101 Milk Ways
by AlchemicChimeraLeech
Summary: He is and never will be the only character that want to force milk into Ed, a parental Roy/Ed, Royai. Chapter 63 FINALLY up, Chibi chan's finally gets some revenge for everything that he's been put through! & Guess who's suffering?
1. Blackmail

**Don't own FMA, never will.**

In central, another famous flame vs. full metal argument was taking place.

"Drink it." a stern voice scolded.

"No!" the small blond practically yelled at his superior's face and faced away from that thing.

"Drink it!" the voice got equally as loud.

That's right the flame alchemist, Roy mustang was blackmailing him. The bastard wouldn't give him the next lead to the philosopher's stone until he drinks that disgusting vile substance.

"Fine have it your way shrimp."

"Who are you calling so small that even an ant would need a super telescope to find him, bastard!" the full metal alchemist yelled, again.

"Just drink the milk Edward." The flame alchemist had to sigh, ever since he found out what ticked the brat off other than being called a shrimp, he wanted to do something with it thus the argument over the bottle of milk in front of them it was simple. Ed drinks the milk, Ed gets a lead, and Ed doesn't drink milk, less paper work to fill out for him.

"Brother, just drink it we have to book a hotel remember." The suit of armour was still in shock at what the colonel was trying to do, the only people that have succeed ever were their mother and on occasion granny pinako. Although they argued over five hours already, couldn't his brother just drink the milk?

"You're against me to, Al!" the golden eyed alchemist glared at the empty metal suit.

"Brother, we've been here five hours, you need to eat and sleep."

"The bastard's blackmailing me Al!"

"Alright then full metal, I guess I'll just slip this lead to someone else."

"NO, NO FINE BASTARD I DRINK IT!" the blonde boy swallowed the bottle of milk in one gulp. "HAPPY NOW!"

"Let's go Al, and here's the report." The blond boy threw a scrunched up paper ball at the flame alchemist.

And Al was memorized by the first time his brother drank milk willingly, well not so willingly but still.


	2. Doctor

**Don't own FMA never will.**

It was a peaceful afternoon in central, until a frustrated growl came from the flame. He just got another medical report of that brat, three ribs broken, leg twisted. The boy needs more calcium! But he refuses to go near anything with milk! He was in the hospital in central right now….which given him a very good idea.

During his lunch break, he went down to the hospital and found Edward's doctor.

"Are you doctor Toy?"

The old doctor adjusted his glasses to have a better look at the speaker, who was a well build military man in his late twenties.

"Yes, and you are?"

"Colonel Roy mustang."

"Well, colonel, what do I own this pleasure to?"

"I want you to inject milk into your patient, Edward Eric."

The old man who was turning seventy this upcoming year never heard such an absurd thing in his life, he injected medicine and liquefied foods, but never…milk.

"And you are his?"

"Superior officer."

"Well, if you'll just come with me and fill out a few forms, how much do you want to inject into him."

"At least 500 to 750ml."

"Colonel, it is possible but I'm afraid that you'll have to cover the…milk expenses, our hospital only provides medication."

"That's fine."

"So, is he your boy?"

"w-what, no just….." as the colonel stammered at the unexpected question as the old man chucked.

"And don't tell the shrimp." The old doctor could only let out a hearty chuckle at this.

Room 206: Edward Eric

Another day at the hospital and wasted when they could've look for clues for the stone, but al wouldn't let him sign out until he was healed. And at present Al was the stronger one.

Although he noticed another medicine bottle had been added and it looked like cow juice, which he had to ask his brother who was coming in with breakfast.

"Al, when did they add that?"

"This morning."

"Did they say what it was for?"

"Ohm, it's to make sure you heal up without scarring."

Thus it was ignored, it worked for a month until Edward got hold of his medical report which mustang's office was destroyed ten times over, and there would've been an eleventh if it weren't for Hawkeye.


	3. Automail

**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA people.**

Edward Eric was doomed; he was going to get a wrench in the head for sure. He just broke Winry Rockbell's auto mail. Both of his arm and leg were broken because of the crazy alchemist, crazy in more ways than one. The guy was trying to alchemically create a kind of super make up? And Ed got a face full of it which he couldn't get off for a week, _eye liner, eye shadow_ and ever to his disgust,_ lipstick_ on his face. The colonel bastard had a good time calling him a five year old girl and flower face. **ICK!**

Anyways Al had to call Winry and have her come to central to fix his auto mail. She arrived the same day.

"Edward Eric what happen to my auto mail!" wrench to the head.

"Well it was like…." He didn't get to finish.

"Will you stop get into fights, geez how can you put yourself in so much danger? Can't you worry for yourself and stop breaking my auto mail do you even know how long it takes? Edward are you even listens, hum are you eating right, you're getting thinner…" as the blonde mechanic rambled on. While Ed was touched by her concern he didn't need to hear everything from the heart from her.

"I have to disconnect your arm and leg." Wait what the damage wasn't that bad was it; it didn't look too bad from the outside.

"There are some internal wires that are broken, it won't work right and I have to take it apart." The girl with the wrench explained.

The process was painful, but now he's stuck in the central office of one and only, colonel Mustang since he is utterly defenceless so he "needs" Hawkeye and staff to look out for him, and where did Al run of to after Winry came, he disappeared.

Roy Mustang was having a bad day until he sees the brat, who was defenceless and venerable, he had this plan for a while now and he could finally attack full metal in this state.

The colonel filled up the baby bottle( don't ask where he got it, he'll burn you alive) with milk and headed towards his office where the boy was stuck in. thankfully he was asleep for the time being so he putted the nipple and the boy unknowing started sucking in milk.

But it took all of fifteen seconds before the blonde boy was trying to **attack, strangle, slap**, the list goes on the colonel. But his mouth was occupied with the bottle which was force on him by mustang. Although mustang may not look like it but he was strong, his strength was equal to that of Armstrong's but with less glitter so he was able to held the boy in place easily.

The full metal alchemist's head was lying on his lap, sucking on the bottle unintentionally. Face turning red, glare of death sent his way and pouting at the situation he was stuck in since he couldn't reach the bastard and gave him a good deserving punch or run away from the crazy cow loving bastard.

Not even five minutes later, Winry and Al came in, Winry was stunned, and eyes big, mouth agape if Al had his body the same reaction would happen but the suit of armour had a glint in his makeshift eyes that he didn't like. He tried calling for help …. But it didn't work.

Another five minutes and the bottle was finished!

"B-bastard!"

"If you want to be a shrimp, fine but I'm straining my neck to see you." Mustang coolly replied.

"Who are you calling so small that a fetus is bigger than him when he's thirty years old you cow loving, crazy bastard!"

Another wrench to the head.

"Ed he's just trying to help!"

"Win, how can you say that!"

"Besides, I never thought of that, if it gets you milk in your system…" the girl began muttering to herself but Ed heard and sweat drropped at the first part.

But a few days later Winry had to leave because of the workload on granny. But Ed swore, never will he put Winry and Mustang in the same room ever, again.

Author's note**: Review** people and I hope you can imagine it as well as I have, if you haven't notice I'm telling you now, Al have his own plan of getting his brother to drink milk. 


	4. Alphonse

**Don't own FMA, never will for how many other chapters that I write**.

"You're kidding me, you cow loving, crazy, bastard from hell!" the full metal alchemist screeched for all of central to hear. He had a very good reason to mind you.

"No pipsqueak, this is a real mission." The colonel replied dryly, he been arguing with the bray for the last hour, oh well no paperwork since the blonde got angry enough to throw the pile of paper on the floor…twice.

"You're not sending me there!" Edward yet again screeched when finally coming back from an errand for Havoc came back.

"Brother what's wrong?" the suit of armour question.

"This!" the full metal alchemist half yelled and shoved the paper to Alphonse.

_**CHQA**_

_Assignment: To capture the one who calls himself the milk alchemist, he'd destroyed milk factories across central and western headquarters. He has also tampered with central's supply of milk._

_Next possible target: MMM factory_

_Assigned to: Major Edward Eric_

_Reason: The major have been in more cases like this one many times, his expertise will come in use._

_Supported by: Colonel Mustang, Colonel Hawkins, Colonel Tyrace_

_Must be captured by: two weeks from assigned date, before the chocolate festival in central._

"Ohhhhh…."well brother won't like this, his cheeks were puffed and he was crossing his arms and glaring at the colonel as if he was….milk. But Al had a plan.

"Ok, bye colonel, we'll see you when we get back!"The suit of armour dragged the blond who was in his chibi mode as this happened and ran off to find the factory.

At the factory, Ed was grumbling and cursing and ranting at any one who said he needed calcium…which was everyone in the milk factory. They found the Milk alchemist relatively easily, and he was really the M.I.L.K alchemist which was milk is life kid that Ed took as a personal insult. He was about to transmute a girl and milk together, but because of Ed's short rant they were to late….but the only difference was the girl's complexion was creamer and her skin tone was whiter. So the idiot was captured in a matter of second, really seconds.

When they were about to leave the milk alchemist was already handed to the military, Al began his plan.

"Brother, I uhh…. need to go to the bathroom." And the suit of armour sped back to the factory.

Wait did he hear right, bathroom? The kid's in a suit of armour, what he trying to do? Ed thought as he ran after his brother.

When he was deep inside the factory…. A flood happened, it was milk, a freaking flood of milk and the shrimp (HEY!), I mean alchemist got drowned and drank at least a gallon of the liquid he calls cow juice.

While Al was at the sidelines sighing, "need to make the transmutation smaller, can't have brother drown before we find the stone, or at all….." Alphonse Eric transmuted a large hole into one of the many milk huge milk containers. And Ed when he finds out who did it, duh who else, the factory workers don't know alchemy…..they can only pour milk on him, smaller scale, the crazy idiot wasn't there so it had to be Al' doing. _**And he's so gonna pay**_.

Author's not: **Review** and can you guess who's going to force feed milk to Ed next? CHQA stands for central headquarter assignments. 


	5. Envy

**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA, never will!**

The homunculus couldn't believe his luck, spying on the midget brat! How's that a mission? But it was fun seeing all the ways that the wet match forcing milk into him. Which give Envy a very, very good idea… for everyone but the midget. Hey! He was bored okay, all the brat does is get himself into trouble and scream at anything half a millimetre taller than him, which was a lot of things. Unknowingly mustang had the same idea….almost.

**Meanwhile…..**

At Mustang's office a conversation was taking place between the colonel and one of many milk men who roam central. They were like ice cream men except they venture near restaurants, baby and me classes and on trains occasionally instead of amusement parks.

"I want you to follow him around." The colonel showing the middle age man a picture taken of Edward and Alphonse recently at the New Year's party. (One of Mae's photos...maybe)

"But, I need to make a living, I can't follow them around, I think you got the wrong person…colonel Mustang, you need a private detective." The man awkwardly replied but really his job was to sell milk not to babysit.

"I'll pay you 150 cenz per week, plus you can sell it where ever you go." The colonel replied easily.

150 cenz per week, that was at least half a month of salary right there, it wasn't a wealthy career choice anyways so why not? The milk man agreed, not knowing what he got himself into.

**Back to Envy….**

The homunculus easily trapped a milk woman in her own house…with no way out. He didn't feel like killing today so he caved her bungalow in. transforming into her, a chubby middle age woman who had a happy face. She looked like she should be in a kitchen…. Perfect to make this creepier. Taking the milk cart and going off to find the cow hating brat.

**Two days later…..**

Ed and Al were off to a mission in a nearby town, on the train there were two milk men following them; around the town there they were again. Even in the after math of the battle.

**A week later…..**

From the not short, you delusional giant alchemist's perspective…..

Al keeps on buying milk! They milk people followed me everywhere, _to central, it's a freaking military base! How they get in? To the grocery story! To the resturant I eat at! Even__***shudder***__ the bathroom,_ the first thing that I see when I went out was an old had with milk calling me short!

But nooooo, Al doesn't think that they're out to get me! He said it's just a coincidence and keep on buying milk! He puts it in my food all the time, especially stew! I don't have the heart to tell him off all the time and I can't always eat out…. They are the devil's spawns, the milk people!

**A month later…..**

Anti cow juice supporter's perspective, or the full metal alchemist…

That's it I had I tried destroying their carts, I've destroyed twenty in the last week but they only have more, especially the creepy old hag, within seconds there's another cart full of milk in my face. Al tried to get me pay for the damages but why would I, they're like stalkers except worse, telemarketers, milk, and the devil combined is what they are. Now I'm even dreaming about milk. EWWWWWWWWWWW!

**Two month later…**

Ed heard the conversation between mustang and the milk man, so one of his problems was solved. The milk man changed careers, and Mustang's office was ruined another five times…. But the creepy hag kept on following him.

"Chibi chan you need milk!" the woman said one day.

"WHO ARE CALLING SO SMALL A MILK CART WILL CRUSH HIM!"

"You're so tiny, are you five or six?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT THEY SHOULD CALL ME THE MOLECULE METAL ALCHEMIST!"

"But dear you need milk; I can't see you over my cart!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT EVEN AN AMEBI WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SEE ME OVER IT'S SINGLE CELULAR BODY!" the full metal alchemist had enough.

Al face palmed himself as Ed chased the milk woman around, but before he knew it a splash was heard. Al couldn't believe it the little middle age lady threw his brother into a pool of milk… where did that come from.

While his brother was struggling to breath, well he know how to swim, but the pool was as tall as Alponse but wider, the size of central's best swimming facilities… and it was milk. The lady came up to him and asked for 300 cenz which he paid without question, he was still dumbstruck at the sight of Ed swimming in milk.

"DON'T PAY HER OUR GOOD MONEY! AL, I DIDN'T ASK FOR MILK!"Ed screeched when he got out since he drank at least a litre of it before he got out. He was in chibi mode and pouting and glaring at Al and Mustang for over a week.

While Envy snickered at the new development from his hiding places, maybe spying on the brat wasn't so bad.

Author's notice: THANKS TO EVERY1 WHO REVIEWED GIVES COOKIE TO EVERY1….MAYBE NOT A COOKIE IS A VIRUS WHEN IT'S ON A COMPUTER SO GIVES OUT CANDY. KEEP ON REVIEWING…And to the reviewer who guessed it was Winry, good guess but she already showed up in the previous chapter.


	6. Hawkeye

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA!**

It was another day in central, Ed had to hand in another report for the bastard, and he was again fashionably late. Al was off with Havoc on a minor mission, some civilians complained about the military treatment of them. Actually he forced him to after the multiple incidents with the milk; he needs some time to himself. And he was getting sleepy, they just got back two days ago and the lead was false…again. Chased a crazy bastard who alchemically combined people and…grass together. These alchemists are getting lamer and lamer. Milk is life kid alchemist? Grow, read, ask, speak, see alchemist or GRASS? He wanted to make a vegetable person in the literal terms. He really wanted to laugh at the person who had to deal with the lame named alchemist but, he was that person. After half an hour he fell asleep on the leather couch, the only good thing about the cow loving bastard's room.

_Dream…_

_The small blond alchemist was back at the get. The eye opened and the hands came out, but they didn't go after him but al, mustang, Hawkeye, havoc and various other people he met during his travels, even Nina and the chimera version of her. They just stood there but as they disappeared, words of hatred were spoken to the already traumatized boy._

"_Brother, how could you let this happen, everything's all your fault."_

"_How could you do this to me full metal after all I've done for you?"_

"_Big brawther, why are you so mean do you hate me?"_

_The chimera let out a long growl before disappearing and this continued on, Edward Eric was trapped in his own dream._

_Reality…._

Mustang came an hour later, by them Ed was mumbling words of sorrow and his whole body was on the floor, twitching and spamming.

"No, no, please I'm sorry." The golden eyed alchemist whispered so low that mustang was barely able to hear. He carried the boy back to the couch, noticing how much the boy was sweating, this wasn't good. He remembered the same kind of dreams of Ishval that affected him so much he couldn't tell dream from reality.

"Full metal wake up." He gently said and shook the boy. He wouldn't budge. He tried for half an hour but the condition only got worse.

Hawkeye was supposed to be away today, but something told her that Mustang was in trouble. When she went inside his office, there was a surprising image, Roy putting a towel over Ed's head while muttering words of concern.

When Mustang saw Riza, he was shocked at her casual appearance, but immediately asked her to get him a warm cup of tea. Maybe that'll wake the boy up.

Riza though had an idea of how to get Ed awake; she got a cup of tea for the colonel and a warm glass of milk for Ed. Although everything took awhile, Roy was stunned when she handed him the cup of tea and then proceed to cup the golden eyed boy with one arm just high enough not to choke on the milk, while putting the milk to his lips, opening his mouth enough to get sips but not big enough to spill. It took a while, two minutes to be exact, Ed awoke and tried to push the glass of milk away but Hawkeye's one word stopped his struggles.

"Edward." She said in that voice, her eyes soften and she was still holding the glass of milk.

_Flashback…..._

"_Edward." His mother scolded, he just had a nightmare and his mother always wakes him up with a glass of warm milk, the very few times he would drink it._

_Trisha knew her little boy hated it but it was good for him, and got rid of his nightmare._

_Flashback ends…_

It was a cute sight, Hawkeye holding the glass of milk despite Edward having both of his hands on it, eyes wide, mouth taking sips with a slight pout. Hawkeye's eyes soften and had a small smile on her face while holding the boy in a light embrace.

It didn't take long for Ed to finish and Hawkeye sooth him back to sleep….wait he need that report. He was just about to wake up the shrimp when Riza stopped him and lectured him in the main office that Ed was still a child.

Two hours later….

"Brother?" the suit of armour asked, the blond yawned and stretched, absorbing in his surroundings and his eyes landed on the flaming chicken.

"Your report full metal?"

"Yeah, yea here it is bastard!" giving him a piece of paper that was amazingly legible.

"Let's go Al."

"Brother…the colonel invited us to dinner with him, everyone's going so can…we go with them?" the suit of armour nervously asked, and Ed could never refuse his brother.

Mustang's crew arrived at the trendy restaurant an hour later, Ed, al, Hawkeye taking Mustang's …mustang. And everyone else squeezed into Havoc's car.

At the resturant short rants were heard as Roy suggested the kid's menu to Ed.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A KIDDIE SANDWITCH COULD FEAD ME FOR A MOUTH!"

They all ordered their meals, and Mustang whispered something to their waitress that made her giggle, and Ed ended up with a tall glass of milk instead of apple juice like he asked.

Though out the meal, Ed was very silent but no one noticed other then Mustang and Hawkeye. He said just enough not to be quiet but the things said were meaningless.

"Ed, how about this if you drink the glass of milk, I'll tell you something…silly that the colonel done while you were away?" Hawkeye gently offered while the blond boy's eyes considerably brightened. It took a few nudged but the small boy agreed.

_Flashback…..._

_Central was welcoming the fuehrer today but the first incidence mustang saw king Bradley he snapped his fingers at him. The two began combat, they thought mustang was a traitor, but in the middle of battle mustang screeched like a little girl and stomped on the floor and then proceed to the fuehrer that._

"_There was a cockroach on the wall…" he awkwardly said._

_Everyone sweat dropped while the fuehrer face palmed._

_Flashback ends…_

Ed drank the glass of milk and was laughing, Al haven't heard that sound in a long time there was fewer and fewer joyous moments. Brother always over works himself and blame everything on himself, so the suit of armour let out a content sigh at the change.

Soon everyone was sharing embarrassing stories of mustang with the exchange that Ed drinks his milk. While Mustang couldn't help but pout and cross his arms, he never seen Hawkeye that gentle since before the war, he wanted Hawkeye to look at him like that again, so unknowing to every eye but Hawkeye he ordered a generous dose of alcohol.

When it was time to go, Ed and Al went with havoc; Mustang drove Breda, Fuery and Hawkeye. He drove the latter two home but he drove around in circles before Hawkeye questioned him and he leaned in and kissed her… it must be the alcohol. Maybe the brat was good for something.

Author's note: This is for the person who was asking for Hawkeye. Why did she not use a gun? Simple she's more of a mother figure, the gun's to keep mustang in line not ed. And this may be a bit depressing but hey it's a family fic. **Review **people! I'll try to update weekly if school doesn't kill me. 


	7. Baby

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA in my life time**

Edward Eric, the full metal alchemist had just gotten involved with another crazy alchemist. The eternal alchemist, well at least the guy had a reasonable name but sadly Edward was caught in his array and Mustang's got so much more trouble, especially when the alchemist was a pure armature who only did half the things he did to….impress a girl.

Mustang was holding a golden eyed, blond baby in his hands, it was the brat, that armature turned the small alchemist…smaller. And the fuehrer assigned the child to him and Hawkeye…the only good thing about it but Alphonse does not know yet….

"Wahhhhhhh, wahhhhhhhhhhh….." the child cried while inside Ed was fuming, him assigned to this bastard, he was going to give him hell.

Al came in half an hour later with Hawkeye, when he saw the baby; he was in his….kitty mode. He was playing with him, tickling him and even trying to get him to stop crying.

"Awe, I didn't know you and Ms Hawkeye had a baby!"The suit of amour adorability said. While both Lieutenant and Colonel's faces turn to a cherry red colour.

"Alphonse…that's your brother, he was turned by the eternal alchemist, you couldn't go because of the location, it was on an island, remember." Mustang keeping as much composure as he could said to the suit.

"I didn't know brother was this cute when he was a baby, awe he's trying to bite my finger, and he doesn't even have teeth….." Al rumbled on.

"Alphonse, we need to get your brother back to normal." The colonel try to get Al's attention back to the problem but al was blinded by his big, err….little brother's adorableness. With his big golden eyes, a small mop of sun coloured hair, a small nose, a wailing mouth, and is fun sized.

Week 1…..

It was easy to get Ed to drink milk now, since, well… he have to and Mustang finally have the woman of his dreams in his house but she was always occupied with Ed. As cute as the brat was, why couldn't she look at him that way again?

The office was in an uproar and…no one did any work, Al didn't seem to mind. Well….he was the older brother….until they find a cure which he, the flame alchemist was the only one researching how to get the brat back to normal. Hump!

Week 2…...

The kid aged by...one year but still it was a good change it was still easy to force milk into him but he found himself relaxing. And he found both he and Hawkeye went to parenting mode….trying to get the child to say mama and dada. Although his first word was bas-da, well it sounded like dada but knowing the brat, he was probably saying bastard.

Week 3…

He aged another two years, he was three. And Izumi Curtis showed up with her husband sig in central for an inventory run for their butcher shop. Al had him that day, and ran into them.

"Al did your brother get some poor girl pregnant!" cue evil aura and Izumi in her killer mode crackling her knuckles with Sig behind her.

"That… is brother teacher….." Al delivered with a voice of a mouse.

And everything changed; both Mustang and Hawkeye couldn't get him back… at least for the first two day. The two women bonded later with forcing milk into him while spoiling him silly and cuddling him at every possible chance. While Sig….was still intimating to him, he's as big as Armstrong, but not as sparkly but still, Mustang did not need a reminder.

And Black Hayate dragged him around while he was in a little fox costume, well the kid said red when they were buying cloth…again. And Maes wouldn't stop taking pictures, he turn up at the most random times!

Week 4…...

This week he aged to six, which was good but he was too damn loud, now his wallet's taking a hit. Since Ed wouldn't drink milk any more but imported Xing yogurt milk drink which cost twice as much! But he was still cute, but now his nightmares were more frequent so he slept in between Mustang and Hawkeye, which allowed him to see a much cuter side of Hawkeye. As for why she was in his room, he only had one bed room and the crib was in the walk in closet…which wasn't all that big.

And Winry visited central because al told her the situation, now Ed had three women, spoiling him, cuddling him and forcing milk into him. The kid glared at him a lot, well it wasn't Mustang's fault that he was turn in to a baby, or forcing milk into him.

Week 5…

Yes the torture was over; he turned back to his normal age….naked, the six year old's clothes ripped when he turned back in the middle of the night. And he thought the brat was screeching like a banshee while blushing furiously while trying to cover himself up from the bastard milk loving colonel and the fairer specimen. Although his clothes was at the drying cleaning. "Oh, normal washing….shrinks brother's clothing…" was Al's explanation when he called him up. So Ed had to transmute a teddy bear pattern cloth that Hawkeye bought to sew it into a blanket for him, cue Mustang's glare. Into underwear and pyjamas.

But Al's reaction was pure blackmail material.

"Awe, I'm not an uncle anymore…" the suit of amour sadly said while Ed was sputtering trying to make sense of his brother's mind.

"Well you will be one again if your brother makes a move on his mechanic." The colonel unhelpfully provided for Al.

And Ed was so murdering the bastard in his sleep and running away from these evil women. He thought it was bad when they were angry but when they're happy it's worse….too much cuddling!

Author's note: Since Izumi have no children in this case she I think would spoil him silly, Hawkeye does have a gentle side to her. And Winry would like a little ed. Review, and if you have any suggestions I am happy to hear them.

Clue: The next person will be in a position that grants him many privileges 


	8. King

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA!**

Ed was in central, not to see Mustang but the fuehrer Bradley for something… his secretary didn't say just to come with his brother at seven in the morning. His brother was fine but he was grumpy since Mustang just gave him false lead again!

"Ah, Edward, you've finally arrived."

"Yes sir."

"Look at this report."

It was the short blonde alchemist's medical report, and there were a long thick stack off paper recording the number of times the full metal alchemist been in a hospital for the last two weeks. It was 35 pages long and the words were a font ten.

"Now you've cost the military a lot of money with these incidents so I have a….proposal if you will."

"Ehhhhh?" Ed in his chibi mode while having an expression of"Am I hearing things right?" on his face.

"You'll get milk money, you have to spend in on milk by the end of the month or every single day 10% will be deducted from your check each day and you'll have to pay for your own hospital visits." Bradley calmly proposed.

Al was enthusiastic, a specialized account just for him to buy his brother milk. Now his brother will never scold him when he does buy milk and it's an order from the most powerful man in the country! While Ed was sulking what could he do, he can't attack the fuehrer or else… he'll lose his job and they really need to find the stone.

"Fine."

"Another thing, he will be following you around testing if you have milk in your system." Bradley said pointing to a newbie solider and a weird device.

"We wouldn't want you to waste the 1000 cenz." The elder man chucked and escorted the two boys out of his office.

Now Ed never thought that it was so bad at first but that idiot followed him everywhere. In the middle of a battle, in restaurants, in the freaking shower and in the morning he would see that creep's face… just to test him to see if he drank any milk. And Al was not helping! He had to pout, the 1000 cenz were all used on milk, and he felt like he was made from 70% milk, not water from the amount he drank in the past month.

But things got crazy when he began to alchemized the creep to the places he was stalking him. The guys screaming and beating the milk tester in the showers was so worth it. But he still hates the milk tester and made the guy's life hell the second month.

The newbie quitted after that, Bradley assigned five more people but they all quitted after a week. Finally Roy mustang was assigned to the case which Mustang also an alchemist tried many ways but alas the tiny shrimp was set and ready. The first mission he failed in five years, the brat alchemized him to a chimney for heaven's sakes! And his office door, chair anything that he touches have an automatic alchemic response to him….he didn't know how the brat did it.

Finally the fuehrer stepped in, Ed, Al, Mustang and Hawkeye was called to his office. Ed had the choice of a kitten costume….with a makeup artist or a milk cartoon… his size with the word missing above his head. And Mustang a cockroach costume which he burned the first one but there was back up….it was scary realistic and a match stick…..now that was just cruel from the colonel's perspective to his pride.

Ed chooses the giant milk cartoon…no more flower face! And through Mustang's fear of cockroaches the match stick was chosen. Their mission, he was taking the brat out trick or treating while he was explaining about the military's new program to the adults. He and Ed both childish pouted again since Hawkeye wore a hawk hat while Al didn't have to dress up at all. In fact Al said on that night, "This is the first time I felt normal when I became a suit of armour!"

"Who are you calling so small I'm no bigger than a milk cartoon!"

"Who's so small that if I drink milk I'll only shrink because I grow the other way!"

"I'm not a wet match!"

"Kid, I'm not a punching bag, or a piece of wood!"

"Who are you calling so small when I'm 90 I'll still be able to trick or treat!"

"Leave the costume alone kid…or I'll set you on fire."

"I do not look like some dessert, I'm a match stick and no kid, and you can't eat me!"

Hawkeye and Al sighed, but in the end they did get bag full's of candy which Al sorted as alcoholic, bad tasting candy and good candy which have milk in them. The alcoholic he planned to gave to the adults in Mustang's office, the bad ones he'll throw out and the good ones reserved for brother for another day.

Author's note: Never would have guessed it was Bradley I'm hoping. The Armstrong request will be fulfilled when I get inspiration for it. I hope you can tell between Ed and mustang's rants. The testing is like the alcoholic testing that drunk drivers take but it senses milk, and the milk money is like government funding for having kids except for milk only. And REVIEW!

Clue: A semi main character sorta in the brotherhood version. 


	9. Halloween

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA**

The Eric brothers had their body back but the truth did a funny thing. It never took Edward's alchemy or took him to another dimension. No, it took his age, and Al's to. Now Alphonse Eric was the older brother, he was ten while Ed was nine. And it was Halloween, which meant trick or treating, Ed would've stayed home…which was Hughes's house since Gracia took in the two boys as willing as a mother cat to stray puppies if it weren't for his younger older but taller grrrrrr brother's kicked puppy look.

And now Ed was stuck in a shrimp costume, curtsey of Al. Al was… him, the full metal alchemist, he shrink his clothes. He head the boots, the leather pants, the trademark red jacket, everything. While they were with Gracia and Elisa going from door to door asking for candy, which Ed saw no point in, he doesn't like candy, he likes pie.

Knock, know, knock…...

"Full metal is that you, Hashanah!"

"Shut up bastard!"

"Here, here you ha-ha, go!"

"Why did you give me milk bastard!"

"You finally admit you're a shrimp, now drink ha-ha up!"

Slam

Knock, know, Knock…

"Hey boss, you really a…well shrimp, cool costume Al."

"Who are you calling so small that a shrimp could eat me!"

"Here you go boss, Al."

"Mr Havoc this is bread…"

"I don't eat candy, I don't buy em."

Slam

Knock, know, knock…..

"It's the Eric brothers, welcome to the house of Armstrong!"

"Trick or treat?"

"This is a special family recipe of the Armstrong's; the candies will not only rotten you teethes but make your bones grow!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A PIECE OF CANDY CAN BE MY FOOD SUPPLY FOR A YEAR!"

Slam

Knock, know, knock…

"Hello Ms Hawkeye."

"Here, you go Ed, Al."

"Hey! These have milk in it!"

"Edward, its candy."

Knock, know, knock…...

"What do you want?"

"Trick or treat?"

"Oh it's you brats, you got your bodies back, should've saw this coming, you're as stubborn as Briggs soldiers."

"Candy! Please."

"Here you go!"

"These are weapons…"

"You never know when you're going to be attacked."

Knock, know, knock…...

"Trick…. or treat….. We should go now."

"Wait! Get your candy!"

"No thanks, brother needs his arm, and I need him."

"I'm a reformed ishbalan, and just take your freaking candy!"

"Wow! Thanks, there's so much, thanks! bye."

Knock, know, knock…...

"Trick…or how are you alive! Mustang killed you!"

"Just take the candy… sacrifices."

"No thanks…"

"Take it!"

Slam

Knock, know, knock…...

"Wait is you my dad or that immortal craziness?"

"Just take the candy…. and I can sacrifice you later."

The Eric brother ran…. It was a weird Halloween. They met people that were suppose to be dead, apparently Halloween brought out the best in everyone… not Christmas.

Author's note: 2 updates in one week! And can you guess. The list of people they trick or treated were. Mustang, Havoc, Alex Armstrong, Hawkeye, Olivia Armstrong, Scar, Lust and the look alike to Hohenhiem in Brotherhood. Review! This is a Halloween special, if you can think of more major characters put it in your review, there might be a part two. Now I know some of these people live in dorms or have no place to live so this is an AU.

And can any1 tell me where I could find FMA OVA 5 reflection? I've seen all the OVAs of FMA and Brotherhood but I can't find a free online, no download version of reflection. 


	10. Father

**Disclaimer: Do I look I'll own FMA ever?**

The sacrifices were all here…almost, Mustang, Izumi, Ed, Al, and. The dark malice laugh shook the occupants of the room. But then he realized, Edward Eric was three inches too short to be a sacrifice…..what was he going to do?

Meanwhile the occupants were all glaring at him, Ed, Al and Izumi tried to attack him, but he putted himself in an alchemic thinking bubble while dealing with minor injuries to them….and he had the best idea ever… since the idea of drinking the milk from cows to goats!

All of a sudden Edward was trapped in a big aquarium of sorts; it was huge, an Olympic size swimming pool to be exact. And white liquid begin filling up, he tried to get out using alchemy but it didn't work…..figures. Before he knew it he was swimming in milk….for the fourth, fifth? Time in milk (WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME!). But he found that he could breathe but that just made it worse, he was drinking milk and swimming around… like a freaking mermaid.

Izumi and Al looked shocked as it happened. While Mustang was wondering what was going on until Al's quivering tone.

"Brother…brother's swimming in milk?"

Father happily answer this, "he was three inches too short, don't worry he could breathe."

"b-but, b-but….."

"What did you do to my student….you monster? That's a good way to get him to drink but where did get the freaking milk from." Izumi's mood and tone changed drastically once he realized what he done.

"There's a cow farm never by and a milk factory three hundred mild from this location!"

"I need him to be at least 5'9 before I could use him as a sacrifice….he really is a shrimp." The almost immortal sighed.

"Can I have my eye sight back?" Mustang asked out of nowhere.

"Yeah, yeah sure, just heat the milk up will you, he can't absorb the calcium if he's frozen in the milk. "Giving back Mustang's sight.

Mustang was dumbstruck; it was like Ed was one of the military experiments, at the same time it was like an angel…. Or a brat swimming in milk.

"Well, heat it!" father scold impatiently.

Hohenhiem finally busted in, but he didn't try to get his son out…. No he chatted with father…since he used to replace him for Trisha. (Wait! Who the hell's my father then? ) and they chatted away about how they forced milk into him.

"Remember that time!"

"He was alchemically tied!"

"Yes... that was such a brat!"

"Blah, blah, blah…"

"Yes, yes!"

Mustang stared, Izumi gaped and Al was questioning his and his brother's roots. Who was their father? Or are they half brothers? But neither… of them was human? So are he and his brother human at all! And is… that how… they survived… that night, the human transmutation?

While Ed was not able to perform flame alchemy, he was a ball of fire and a chibi; he busted out the tank charged towards bastards squared, or cubed since Mustang was here to…? Al was the first to react and ran after him.

He clapped and the four was in front of the gate. Ed was beating up the bastard that left… and forced milk into him, and the crazy look alike.

An hour later… he finally realized where he was and he was about to make the perfect trade.

"Here you can have these two bastards, and I can have Al back!"

The truth agreed, even gave his arm back…..but he got his father back; the gate didn't want a former human slave, who was now a normal human with no alchemic powers again.

While he and Al recovered over the ordeal, Hohenheim challenge Mustang to…. A hand to hand combat for his and Al's custody. It drew a crowd like Flame vs. Metal, Al was just well enough to go out to see it; Ed would never let him out of the house for two hours a day…. When he was lucky.

He cheered for his father, while Ed surprisingly was cheering for Mustang! The battle lasted for three hours, Mustang was faster but Hohenhiem hits harder. But Ed and Al were both wondering why he took the challenge in the first place? They were only living there until Al recovers, the military dorms were a no, no for a recovering Al, And Mustang had a two storey house with only one occupant, and that Hawkeye was being cute. In the end Mustang won again…. This had Ed give the hardest punch to his father but saying the most childish thing.

"How can you lose to him too? Weak bastard!"

The next day, Alphonse woke up to see his father… in a half maid, half butler outfit. The inside suit was a butlers… and had a frilly apron and a… maid tiara on.

"Brother?" he questioned his brother who was coming in his room

"Oh, yeah, the bastard's staying, whatever you need just order him around."

"Ummm…."

Author's note: YES I have questioned whether or not Ed and Al were human because mother = human but father = philosopher's stone in human form. This is how I think FMA Brotherhood should've ended because Hohenhiem did nothing for his sons, being sacrificed for Al's body, even if he saved all of where ever. This is the only way I can imagine Ed forgiving him.

REVIEW! And the Halloween special didn't have enough suggestions for a part two.

Clue: We have a very special guest, a guest that finally is able to speak his/her mind! 


	11. I1

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA**

Today we have special guests Edward Eric and Roy mustang who are going to review the story thus far.

Ed: Why do I have to be here bastard!

Mustang: How should I know shrimp, and watch your language.

Ed: Who are you calling so small that even if he drank all the mink in the world, he still be the size of an ant, scheming bastard colonel, I bet you planned all this! *adorable pout*.

Me: No….umm I did...

Ed: And who in gate's name are you….wait…you're the one wring 101 milk ways aren't you! WHY AM I HERE, I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK ANOTHER DROP OF MILK, AND YOU EVEN GOT AL TO DROWN ME!

Me: Well….what do you think of the story so far…..

Ed: I HATE IT; I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND YOUR FORCING MILK IN ME!*chibi mode*

Me: That could…be arranged….*cuddles Ed*

Ed: What!

Me: Mustang, hold him down!

Ed: He'll never listen to you?

Me: Not when I'm the author hehehe!

Edward being held down by Mustang while author takes a 2L bottle of milk and pours it over Edward.

Mustang: What happened? Why am I holding the fried shrimp?

Me: well how do you feel about forcing milk into your tiniest group member?

Mustang: Well…..you could've made me cooler, me feeding the brat a milk bottle, doesn't cut it out for me…maybe you could use my flames to scare the brat into a room full of milk..And make him stay there for three whole days!

Me: Go on, any other ideas?

Mustang: Milk ice cream, pour milk into him while unconscious after a battle, get the milk monster after him, team up with the homunculi to force him to become taller, full gluttony's stomach with milk and throw him in there. Use alchemy to tie him down and force milk into him; make his old man have "the talk" with him about milk, force him to…

Me: Still listening…..and writing down these ideas.

Ed: WHAT ? IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU DON'T DO YOUR PAPERWORK!

Ed goes to get Hawkeye to solve things once and for all, since the author forced milk into him.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Author and Mustang runs for life while still jotting down ideas.

Author's Note: This is a filler chapter to how they would react, and to the Armstrong request, next week for sure. I hope the attempt is humours and REVIEW.

Ed*pouts*: Evil, evil girl

Mustang: Well at least you'll grow in this story, I'm not even sure you grew in the series so be thankful…

Ed: Bastard, she's making me drink milk not grow! 


	12. Armstrong

**Disclaimer: Never will own FMA**

Edward Eric couldn't believe how stupid his superior, Colonel Roy mustang was! The bastard decided to test a new flame alchemy technique…in the Eric's military dorm… which destroyed it. On that day… Mustang had the great idea of… not to pay for a hotel room for the Erics but to put him with the Armstrong family.

Now he was with Alex Armstrong going though their mansion… where he showed the brothers portraits and statues of past Armstrong family.

Day one…..

Everything on the breakfast table had some kind of milk in it. Pancakes, muffins, omelettes, and even milk itself. The full metal alchemist couldn't help but growl at the site.

"Young Eric, feast your eyes and your stomach on these delectable treats!"

"No thanks… I'll buy breakfast somewhere else."

Alphonse Eric walked in a very unbelievable site; he was helping Philip Armstrong with something, since… the elder noticed his huge body mass. The Strong Arm alchemist was prying his brother's mouth open while pouring a huge glass of milk into it; his brother couldn't respond….because he was alchemically tied by the rocks morphed around his body.

It went on for ten minutes before Alex noticed the suit of amour's presence in the room.

Day two…..

Edward decided that Philip Gargantos Armstrong was pure evil…. He though that the old man needed some help… but then he locked him in this room, And he couldn't get out alchemically because the room was alchemy proof…where did the guy even get the material? Any how he was locked in here with a bed; a book…about the glories of milk, and too many dairy products… apparently this was the Armstrong's storage room. Who would want to steal dairy products?

It had everything, from milk to imported cheese, to specialized meat and bread… and after ten hour in chibi mode and pouting he decided that his stomach was more important…. who knows how long the dairy king will keep him in here. *sigh*

Meanwhile Al was wondering, where was brother? He asked everyone, the maids, the butler, the Armstrong siblings… maybe oh wait he needs to ask Armstrong elder.

"W-What, you did what t-to brother? Why would you do that, he's not so small that a gallon of milk seems like the ocean to him…..I'm sounding like brother, never mind. He has food right?"

Day three…

Amue was usually a reasonable person but when she saw how cute the full metal alchemist was…the mother instinct triggered in her…. And now the chibi alchemist was suffering under her hand.

The small blond was tied up with long rubberlike ropes pouting at another crazy Armstrong who was making porridge with milk in it.

"Come on Edward you need to eat, here comes a choo choo train." She cooed to the fuming blond.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I DON'T RIDE NORMAL TRAINS BUT TOY TRAINS TO GET WHERE I WANT TO GO? " A mistake, since his mouth opened.

"Awe, good boy, now here comes a birdie, open up!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A BIRD COULD EAT HIM!"

While this was going on, Alphonse could only face palm at another ridiculous site, were all Armstrong this…crazy?

Day four…..

The Eric brothers finally found a possibly sane Armstrong. Strongine made them run them laps and laps around the estate because she decided to use them for target practice, she was shooting rubber bullets and stuff toys at them. It was after lunch, she noticed, Ed was the perfect target because he was so tiny and fast.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT TO HIM AN ANT SEEMS FASTER THAN HIM!"

And Alponse was huge but had more strategy, she asked them for a favour, and they ended up runing laps around the estate.

Finally they ran until dinner time…and Ed ate everything….even though everything had milk in it….an ulterior motive for the running- for-my- life- from- this –crazy- woman?

Day five…

She looked sweet, but she was anything but to Edward Eric. Catherine Elle Armstrong was making the puppy face again to get him to try one of her experimental dishes. It all started when Catherine poked the full metal alchemist awake and took his and his brother into the kitchen at seven in the morning. She's been trying to get Ed to eat everything she made…. Everything had some sort of dairy products on it, even the fruit salad. But he could never resisted saying yes to that face…. While Al quietly sniggered at the side.

Day six…

Freedom from the crazy Armstrong clan!

Author's note: Olivier deservers her own chapter so she isn't in here but all of the other Armstrong clan is here, so review! And every Armstrong has their own way of feeding milk to shrimp chan.

Clue: Someone who have connection to both the best sniper in the military and the flame. 


	13. Grumman

**Disclaimer: refer back to pervious chapters!**

Edward Eric was dumbstruck at his superior's nonsense; Colonel Roy Mustang decided to drag him and Hawkeye to an old guy's house for no reason. The bastard told him that this was a top secret mission and his brother couldn't come along.

Lieutenant General Grumman was very curious as to why would his old pupil bring not only his granddaughter but a child…who looked like he was ten years old to their monthly chess matches. Especially the child, since sometimes his granddaughter would come to because of Mustang's habit of skipping out on paperwork on the day after.

The chess match began neither said a word, it was habit. Every move aimed to take the other out, while at times small talk was made between the two while Hawkeye watched with minor interest. Roy moved his king five moves later, not because he was losing but even in chess his loyalty to his men showed. While Ed was yawning looking at the two old men play the most boring game ever, and there were no books in the house!

An hour later, the full metal alchemist had enough. "Can you just let him checkmate you, colonel bastard! You invite me to see you play this, that's it I'm outta here!" he tried to walk out but was stopped not by Mustang but by the old man's voice.

"Ha ha ha, just like Roy boy when he joined the military, you wouldn't believe how hot headed he was for someone who can't take the heat!" a hearty chuckle came from Grumman as he said this.

"What do you mean old man?" Ed was actually curious.

"Sit down and I'll tell you, Shorty!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN BE A CHESS PIECE FOR RATS!" and he sat down anyways while Hawkeye had a quiet snicker and mustang's face began to flush.

_Flashback… _

_Lieutenant General Grumman had a very special guest tonight and he made a very special meal. It was almost unusual to see him so happy but a month ago he found out Roy Mustang can't take chilli peppers. Why would this interest him you ask? Well to him the young man was too uptight and being his commanding officer it's his self appointed job to "loosen his screws" and so he made special Xing dishes from the south of Xing…well hired someone. And was currently waiting for his victim, I mean guest._

_Roy mustang couldn't believe his eye…there were mountains of red hot chilli peppers in every single dish. Not eat it and offend his superior's cooking skills, or eat it and feel death? The latter sounds better; he just got in the military after all._

_Later that night, a sighted crazed man was reported running from Lieutenant General's home. His face, eyes and some even say his hair was chilli red….and it was on the central newspaper._

_Flashback…_

"HAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!" the golden eyed boy was rolling on the floor laughing and it didn't help matters by how pepper red Mustang's face was.

"Full metal I order you to stop!" the colonel tried to order but it just made Hawkeye snicker more and a grin from his old mentor.

"This shrimp is the famous full metal I've heard so much about?" Grumman questioned.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT EVERY KIND OF VEGETABLE IS BIGGER THAT HIM, YOU OLD DOG!" which got him a bullet near his auto mail arm.

"Edward, I don't want to hear you call him that ever again, clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Riza, sharp as ever must be the carrots, I remember when you were small, you would never think of touching'em much less eat them." Grumman's statement earned a curious stare from Ed.

_Flashback…_

_A seven year old Riza, who had long blond hair tied up, big eyes and currently a frown was staring at the carrots, she would refuse to eat them. Although her grandpa always says that it was good for her, how could that orange cone thingy be good for anything other than poking a hole in the ground she wouldn't know?_

_A younger Grumman had the perfect idea….although the women in the class threw question glances at him. A man in his fifties in a baking class with mainly middle age women, it was very delightful….to eats the pastries but not the same could be said for making them._

_Everything though paid off when little Riza ate the carrot cake and asked for more._

_Flashback…_

While Ed learned more about Mustang and Hawkeye, and more had blackmail material! But he got an uneasy feeling when Mustang had a private conversation with him at the end.

Two weeks later, Edward Eric was hosed down by Lieutenant General Grumman….with milk and he couldn't attack back because the old man ran him into a corner! He though Grumman needed to talk with him so him and Al went. In the end he was chased then hosed down with milk while his brother watched in wonder that who the old guy was and is he in the military and why was he forcing milk into brother. While Ed knew how Mustang felt, crazy old man!

Author's note: The king moving is referring to Code Geass's Lelouch's usual move and quotes "a king must lead his men." The pepper is based on mustang's flame but in food terms, the Xing's based on china's Si Chuan dishes which are all crazy hot to a degree. And the carrot is based on Hawkeye's well eyes. This is just to show everyone despises some kind of food and you need an old man like Grumman to force it down! So leave a review!

Clue: One of the most feared woman in the series. 


	14. Teacher

**Disclaimer: Reread chapter five or something!**

Edward Eric couldn't believe the situation he was in again, his old teacher; Izumi Curtis stuck a literal milk bottle down his throat why? Well she found out he was a state alchemist before dinner so during the meal she tried to get him to drink it…for two seconds then the whole thing was in his mouth….well rim and a large part of the glass bottle.

_Flashback…_

_Little eight year old Edward Eric was currently pouting and crossing his arms sitting on a shelf, curtsey of Sig, his brother was learning alchemy with teacher because he wouldn't drink milk! That's so unfair! And the stupid thing was these women kept on coming into the meat shop, yes he was with Sig to pinch his cheeks or to tell him how cute and adorable he was which made him pout more._

_Sig was happy, there were more customers than usual, they cooed at the golden haired boy which he put on the shelf to keep him away from the dangerous things in the butcher shop. _

_Alphonse missed his brother, all teacher was doing was throwing rocks at him; apparently his physique was not up to her expectation. He thought the island trial was over! Brother was so lucky to be missing this and… owwww!_

_The day ended with two content adults and two pouting and glaring kids. It was until after dinner that the problem was solved…sorta of, Ed drank one fifth glass of milk. Little did he know the torture he was in for tomorrow._

_The next day_

_Both Ed and Al was training, they were doing hand to and combat when teacher came in with two barrow loads of water balloons. The exercise was this, dodge ball, Curtis style with an extra; both of them aiming at the target that is only allow moving within five meters of space._

_Al went first, he was against teacher and brother, and brother can't throw but teacher's hits hurts! But it took a good solid hour before the balloons were out, and Al was as wet as a sitting duck._

_Half an hour later, it was Ed's turn and he was anticipating for some action…..before three balloons came flying at him soaking him….in milk! He tried to run, dodge, duck and run but none can save him from teacher's wrath while his brother was throwing the water balloons, aiming for his face, that traitor! _

_Never the less, he learned, always drink the milk when teacher's around or else she becomes a big meanie!_

_Flashback…_

"Edward?"

"Huh?"

"You haven't touch the blue berry pie...it was your favourite when you were little."

"Sorry, just remembered something, teacher."

"Just don't do something so dangerous, and stupid again, Edward…promises me."

"Teacher…."

"When I taught you alchemy all those years ago, it was to keep you guys alive. You made a mistake and you're going to fix it, but in fixing it…I know you're going to do something hard headed to keep Alphonse alive, even if it kills you. One is all, all is one is the nature flow of life, but that doesn't mean that there won't be people who will mourn their whole life for yours Edward. "

"I- I promise teacher!"

Author's note: So yeah Izumi, I think she's more dangerous over all because although Olivier have military weapons, Izumi have alchemy and possible weapons since she can also do martial arts so….everything could be a weapon. So this is the side you rarely see of her, the motherly side and her forceful tactic to force milk into chibi-cutesy-chan.

REVIEW 

Clue: None, next three characters are reader's choice. They have to be characters from FMA, FMA brotherhood, or the movie. No OC please, not this time anyways, and the character cannot be characters that I used already, one last thing, one reviewer, and one choice to make it fair. 


	15. Lan

**Disclaimer: The same old drill**

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HIS CLOSES RELATIVES ARE MICE!"

"WHO'S SO SMALL THAT YOUR SQUIENTY EYES WOULD NEVER SEE ME, EVEN IF I'M RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I LOOK LIKE A FRIED GRAIN OF RICE!"

She couldn't believe it, she simply couldn't believe it. How dare that brat insult the prince again, just because he called him a grain of rice! Which is true since the boys she seen in Xing were all a foot taller than the shrimp and Ling was no exception. Well she was going to make him pay in the most terrifying way possible; the moving suit of armour showed her the way. That suit was bribing the brat to get him to take a sip of milk and the brat turned chibi and became a little cherry tomato after the bribe…which didn't work.

Alphonse felt something akin to fear when he saw the glint in the Xingese girl's eyes, was she still angry from Ed breaking the mask? He knows it's not going to end well.

It was night in rush valley the sounds of friction of metal dying and our favourite small (HEY!) alchemist was asleep, Al was wondering around (seen as he doesn't sleep), unknowing of the danger he putted his brother in. Lan Fan was in the brother's room holding something like a medical tube with a bottle attached at one end. She putted in Ed's mouth and he slowly took it in, and his dreams from the horrors of that faithful day turned in to Mustang dancing in a tutu singing opera, while Hawkeye was throwing snuffed unicorns at Al, and there was a rainbow in the back. What was in the bottle you ask? Fifty percent milk, fifty percent whiskey, hey she was trained in the art of martial arts and shadowing people, well the prince, what's stealing a bottle of whisky to her.

Ed woke up with a huge headache; it felt as if Mustang decided to drill a tunnel in his head because of who knows what, a bastard reason probably. When he walked through the door, a bucket of milk fell on his head, ouch, who did it, and probably Al after yesterday's little argument.

He did to get cleaned up; as he was taking a shower he heard the door opening. Wait, who, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. In front of him was the Xing girl that he fought, wait, he was naked! What was she doing here! Before he knew it, she did a ninja jump and popped several pill like things in his mouth, and left just like that. That's when Winry who heard the scream came running.

"Ed!" the blush on her face intensified as she realized that he was still in the showers, she was able to see every ripple of his muscle, the sun kissed skin, the startled eyes that were like the sun, hair like melted gold, even more so now, mouth agape showing the white marbles that were his teeth, froze in shock. Unfortunately because of the steam, she didn't get a hum, full view.

While Ed was stuttering, his reaction was painfully slow; a wench came at his head.

"Ed, c-close th-the door or p-put some cloths on!"

Lan fan was satisfied with her work, who though the calcium balls would work so well. They were her emergency batch but it was worth it to see that face…and that body, who thought the brat, was so well toned.

Al couldn't figure out why the Xing girl was smirking like a cat that got her fish while Ed and Winry kept on blushing when they see each other.

Author's note: The calcium balls are basically vitamins, so Lan Fan decided to catch him by surprise, thus the shower scene, and Ed doesn't react in his sleep because of alcohol. Remember both Winry and Lan Fang are teenagers so hormones. Review! &&& hopefully I'll be able to update more because of the break but there's a lot to be done i.e. my future career, and home work, last year of high school kills. Probably twice a week, three at most

Should I put the rating up to T because of the shower scene?

This is Mew Phong's pick, and Grumman is chapter 13. 


	16. Scar

**Disclaimer: Me =/= Owner of FMA**

The full metal alchemist was often assaulted with milk even though the small group was in hiding. Where did they even get the milk? He had to ask, they were underground in the middle of Briggs! With May, Winry, Al and Scar along with himself. It was unbelievable.

Al and Win were trying to get him to drink milk because well, it's them. May Chang was trying to get him to drink it because she wanted him to become her "dream prince" which requires him to be five foot nine. And he doesn't even know why Scar's bothering and where did they even get the milk?

Scar was normally a logical man, a philosophical man, and a religious man what he was not was short tempered. But this brat is pushing his limits; he would never touch milk even though it took a great deal to get it. The girls, Winry or May would go up ground from the sewers climb up get the food and climb down, while being as discreet as possible. Alphonse Eric, the metal boy tried to cook it, usually with a fifty percent of success which is when he would take over. And the brat complains too much, he should've destroyed him the first time.

The milk part bothered him the most, before the war started, he remembered many isvalan boys his age waiting for the summer seasons, that's when the milk tasted the best since the cows were able to eat fresh grass, they had no other treats other than the milk, candy was a yearly occurrence if they were lucky. Yet this brat turned it down at every turn, as a man of philosophical means, an idea formed.

Ed was ranting again to Al, when all of a sudden a random concrete block fell on his head and he fell unconscious. Al saw Scar using his arm on the nearby wall, by his train of thought he though Scar was out to kill his brother again. But he just walked over, Al tried to fight him, but he was only defending himself, pulled his brother up by his hair, which looked aggressive…until he pulled out a bottle of milk and pour it into the unconscious boy's mouth. If Al had a mouth, it would be as wide as a well, did Scar just do that?

This was proven, as Scar kept on doing that…while Ed kept on wondering why does random blocks keep on hitting his head, and what was that taste in his mouth.

Bonus

Ed and Scar were in the fight of their life, Ed trying to save himself and his brother from the arm of destruction while Scar aimed for revenge. When all of the sudden the scenery changed to a dairy farm curtsey of the author (HEY!)

When Mustang and crew arrived, Ed was ranting at Scar for the exploding cows, which covered much of the scenery and Al in blood, guts and milk. All Scar did though was picking up the chibi by his hood and handed him to Mustang with only words of "you deal with this bean spout."

"HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I CAN FIT INTO A GREEN PEA POD!"

Author's note: The main story's set in the FMA Brotherhood when they were underground; the bonus is the first battle between Ed and scar. That arm of destruction did come in use…for exploding cows and making chibis unconscious. Review!

This is ELOSS Alchemist's choice; Ling is too close to Lan Fan which was done in the previous chapter. And you're two other choices were all people who like to destroy Ed for entertainment/ revenge, so Scar is chosen based on he crosses path with chibi chan more. 


	17. Christmas

**Disclaimer: Me =/= FMA owner**

Fritz Lang was normally a well tempered man; he had a successful film even though he was captured by those crazies, Thule society or something like that. But he couldn't get around the short tempered boy who confronted him for reasons even today, it's still a mystery. Really the kid was a loud mouth, he had no manners, and whoever is with him gets into trouble like him when that dragon came at him and getting captured by the truly insane cult people.

After that whole escapade, he decided to have a Christmas party for the sake of some normalcy, while since the kid always shows up in random places, might as well as invite him to. It was a miracle that he even survived, since he confronted one of the most feared man at the time, Hitler. Stopped his plans and live to tell the tale.

Edward Eric couldn't help but sneezed again, this weather made him felt like that time when the colonel bastard sent him to the mountains south east of central to retrieve a mail package for the bastard…it been mailed to the wrong place and how the hell was that a mission ? It was nearing Christmas, Al, Alfons and even their bastard father was cherry for the holiday season.

Although he couldn't see the point, it was a commercialized holiday to make you spend, spend spend…and he don't have enough marks. It was a big head ache to…apparently his father didn't die when envy crunched on him, he was part philosopher's stone, and there he was doing a victory dance. Alfons came back to life because…well he messed with the gate, the truth, multiple dimensions and possibly time when crossed over and back, so he's alive. They found the bomb two hour after Al came over to the other side…. Because the Thule society had the grand idea of hiding it…with his old man, the last place anyone would look. Really what were the cult idiots thinking? Hiding a weapon in enemy territory, aren't they afraid it being used against him.

And he just remembered, he needs to get something for Noah, Gracia and Hughes. Great what a waste of an afternoon when he could be looking up on this world's technology, or even better a way back home. Defiantly leaving the old man with Alfons. Two more hours, and this will all be over.

He got pet rocks for both Als that way his brother and his other dimension brother look alike won't bother him with strays anymore. A book titled "50000 Reasons Why Your Kid Hates You" for the old man, a scarf for Noah, what else could he get her? A flower pot for this world's Gracia and a book titled "51 Ways to Propose to Your Future Wife" for Hughes. Really he needs to get a move on.

So when he got home he was greeted with simultaneous greetings of "Brother" from both Als, which still freaks him out, it's like they're twins or something. So he got invited along with a max of three other guests to Fritz Lang's annual beginning this year Christmas party. Wait did he know anyone named Fritz, that's when Alfons threw a screw driver at his head, uhhh, the guy reminds him of his brother and Winry combined together sometimes…he was a mechanic to.

"Don't you remember Ed, he was the one who invited us to the movie screening? The one with the dragon, I still can't figure out how he got that visual effect." Alfons reminded him.

So two days later, he was at the party, bored out of his mind while Al danced with Noah, and Alfons discussed the visual effects of the movie with the director what's his name. He was so bored he took a nap, and was woken up by a slight giddy Al who handed him a glass of eggnog? What? Drink raw eggs? He'd never get this world, through his brother's persistence later joined with Alfons, Noah, and someone name Rei Mustan who looked too much like Mustang who kept on insulating he was underage(too small) who kept on trying to take the glass out of his hand.

"Now young man, this isn't for someone as young as you to drink."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I CAN ONLY DRINK OUT OF A SIPPY CUP?"

"That's a good idea; I'll get you some apple juice."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT AN APPLE IS A HUNDRED TIMES MY SIZE?"

"Grape than? Or would you rather prefer pomegranate?"

"I'M NOT THAT SMALL YOU BASTARD, NOW GIVE ME BACK MY DRINK AND MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!"

"I believe this is my business, you look no older than thirteen, young man."

"I'M SEVENTEEN YOU MORON! AND WHAT I DRINK IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"It is, by law."

"WHAT ARE YOU A POLICE OFFICER AND I'M NOT SO SMALL A LAW BOOK WOULD CRUSH ME!"

"I…didn't say that, and here, general Mustan of the police quadrant 2059."

Their conversation were finally interfered by Fritz, who finally proved he was over sixteen. So he got half drank by the end of the party and the Mustan guy given him a present of sort, but he is half afraid to open it remembering what Mustang given him for his thirteenth birthday, a book on positions is all he will say, it had graphic pictures on every page. Just remembering it makes him shiver, and the worst part Al found out and got depressed because he was holding his brother back…from that!

Christmas morning came along, both Als pouted at his gift and ended up throwing the blue and red pet rock, which was engraved in the stone at his head, but ended up apologizing and used it as decoration for the living room. His father was doing an in dept analysis of the book he given him, Noah was looking at herself in the mirror with the scarf he given her. Gracia came around with warm cookies to thank them for their thoughtful gifts; Hughes came around blushing, to rant at him around seven in the morning.

He finally got a chance to open his presents, two bottle of milk from Al, two bottles of milk from Alfons, two bottles of soy milk from Noah, milk pastries from Gracia, Calcium bars from Hughes, Calcium vitamins from his old man, another reason to hate him. Milk candy from Fritz, yes he opened the box which had a gift from Fritz. And Mustan out of all the thing he could've given him, a milk chocolate pacifier! He just met the guy last night where did the guy have the time to find this, buy it and wrap it up?

Another reason why e hates Christmas, he always got milk as a present.

Author's note: You may be asking he didn't drink any milk? Yes he did, the eggnog had milk, and alcohol. The time line was modified, and I mean come on, he crossed dimensions that have got to affect something, the logic wasn't in the movie a hundred percent. So yeah, Review people tis the season to give reviews!

This is based on Storm Uchiha's choice, and no it's not all the characters since he only drinks the eggnog which is at Fritz Lang's party which he's our world's version of Bradley.

Clue again: Someone who was murdered in the FMA series. 


	18. Sloth

**Disclaimer: Me =/= FMA owner**

Both Edward and Alphonse couldn't believe their eyes, their mother was a homunculi. They were so desperate to bring her back, and here she was. Although soon they were disappointed once again by the answers she gave them and it turned to an all out battle.

The full metal alchemist dodged, kicked and alchemized his surroundings, as a homunculi, his former mother was exceptionally good at hand to hand combat even though she never punched a person before in her former life (stay at home mom). But all of the sudden his mom…milkafied, her body was a hundred percent milk from which source, he had no idea, but he would prefer the kind from a cow since he's at the age where that kind of thing gets him embarrassed.

Al, the suit of armour was about to faint, did that glass of milk he putted in the large bucket of ingredients for the human body had that much effect? His brother only putted in some twenty year old calcium pill, and one of his tooth that fallen off….maybe that's why it went wrong…their mother did turn out to be…bones/calcium after.

The fighting became more comically as the little blond had a whole new reason to want to get rid of the homunculi. With random rants of "STOP TELLING ME THAT I'M SHORT YOU OVERGROWN MILK MOLECULE!" Al had to get away from the fight, since no matter how you look at it; milk is a type of liquid, and blood seal. Although he tried to get his brother to win, "Drink her!" he said, but both Ed and Sloth took ten seconds away from their battle to make a eww face at him, unknowing to the suit of armour to what he just implied.

The fight ended twenty minutes later, Ed ended up drinking half a gallon of the mystery milk and he was soaked…but he couldn't get rid of the homunculi because she got away. So after the trip, they went back to Resambol where Ed in his chibi mode was determined to end her. So he dug up their mother's grave and got out the minimal amount of her remains, Al found him during it. But the argument went from defiling their mother's grave to reasons why an immortal giant particle of milk should not be allowed to live which ended with a giant face palm on Alphonse's part.

Sloth died two month later, and even though she was their mother, Ed still did a victory dance while the suit of armour went anime teary eyed. No, not over their mother but the homunculi who is milk and was able to easily force milk into his too short brother.

"Al did you just think that I'm so short that I should be the younger bother?"

Author's note: The Sloth is from FMA, not brotherhood, I'm not even sure if I could use tat mindless mass, remember she was water, I just modified her a bit because during the human transmutation they would've needed calcium for the bones and teeth so Al putted too much milk in…in a sense. Review.

Clue: Someone who is more important than chibi chan/ Edward Eric in both series 


	19. Truth

**Disclaimer: If I owned the FMA series I make a mini series of Ed in chibi mode showing how cute he is.**

The offer was simple, yet so disastrous. The full metal alchemist got his brother's body back at a price which was relatively…cheap. The reason, the truth was bored, and it needed entertainment, so when chibi chan decided to visit him again, he given the alchemist's brother back with an extra arm, Ed's. Not telling the blonde what the price was but later on causing him embarrassment and trouble.

It was two weeks after he got his body back. It still felt weird, but his brother was acting weirder. Alphonse Eric couldn't figure out what was going on with brother, he tried throwing Black Hayate off the roof…he thought dogs could fly. He poked Winry, Colonel Mustang and Hawkeye in inappropriate places, exploring the wonders of the human body he called it, nearly poked out Mustang's eyes….although he was already blind. Didn't react when someone call short, shrimp or any implications of small. Asked Winry out on a date with flowers and chocolate….dragged him along, even though he was still recovering from being back on earth. Set Mustang's office on fire multiple times, acted extra cute around teacher…even asking for a hug? and DRANK HIS MILK DURING EVERY MEAL. Oh, and there was the occasional creepy smile.

When they got back to Resembool things went from weird to is-brother-mental-did- the-truth-took-his-sanity stage. The first month everything was normal, Ed was screeching whenever he was called shorts, shouting matches with Winry and trying to make a vegetable….he never let him out of bed without two supervisors. But by the end of the month, he tried throwing Pinako out "into the wild" which thankfully he caught because he recovered enough, his excuse "gnomes belong in the wild"! Sure granny was short, but a gnome? Started hitting Winry with her own wrenches when she got angry. When Mustang came to visit after he got his eyesight back, he used alchemy to…strip him in front of Hawkeye, who was accompany him….he's been traumatized forever. Stole Hawkeye's guns after, was his brother trying to get killed? And attempted to dress Mustang in a…pink, fluffy, bunny costume, which no one had any idea of where or how or why he got his hands on something so hideous. Cue anime sweat drop.

Colonel Mustang was scarred for life, by a pint size brat. What did he sacrifice, his sanity? Apparently so when one day out of nowhere the boy begin mumbling "I'm the truth", at first it was a whisper but when he had the not so great idea to question it. Things got from bad to worse. The truth showed its powers; all sort of things came up from the ground in the tiny town of Resembool, things that alchemy couldn't create. Lava, bubbles, some kind of green stuff an acid and in the Rockbell household, the hand things from the gate showed up. And the brat only tapped the ground once!

Never the less everyone had to deal with this new problem, and that creepy smile.

While Ed was in his chibi mode and pouting every time the truth took over. The thing was ridiculous, how can a thing like that be the ruler of equivalent exchange? Every time it took over, he end up doing something crazy, like stealing Hawkeye's guns. And when it didn't take over it becomes a super subconscious which keeps on telling him, "kiss her" and "drink more milk." Don't get him wrong it was worth it to get his brother's body back, but why was the price so...small, but then again the truth taken a liking to milk, ewwwwww, and Winry, which no other guy/girl/thing is allowed to touch, even if it's his own body.

Author's note: The truth isn't really sane, but do you expect him to be? Being stuck in where ever for centuries he must get bored so chibi chan is his way of getting out and creating havoc. So yeah, the truth is another side of Ed or a super subconscious, so Ed would do things he would never do. The only reason the truth is doing this is because he's bored like Ryuk, the shinigami from Death Note &&& its back to the weekly updates, school. So review! . 

Clue: A real dog of the military. 


	20. Hayate

**Disclaimer: Yeah right as if I will ever own this**

Black Hayate whimpered again as he heard the blonde boy yell out again. He covered his ears with his paws but it was no help, why did the silly people have to keep on teasing the smaller than them giant? It was making his ears ring; he let out a small growl which Hawkeye mistaken as a plea for food.

He got a milk bone again, why couldn't his master get him something tastier…and besides he has a whole secret stash of it. And why couldn't the mini giant stop screeching, dogs have very sensitive hearing, didn't the kid know? Black Hayate was beginning to dislike the small blonde alchemist, or more specifically that mouth of his which never shuts up.

The wheels in the small black and white puppy's brain begin to turn, an idea formed, he could shut the kid up and get rid of his stash. Which he only saved up because he wanted to be obedient to his owner…and not get shot again. And he was waiting for something tastier. So he waited.

At half pass three, Hayate heard snoring from the colonel's room, good he was asleep and his mouth was open, mission save - my – ears had began. Black Hayate began to run back and forth between Mustang's office and the room where his secret stash was at, he would take two three dog treats at once and dropped them into the boy's mouth.

Edward was dreaming of better memories when his dream turned into…weird tasting food, he was munching on mushroom pie, wine noodles, stir fried fruits and rice. In real time…he was munching on the treats, a real dog of the military (GRRR, you are evil!). Meanwhile the colonel and the lieutenant walked in to the strangest sight of their lives, Hayate feeding Edward doggy treats. Mustang began to sicker but Hawkeye went to discipline the puppy but was stopped by the colonel.

"Lieutenant, don't do anything, that's an order hahaaahaaa…." The colonel let out an unsuppressed laugh.

"…..yes…sir." As much as an idiot her superior could be, she still have to listen to him although it was good to hear him laugh again, and she couldn't help but let out a small smile as she sees the sleep walking, no hugging Edward attempting to cuddle Black Hayate muttering "teddy stay" and Black Hayate attempting to get out and feed the boy more bones.

The suit of armour walked in an even more awkward scene, he saw his brother cuddling hayate, the colonel and lieutenant watching with laughter in their eyes. Hayate getting out, going outside of the room, coming back with three dog treats in his mouth….and his brother munching on them.

Al let out a frustrated sigh that woke up his brother; Black Hayate was in the process of feeding him another set of bones. The colonel let out a laugh, the lieutenant sighed, and Ed began chasing the dog around. This resulted in hayate being chased and cursed by Ed, Hawkeye chasing after them, Mustang following and him chasing after the wild bunch.

"COME BACK MUTT, WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I DON'T EAT HUMAN FOOD, I EAT THE LEFT OVER BONES LIKE A DOG!"

"Full metal, you are a dog of the military."

"SHUT UP, AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I'M THE SIZE OF A CHIWAWA!"

_Extra_

Black hayate couldn't shut the small big blonde up, but he could shut the big fire man up.

He had another idea; the two, the flame and full metal were screaming again, all of a sudden Hayate with his playing ball in his mouth jumped up to the desk. He jumped again toward the colonel, with a flip of his head; he threw the ball at the colonel's mouth. Which stuck and shut him up, Edward howled with laughter, Alphonse sighed and Hawkeye was thinking "more training" while loading up her gun.

Author's note: you know the milk bones that dogs eat right? Well that's what was being fed to chibi chan. &&& on an unrelated note which games would you play or combine? And if you were to modify it how would you, it have to be related to the topic of in a sense illegal relationships (guy's older, or married, or belong in another world, Cinderella), just shoot your ideas. Review .&&& Gives virtual  to reviewers. Thank you very much and foe the followers virtual worms! (not meant to attack u r computer) 

Clue: A blood relation to the Erics, think broadly.


	21. Reason

**Disclaimer: FMA=/= Own**

From the many people that knew the famed small alchemist, few could understand him. As entertaining as his rants are about his height, and the unfound mystery of why he hates milk. Yes, he was a mystery, especially to Mustang and crew.

Edward Eric was in chibi mode, pouting while crossing his arms. He had to go on a mission with his commanding officer, Al was with them, but he ran off to another part of the train to get them food. Why couldn't the bastard let him go on his own, he was not a kid!

"Hey shrimp, let's make a stop at Resembool."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL A TOY TRAIN'S WHEEL COULD CRUSH HIM! And why?"

"Full metal, your auto mail hand isn't even functional, you don't expect me to expect you to fight in those conditions do you?"

"You're enough of a bastard."

"Brother!" the suit of armour acknowledged while carrying an arm load of food, sandwiches, garlic bread, oranges, apples, star fruit, where did he get that? And milk, cartons of it.

"Al, we're going to Resembool, the bastard want to make a detour!"

"Brother…your auto mail arm isn't working right…. "

"It's perfectly functional!"

"On the outside brother… you should thank the colonel for his consideration."

Ed grumbled, why Al was always on the bastard's side. He ate, but later fall into a daze noticed by Al but was carefully monitored by the colonel who notice the chance in the little alchemist's state.

_Flashback…_

"_Dada!" the three year old Edward Eric yelled as he was lifted by his father. His mother was going out of town for a week because she had to. Before she left she told both boys, "mama have something important to do, she's going to help your grandfather, alright."_

_So both boys were left in the care of the century old alchemist. They said alchemy started in the kitchen, while they were dead wrong, Hohenhiem could not cook. For the first two days all the kids ate were oatmeal boiled in milk, until Al threw a tantrum about the food. All the boys did was run around the house, wearing out the old alchemist. _

_Although he didn't mind, he barely get to spend enough time with them, he had a mission. His boys were just like him, he saw as the tiny golden eyed child tried to lift the just two year old Alphonse with little success._

"_Come on, my little warriors, time to eat." He cooed to the children. _

"_No omeal!" Al screamed out._

"_Dada, go to granny's?" Edward pouted using the puppy eyes on his father to ensure a meal that won't be bland._

"_That's a good idea, little Edo, let's go then." Taking the kids to their granny's for better food, and some company._

_The next few days were filled with screams and laughter's, Hohenhiem mummified by toilet paper, getting cold ice water poured on him because he wouldn't wake up. Getting tied to his bed because the boys wanted to play pirate, and reading to him boys. What boy at the age of three like alchemy books? He tried a story book but it ended up being thrown at his head._

_The last few days were quieter; they either ate out, or go to granny's. But on the second last day Hohenhiem just didn't have the time so he stuck a big baby bottle into Ed's mouth which resulted in a pout and a smaller baby bottle in Al's mouth which resulted in a glare and "humph!" Although all was peaceful. Trisha came back to seeing the father of her children holding them on the couch, all of them asleep._

_Flashback…_

He sighed, times weren't like that anymore, and before he knew it Mustang had him in a head lock and was pouring milk into his mouth. He punched the bastard a few times but it didn't get him out.

Five milk cartons later, Edward Eric was pouting, crossing his arms and in ultra chibi mode. Why did Mustang make him feel like such a kid? While Al watched as his brother was successfully pulled out of his depression like state again, Mustang was like the father they never had…maybe if it was him as their father, they wouldn't make that mistake…..

Author's note: This chapter is focused not on Mustang but Hohenhiem since Ed = hates milk + hates being called short + hates his father, so I connected everything together. &&& as for the question of would he choke in the last chapter….ummmm….he was dreaming of food and munching on the bones if that answers anything. Review.

Clue: one of the seven/14 sins? It can be from either series. 


	22. Wrath

**Disclaimer: Own =/= FMA**

Ed and Al was on Yock Island again, the place where they starved, strived and survived. They were walking along the shores when the stranger from their youth appeared again. The full metal alchemist ran after the shadow…and in the end caught the boy. He didn't speak, just struggled to get away.

Izumi saw her baby again, except he wasn't so small, and didn't know who she was. The truth, did it ending up granting her wish? But all the boy did was tried to get away. She had all of her boys together again, but she wonders how he came to be here.

Wrath was fuming on the inside, he was living on the island fine for the last five years, and then an alchemist caught him and dragged him to some random woman's place. He was fine living in the wild where there were no rules and now the armour thingy was trying to force him into a t shirt and pants. He tried to pound the armour, his hand suffered, and he got yelled at by the blonde alchemist. He pouted, when he was going to get out.

The first few days consisted of Wrath trying to run away and never succeeding, they had to force food into him. But by the end of the week, they set into a routine, Wrath discovered milk, the treat that he never had, Izumi was less intimating see this. Although Edward notices something the boy had his arm and leg that he lost to the truth! He didn't confront him right away, teacher was there and she keeps on cuddling him! Who was he anyways?

Two more weeks passed, Al noticed something, his brother grew….two cm! Ed found that he kept on dreaming about milk and tasting milk….even when he was eating meat! Was teacher putting milk in everything she cooks?

"STOP DRINKING MILK!"

"No, big meanie!"

"STOP DRINKING MILK, BRAT!"

"EVIL MEANIE, SHORTIE, LITTLE BEAN!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A DROP OF MILK CAN FLOOD HIM, YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

Al putted two and two together and regrettably told his brother about it. His brother's height was caused by the boy who had his brother's arm and leg….he's probably a homunculus…. The first thing brother done was this, a shouting match between his brother and a ten year old. Izumi came home to a shouting match which she stopped with two anime bumps on both boys' heads.

A month pass, Ed grew, and Wrath was kidnapped by Envy, who was getting a bigger headache by the minute. This brat was so different from chibi chan, he given him the philosopher's stones for him to consume yet the brat kept on demanding milk! GRRRRRRRRRR that's it he was not a mother hen or a cow where did he expect the milk to come from; they were homunculus, not whiny brats! Why does he get stuck as the babysitter, first the little blonde chibi now a ten year old whiny brat?

Author's note: Wrath is connected to Ed by having his arm and leg, sort of like the brotherhood Al whose body was connected to Ed because he used his blood in the human transmutation. This Wrath is from the 2003 series, why wouldn't he be addicted to milk; he was taken as a baby so it's something that he never had. So Ed is benefitting from Wrath drinking milk…and in a way is drinking it himself. Review.

Clue: one of Mustang's crew members. 


	23. Photo

**Disclaimer: own =/= FMA**

Edward Eric's cheeks were puffed out; he was in his chibi mode, pouting with arms crossed. The suit of armour looked on; his brother was in one of his moods again…ever since his brother noticed that the number of people who had been forcing milk into him had significantly increased. Before he used to glare at the bottle of milk during his meals, now… he throws the bottles away where ever and whenever he sees them, Al gets stuck with the damages.

They had to go to central again, before either of the boys knew what was happening Maes Hughes was in front of them. The photo crazy man was showing the brothers the two hundred and seventy nine set of photos he took of his daughter.

"Look at my little Elicia during her first glass of milk by herself!"

"Oh look, isn't she cute, at kindergarten and her first snack, isn't she cute drinking the chocolate milk!"

"Look at Elicia's first photo in her mini camera, a bottle of milk isn't she such a sweetie?"

The Eric brothers had two very different mindsets right now; Ed was in ultra chibi mode glaring at the photo hyper man while Al was wondering if his brother was going to do anything drastic…like blowing up central….again. Although the photos Al notice were all of milk….cows, and the occasional baby bottle, were these photos real or was Mr Hughes also on forcing-milk-into-brother operation which he noticed a lot of people were on. Long story short that day Ed blew up central again.

When they got back to their military dorm….the full metal chibi blew up the dorm too. Why you ask? There were four twelve by twelve photos of a glass of milk covering the walls of the room…and a picture of a cow on the ceiling. When did the man have the time to sneak into their room and put up photos?

They ended up staying at the Hughes, Ed ended up drinking milk because of continues nudging from Gracia and Elicia called him a "teddy bear sized brother." Which the full metal alchemist replied with "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE DOESN'T PLAY WITH A TEDDY BEAR A TEDDY DAY PLAY WITH HIM!"

Never the less all was fine until the next morning, they left but it took until noon until Al noticed on Ed's red hood jacket was missing the signature snake and cross replaced with a bottle of milk…and a cow? Ed didn't notice…but Al was there when he took the jacket away…so how could he not know?

A week later the Hughes moved into their temporary home…because the angry little alchemist turn them home into a giant glass dome, they had no way of getting in, time to the repair man, or Mustang.

Author's note: you know the huge picture of Elicia during the episode flame vs. full metal, replace that with a glass of milk in Ed's military dorm. And Ed didn't destroy the Hughes' home, jest renovated it. Hughes is photo crazy so it's a photo attack, and Al finally notices how many people are forcing milk into his .

I have no idea as if right now either so no clues. 


	24. Furball

**Disclaimer: Do I have to keep on doing this?**

Edward Eric groaned his brother showed him the fifth stray he wanted to take in….in the last hour. Al was like this ever since the full metal alchemist made a list of reasons….of why they should not take in strays, over five pages long and had over two hundred reasons listed. Now the suit of armour was even fiercer in his pursuit of a pet.

A week later Ed given in to his demand, but Al didn't pick up a kitty, but a cute, small, white furry bunny. Where did he even get the bunny anyways, they don't have the animal in central? But a bunny was better, no furballs…and it doesn't really do anything….

So imagine Al's surprise when he came back to the military dorms after grocery shopping, Ed was munching on a….milk chocolate covered carrot. The bunny was on his stomach, was that a glare? Then it turned its cute face at Al and gave the glare of death.

During the next week, Al found that Ed was constantly eating carrots or drinking milk…in his sleep. While the bunny kept on glaring at him, what did he do? And can rabbits even glare? And it's a bunny for crying out loud! Although Al tried to get rid of the accursed bunny, Ed gotten attached to the little"Furball" no really that was his name, furball.

"Al you wanted the bunny!"

"N-no that thing's evil, come on brother you never let me keep pets, why him?"

"Because he's….a furball?"

"Or maybe you like having someone smaller than you around….."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE IS THE FURBALL THE CAT COUGHED UP!"

After that…well the evil bunny was kept. Although Mustang's office was nearly trashed again after Ed waking up to drinking milk from a carrot shaped baby bottle, yes he still remembers that horrible incident.

Within the third week Ed learned the bunny was evil! It would do its bathroom business on his head! Ate his lunch! Glared at him, how could rabbits glare? And started chewing up Al's armour, as a snack?

The bunny was thrown out. Unknown to the Eric brother, they took in Envy…..who turned into a bunny for reasons even the authoress does not know.

Author's note: As you can tell the stray bunny was Envy, why bunny? It's the year of the rabbit, happy Chinese new year! So the evil bunny appears "Furball" and as for why Envy transformed let's ask it right now!

Envy: I am not an it you arrogant human!

Author: Yeah, yeah he-she-thingy, why did you transform?

Envy… You made me and one more word from you then you're going into Gluttony!

Author: No really why a bunny…?

Envy: Fine, fine I know the brat have a soft spot for bunnies from the many hours I've been stalking him?

Author: You stalk…..him….

Al: The bunny was Envy *Shudders* feed her to….gluttony please.

Ed: I third that*Shudders* than attempt to stab Envy to death for stalking him.

Al: Looks on while trying to convince brother to go after the writer like he and Envy are doing.

Author runs from crazy cast, puts up forth wall.

REVIEW

Clue: A V day special, something I wanted to do for a long time! Guess who? 


	25. Love?

**Disclaimer: Really do I have to keep on doing this****?**

Edward Eric, also known as the full metal alchemist was hiding. From whom you ask? His wife, Winry Rockbell, now known as Eric who just got over her first pregnancy. Don't get him wrong, he didn't mind being a dad or her mood swings during the ten long months but he never thought she would take Mustang's tactics seriously. SHE WASN'T JUST FEEDING THEIR NEW BABY MILK; SHE ATTEMPTED TO FEED HIM TO….DURING THEIR LOVE MAKING MOMENTS!

He knows that she wants him to drink milk, but it was just ridiculous! It was bad enough when Mustang did it when his auto mail was wrecked….with a fake nipple of course, and it made him felt like a baby! She would do it to, the first time it was unexpected, the second time he didn't even know what was happening, she knocked him out with a wrench. The third time he didn't even want to go there, she fed their baby, he wanted to name him Edwin, but she beat the name out of him; he's named Daniel….anyways she tried to feed him afterward.

What would make her think that he would like her milk better than a cow? Wait…he answered his own question….never mind. Going to hide at Al and the bean sprouts until Winry get over feed- Edward- my- milk phase.

Oh yeah, and beat up Mustang for doing that to him four years ago! Even if he's a retired alchemist, he could still bust into Mustang's office and give him a piece of his mind. Humph! EVIL MUSTANG! If it weren't for the auto mail incident, he wouldn't be here right now….. He's sending Mustang and Hawkeye to marriage counselling whether they like it or not! Let see how Mustang deal with his lover breast feeding him…and he knows just the man to play counsellor, Grumman!

Author's note: Remember chapter 3, auto mail? Well this is the result, that's why Ed's running for his life while trying to ruin Mustang's marriage! This is after brotherhood so you can see the love. Review!

Clue: Someone crazy in the series. 


	26. Mancow

**Disclaimer...so yeah…..**

During their stay at the Tucker mansion, Edward Eric learned several important things. Never agree to Nina's ideas, multiple times he got stuck in a dress, and somehow the suit of armor known as Al was able to fit into a suit while they played "house." Never let Nina have sugar, the girl became so hyper one time Al given her some sweets that she started drawing on the full metal alchemist's face while he was asleep, using…a permanent marker…..he ended up looking like a panda, or raccoon. And never ever call her old even if it was referring to her age, the girl was seven! How could she despise the word so much and for reasons a mystery to the Eric brothers.

The dog, never give him human food, he'll stalk you, once Ed given him some of his left over chicken, the dog followed him to bed, to the library…..to the showers. Never let there be food on you, since Ed was a messy eater, he became a dog treat….literally since the giant dog always knock him down and lick his face clean after a meal. And for Al, never let the thing inside his armor, the dog got in somehow when Al was in an unconscious state inside his armor…which was as close to sleep as he could get, the dog went in and almost gave both Erics heart attacks. The canine could lick the blood seal off! That's why Al likes felines even more now.

Shou Tucker, they both decided was crazy, the man tried to cut up Al's armor, set Ed's air on fire and his cooking…..were experimentally fatal. He mixed poison ivy in a salad, putted noodles and leather shoes together? Rice balls filled with hot sauce.

But that wasn't the worst, the Eric brother found Tucker before he was about going to morph his daughter with an animal. Ed with his quick reflexes got Nina out….and accidently kicked Tucker in. Now he was half man…half cow…why did the man wanted to merge a cow with his daughter? Did he miss his wife? Ed was in anti- milk mode which meant Tucker was going to get it while Al shielded Nina from the man with too many nipples and called the colonel.

Colonel Mustang in all of his years as an officer never seen anything like this, the shrimp was fighting Tucker with Cow organs and horns. The blonde would curse whenever the man made milk hits him, Tucker's alchemy changed, he was like Ed but the only thing that came out of him was man milk.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I CAN DROWN IN YOUR TWISTED ALCHEMY!"

"WHO ARE YOU INDICATING THAT'S SO SMALL AN UNKNOWN FORCE HAS TURNED YOU INTO A COW TO SPITE ME!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL TRUTH THAT YOU ALLOWED A SUCCESSFUL FUNCTIONAL CHIMERA TO FORCE MILK INTO ME!"

Ed's rants grew louder…and Tucker was beaten to a pulp. The military took him away and Nina was adopted by the Hughes. Al wondered why even the crazy ones want to force milk into his brother, Envy was one thing but Tucker the man's so crazy that he deserves his own asylum.

Author's note: As you can tell, I don't like Tucker, so he became a mancow and this is worse to Ed anyways than the chapter Sloth because that was his mother/ a real cow's milk…this is man….milk. Well, he's crazy anyways. Review.

Clue: One of the many opposites of crazy is the next theme/ character. 


	27. Cute?

**Disclaimer: …..**

Edward Eric never thought it would come to this… he was an alchemist not a babysitter, but Maes Hughes just had the great idea of taking Elicia to the office in his own version of "take your kid to work day," and …dumped his daughter in Mustang's office who later dumped her on to the Eric brothers. Not that she was annoying or anything, but how could they research with a three year old hanging of him?

Although his brother was taking to the change way too easily, he was feeding her; grooming her, petting….wait did he think that Elicia was a cat? So like Al….

Lunch came rolling around, the Eric brothers were in the lunch room, Ed was wolfing down his food, the suit of armor was trying to get the forest green eyed child to stop crying. However…she was only getting louder….

The brothers were approached by Mustang and his crew, and the famous short rants begin….now.

"Why full metal, next to Elicia, you almost look tall."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I CAN'T PLAY WITH A THREE YEAR OLD BECAUSE I'M THE SIZE OF THE DOLLS THEY PLAY WITH!"

"It's admirable full metal that you think that you're taller than a doll."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE'S ONLY THE SIZE OF THE DOLL ACCESSORIES!"

"Now that's more realistic full metal, I'm glad to finally convince you of it."

Unknown to the flame and full metal duo, little Elicia stopped crying, she was playing with Maes. But she wanted to play with the cute short action figure who yells a lot. Although no one anticipated this, when Hughes held her up, wait down to Ed, she began to whack him on his head with her milk bottle.

Two seconds later…somehow Ed was unconscious, what was the milk bottle made out of? Al was frantic, and Elicia did something that made the military cafeteria unavailable for the next week and Ed brushing his teeth over a hundred times, Mustang….just laughed and took pictures for black mail (Ed: The bastard!). She puked up…. Her breakfast and lunch on Ed face and some into his mouth, since she was still a teething baby, Ed got milk that day….processed milk, and baby food.

Author's note: The opposite of crazy, cute, and as for the guess of Gracia from Mew Phong, you were close enough! So basically in this chapter, Ed ate puke…..which had milk in it. Thanks to all who followed this fic, it gotten to 9,020 hits. Thank you to all who reviewed and kept on reviewing and guessing. Review .

Clue: None, another "what the readers want to see" this time, think of ways you want to see Ed drink milk, as you've read by now they can be as crazy as you want. Top three most creative will be picked and I will make it happen, and this helps me... since I'm running out of fuel, and am worrying about getting accepted to university… sort of…. 


	28. PMS

**Disclaimer: Yay another chapter ^.^**

Edward Eric feared few people in his life, his teacher Izumi is one of them. Hawkeye seemed vicious but that was mostly to the Colonel, Winry beat him with wrenches…..when he breaks his auto mail. But he officially decided upon meeting the eldest of the Armstrong that she was a woman to be feared and more, on a side note, the Armstrong family is crazy.

It began when he and Al settled down in their makeshift beds, which didn't have anything. A solider told them minutes after that they had to meet Olivier in the grand hall, when they got there they only saw backets of water and mops, the ice queen left with "everyone earns their own keep at Briggs, now get to it brats!"

The grand hall at Briggs was not small, it could put central's ball room to shame, as the Eric brothers were cleaning, well Al was cleaning….Ed was complaining about why a state alchemist have to do the janitor's work. Olivier appeared out of nowhere and saw only not even one fourth of the hall was cleaned.

"Erics, what did I tell you, midget get to work you're not going to waste me and my men's time!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A SNOWFLACK COULD CRUSH HIM!"

"How dare you speak to your superiors this way, I see that Mustang have taught you nothing about the military rule. He may excuse you because you're a kid, but in Briggs, all soldiers are the same!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN ONLY PLAY SOILDER BUT NEVER BE ONE…YOU, YOU PMSING WOMAN!"

"What did you say?" cue Olivier's glare of a thousand death and anime anger sign. Before Edward knew it, he was being dragged away by Olivier while Al watched on; if he had a body he would be shuddering under the glare of the Major General.

Ed wasn't seen for the whole day, Al was getting worried…little did he know that the eldest Armstrong had her own ways of torturing the little blonde alchemist, ways exclusive to the Armstrong family.

Ed couldn't believe it, all because he called her a "PMSING WOMAN"? he was chained up to a metal experimental bed, arms and legs locked by chains five inches thick, in front of him was in his mind the most evil woman ever. She beats out Izumi for sure seeing as Izumi never forced him to drink milk only strongly suggested it… if there was a difference. She had the same glare but it looked like she wanted to teach him a lesson…..she was holding a five foot seven needle, it was huge! And in it was filled with milk…NOOOOOOOOO!

"So brat, you want to be a solider huh? I wouldn't take a midget like you on my quadrant so let's do something about that!" Cue Armstrong evil glare.

"WHO ARE !" the screech was heard throughout Briggs, the Briggs soldiers weren't surprised after all the Major always obtain all the details big and small about any outsiders who comes into Briggs, she had her own way of finding things out….and using it against her enemies. While poor Alphonse Eric feared for his brother's life although Miles tried to comfort him, it wasn't working….seeing as how he was talking about her accomplishment…

The next day in the cafeteria, with one glare of Olivier's, Ed didn't only ate everything on his plate, he drank his milk "like a good Briggs solider, her territory her rules."

Author's note: This is for Mew Phong's suggestion of Olivier….it isn't exactly at sword point but worse. Seeing as Ed called her a "PMSING WOMAN!" and Olivier deserves her own spot light as the sanest Armstrong. Although it's the only one for the reader's suggestions because not enough people suggested for this and the next two chapters. So Review, if you have any ideas or suggestions I be happy to hear them.

Ed (reads): the next chapter's clue will consist of a sobbing, loving Ed? Who will think of Mustang as his father…wait a minute you're not doing this. You didn't hire me and this is illegal! I'M COMPLAINING YOU MADE ME SUFFER TOO MUCH, NO; NO YOU'RE NOT DOING THIS… AND I AM NOT SHORT!*pouts*

Author: so you want to complain?

Ed: Duh?

Author: Great I'll arrange for three mystery guests.*grins*

Ed: IT BETTER NOT BE MUSTANG AGAIN!

Author: No, no he had his time in the spot light, so readers take a guess?

Ed: READERS DON'T GUESS, THIS WOMAN IS CRAZY ENOUGH, SHE ALREADY THOUGHT OF 28 WAYS TO KILL ME?

Author: it's just milk, and that's another story, 100 Ways to Die: Edward Eric Style… which is about killing you.

Ed: BUT YOU ARE KILLING ME…WITH MILK OVER DOSING, DRINK MAN MILK EWWWWWW EATING PUKE….

And Ed rumbles on. 


	29. I2

**Disclaimer: This is getting repetitive…..: [**

Author: Hello all, today we're here to hear chibi chan complain!

Ed: *Pouts* I'm not a chibi, AND STOP WRITING THE STORY HUMPH!

Author: No…anyways here are our special mystery guests, behind curtain one the people's alchemist's brother, curtain two, the deceased mother and curtain three, his boss's boss's boss.

Al: Uhhhhh…hello everyone….*bows*

Ed: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, AL I TOLD YOU TO STAY HOME!

Al: Well…..I kinda want to come.

Author: next up, the deceased mother turned homunculi!

Sloth: Well, it's nice of you to invite me….but do you have to keep on reminding everyone that I'm officially dead? Anyways Ed drink your milk!

Ed: I- I, you're a homunculi what do you care? *chibi mode*

Sloth: Edward David Eric, have you forgotten who brought you to this world!

Author: Moving on...you can sort out your family problems later after the show!

Ed: You never told me that this was going on air, you-

Author: -welcome King Bradley…you know the one that hired….the professional….stalker…Mustang?

Bradley: Hello all.

Author: Al, how did you feel while you were drowning your brother in milk?

Ed: WHY YOU-

All of a sudden Ed was in an anti alchemy hamster cage, courtesy of the author so e doesn't disrupted the interviews.

Al: Can brother be let out of his…..ummm hamster cage first?

Author: No, now answer the question. *glares*

Al: It felt….pretty good, I mean you putted us in a milk factory and it be a waste for Ed not to drink any….but did you have to make it sound like I was killing him?

Author: Now Sloth, how did you feel about….your former child…drinking from you at the age of fifteen?

Sloth: Why in the name of seven sins did you have to turn me into milk because they *glares at Ed and Al* messed up the ingredience for human transmutation?

Author: As the shrimp's boss do you think you should have hired a….stalker after him?

Bradley: Of course….he was costing the military money! And besides full metal is the least alchemist looking from all of the state alchemists…..from the media in central they made it sound like one of the soldiers took their kid to work and forgot him there.

Ed: HEY, I'M NOT SO SMALL THAT A TOY SOILDER COULD BE MY FATHER!

Al: Can I get my question answered?

Sloth: Do. Not. Ignore. Me. Human.

Author: Al, you were in a milk factory, you broke one of those gigantic containers that could cause a mini flood…and Ed's mini….and Sloth one of the ingredence is calcium…it's either milk or the sun…. any ways the reason I called you all out here is that we're going to play a game, I have chocolate, strawberry and normal milk pick one.

Al: Chocolate…? But I'm a suit of armor *anime depression*

For the show Al was turned human again, although Ed wasn't happy…hamster cage.

Bradley: Normal.

Sloth: Strawberry then.

Author: Good, now your goal is to hit Ed with milk, you all have different colors so whatever he's covered with the most will win the prize of choosing their own milk way, forcing Ed to drink milk, you all have an unlimited supply. There are no rules, and when the chibi gets released from his cage, go!

Ed gets released from the hamster cage; Sloth drank the milk…and became strawberry milk instead of water. King Bradley somehow had an army of ten thousand soldiers throwing milk bombs at Ed. Ed was running for his dear life, while human Al…well…

Al: Can you bring Mei or Ling or someone here.

Author: No.

Al: But you said there are no rules.

Author: I can give you these?

Author hands Al a bucket of water, bounce ball, glasses, a wheel chair and a brush. After two seconds Al's eyes light up, cue blue alchemic light.

Al: Brother!

Ed: Good, there's someone on my side…..these people are crazy! AL, AL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Alponse Eric covered his brother in a shade of milk chocolate created with the chocolate milk and dragged him to the Author.

Al: There! *grins*

Author: I … guess that works...so how do you want-

Al: I want brother to have one, one thousandth of his brain turn into a kitty's… not enough to nekofy him…just enough to get him to drink milk!

Ed: WHAT!AL, I AM NOT SO SMALL THAT A CAT'S BIGGER THAN ME!*pouts and crosses arms*

Author writes on laptop, Ed suddenly became cat like because of a transmutation that Mustang tried on him when he was asleep; it was a random transmutation circle that he drew. From then Ed hissed at mice, cuddled with Winry and thought of armor Al and Mustang as scratching posts.

Al: WAIT, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT COME BACK! BROTHER WAS RIGHT, YOU ARE A MEANIE!

ED: MEOW?

Author writes some random alchemist brought Al's body back… as a five year old. Now they all went back to the story.

Mustang: WHY IN THE NAME OF THE GATE DID YOU GIVE ME A FIVE YEAR OLD AL, AND A HISSY ED TO LOOK AFTER?

Author:…

Author's note: Sooo this is the interview. Review. & no this isn't neko Ed. & since spring break is here I'll try to do two chapters next week.

Clue: The most powerful person in FMA, FMA Brotherhood, and FMA Conquer of Shambolla. 


	30. Arakawa

**Disclaimer: You all know that I don't and never will own it.**

Edward and Alphonse Eric were just walking around in central when they spotted a cow, a talking, walking cow…she even had glasses on. Being Edward Eric, he thought the cow was a chimera and automatically tries to attack her. It didn't work though, the crazy cow knew his weakness and a glass of milk was produced out of nowhere and splashed in his face.

"Why did I create such a brat, can't he see that I'm his creator?" the talking cow muttered.

The author, not wanting to miss out on the opportunity to force milk into Ed trapped him in an anti alchemy tube…thingy and mechanically hands from the sky grabbed the talking cow and milked her for all she was worth. Before Edward could even rant, the cow beat him to it.

"I did this as a favor to you, why would you torture me in my own series? And stop calling me a damn cow; I have a name, Hiromu Arakawa!"

"The forth wall is down?" The author replied.

"How could it be up when you have the creator of all things mighty…in the full metal alchemist world here?"

Both Ed and Arakawa Sama somehow freed themselves of the author's confinements. Now both Ed and Al were curious of when this cow, woman…whatever she is was to them.

"Sooo….you're telling me that you created me and my brother and everything here?" Ed asked skeptically.

The author chooses at this time to write in all the important characters of the full metal alchemist series. Although the author wanted to make things easy for herself….so now there were fourteen sins and an extra Envy from the movie, three Eds, four Als and three Mustang crews, one Dante, three Hohehiem….plus the crazy one. Even multiple Armstrongs, Alex made everyone shudder; Olivier just made things worse…for Arakawa. Multiple Winrys, with Sigs and Izumis present.

"Do you have to do this?" The cow asked the author.

"Well, don't blame me…you created the multiple versions of them." The author replied.

"And quit calling me a-"

"It makes things easier alright; Arakawa Sama….your name isn't the easiest to type."

The cow then began to explain who she was and handed out multiple copies of the manga, anime, and the brotherhood version to everyone present, giant TVs appeared out of nowhere, so then all the characters began reading or watching…themselves. And the complaints began.

"Ed confessed to me in the last chapter?" Brotherhood Winry mourned…wrench at hand.

"Well at least you have him…he's in another world!" The other two Winrys glared.

"I got killed by chibi chan…twice?" Brotherhood Envy cried to the anime and movie version.

"I helped the mortals?" The brotherhood Lust questioned her anime counterpart.

"I got blinded and send up to the mountains?" Brotherhood Mustang questioned the other two.

"I declined the colonel's advances in chibi party." All three Hawkeyes glared at the cow.

"Ahhhhhh, I look like a skeleton/kid, and brother you lost your alchemy/ went to another world to get my body back!" the anime and brotherhood version Als cried to his brother..s and the movie and mirror version…of himself….who just looked clueless.

"Why did you create such a crazy bastard as my father?" Anime and Brotherhood Ed screeched to the cow.

"I lost my legs…." Anime Havoc cried to his counter parts.

"You replaced the cute Wrath with him!" Brotherhood Izumi screeched at the cow.

"Briggs is only in Brotherhood!" Olivier send glare of a thousand deaths.

While everyone was complaining movie Ed came to a conclusion. He screamed a random short rant, "WHO ARE CALLING SO SMALL A DVD COULD CRUSH HIM!" that got everyone's attention. He cleared his throat, pointed at the cow and declared"don't you people realize? She's….ummmm….our…god…!"

"NO, WE'RE CREATEDBY A COW!" the other two Ed screeched. "Why aren't you reacting?" they asked movie Ed. "I'm the oldest, I think I'm seventeen…and I seen worse…but wow…." The movie Ed was speechless.

"Gluttony, spit out Cornello!" lust ordered.

The false father came out when he saw all the evidence in front of him….. He killed himself.

Alfons was just plain clueless…why was he here? He was a mirror image for Christ….uhhh cow's sake…he's not a major character…and all the screaming by his original counter parts was getting to him.

By the end, the cow was chased by an angry FMA mob; the author couldn't help because she feared she would be blamed too.

"You brought me here! You should be suffering too!" the cow screamed, but the fourth wall was up again.

Five days later…after modifying the series seven hundred times, the cow got out and wrote a very, very angry letter to the author.

Author's note: the most powerful person in FMA? The creator, if you haven't notice Arakawa Sama always draws herself as a cow, it be a waste not to fit her here. And this isn't meant to insult the series…or the creator… but I couldn't help it. Now who wants to read the angry letter? So review…and hope the best for Japan, that earthquake happens once every five hundred years, and there's the nuclear problem

Clue: Someone in the military, a minor character not directly related to the Mustang crew. 


	31. Red

**Disclaimer: You know I don't own it…..:(**

She couldn't believe it, she absolutely couldn't believe it, and how could they done this? The Eric brothers that she and Brosh were guarding were caught up in a scandal like this! They were just children, yet she could see the Edward Eric being embraced by a storm of lightning, his eyes dimming. She had to get to him, who was the monsters that wanted to conduct such disgusting experiments with human lives. She might not be an alchemist, but she was a soldier, serving the people…yet this was going on under their noses.

She embraced the boy…his golden eyes overshadowed by the gloom blue of the alchemic charges. She could feel his heart beat slowing with every passing second, his skin was already way too cold. She could only hold him tighter, hoping for some kind of closure that will release the boy from the alchemic binds that held him here.

Lab 5 was crumbling, the soldiers hurried out, yet Ed wasn't budgeting, his mumbling heard only by Ross, "momma, momma" he hoarsely said. She could only reply by stroking his golden mane and whispering "shhh" to the startled boy. The golden hues of his eyes were coming back, yet she knew somewhere in her heart that this was not in the end.

The Eric brothers went back to the military dorms, everything seemed normal for mere hours before Edward went into a seizure like state. The suit of amour tried to calm his brother down, but the cool surface of his artificial body did nothing to calm the golden boy. Ross rushed in as soon as she heard the incoherent shouting coming from the brothers' room.

The sight was unbelievable, Edward's face was covered in sweat, his eyes dimmed again into a dark murky brown, his skin pale and his words meaningless yet voiced the boy's inner demons.

"No, nouhh no, stay ay-away, do-d-don't take him, no!" seeing him in such a state, she couldn't bare it, she knew she was only a solider…and that emotional affairs should be kept separate from military but she thinks, haven't the youth been through enough. She sees Alphonse's eyes darken even though he doesn't physically have them, she could sense his guilt from not taking on more of the burden that Edward decided to carry.

Maria embraces the golden eyed alchemist again, this action awakens him, but as they both could see it was not enough. The red waters did something to the people's alchemist…and it was exposing his every fear, making him vulnerable.

After a short discussion with her partner, Ross reported to Mustang the recent happenings, the shock in his eyes visible even when he tried to hide it. Even though he was known as the womanizer of central, she realized he cared about the small alchemist under his care. She saw him again at the end of the day, he personally brought food, medicines, and even a doctor…but nothing was helping the boy.

His seizures happened again and again; with fewer times in between…he even tried to attack Mustang during one of them. They thought there was no cure, but she wasn't giving up, Maria could see their concern, everyone of Mustang's crew had came over to visit at least once…Riza, even broke down when she saw the state Edward was in, and Al, Al was trapping himself in the local library…since they would never allow him in the state.

Their roles, Alphonse thinks have been reversed; Ed was the one that needed a cure, getting his body back would be meaningless without brother beside him. If there were any more clues on the philosopher's stone, he gladly misses them for a hint of how to calm his brother. He knew the red waters did something, why couldn't he stop them! He was right there, even though the homunculi took him hostage, but still, damn it! He should've done something…huh, he thought bitterly, it was like Scar all over again, his brother, willing to do anything for him, but he was as useless as the colonel was on a rainy day when it came to his brother.

Although he was never expecting a sight like this when he went back, the 2nd Lieutenant was hugging his brother…and it calmed him down. He was…he was acting like a kid, wait a kid…it makes sense although he was the one trapped in a suit of armor, his brother was the one that had to constantly endure more and more pain. His brother was asleep and the lieutenant just putted a finger over her lips to tall him not to make too much noises.

The days went by a lot easier, as Maria declared her discovery, Alphonse also revealed his theory, that his brother needed a teddy bear, someone to lean on. Brother was always there for him, he himself though had few people he could depend on. It was simple for the two women, Ross and Hawkeye to understand this, but for the men, they get it…but they couldn't get how it could trigger such violent reactions, except for Mustang who was there when the golden child had no one to turn to.

Maria and Hawkeye took turns being with him, most of the time Edward just slept, when he was awake, he ate very little. Until Maria unleashed her secret family recipe, it was a desert, there was yogurt or ice cream with various fruits, a few walnuts milk mixed with honey, somewhat like an ice cream fruit salad. When the small boy ate it, his eyes would light up, sometimes…he would act like a complete child even though he was almost a teenager. Mustang even called him a shrimp without being rant at, just a pout then he stick his tongue out and an angry blush at the indication of how small he was which led to a ruffle of his hair by the said man.

Two weeks later, Ed got better although Al asked for the recipe form Ross since he noticed it kept his brother in a better mood…and he knew his brother needed that sometimes. And Ed, well he was embarrassed about the whole thing but he had to say something to the woman who given him warmth he haven't felt in a long time.

"Thanks…uhhh…second lieutenant….."

_Extra: The very, very angry letter_

_Dear Alchemicchemraleech(What a weird pen name…)_

_Anyways I thought it was a good thing that you invited me to be on 101 Milk Ways, yet you milked…you milked. Just because I DRAW MYSELF AS A COW DOES NOT MEANS THAT I AM ONE; I LIVED ON A DAIRY FARM FOR PETE'S SAKE. AND HAVING THIRTY SOMETHING CHACTERS CHASE AFTER ME FOR FOUR DAYS! Although I congratulate you on how you killed Cornello again, but did you have to add both Armstrongs? Alex is fine…but the ice queen? Although I thought you liked the FMA series? Why could you make me make seven hundred changes to it? Well I know I'm not going to understand you anytime soon, but THAT SPECIAL APPEARANCE WAS OFFICIALLY THE WORSE ONE I EVER HAD!_

_From the one you deem the crazy cow._

_Ps. Invite me again any time you want, just let me torture Ed instead of the other way around._

_Pss. Why can't I sue you for the damage…why do you have to put a disclaimer on every page__ I want to sue you for physical endangerment….but you make it my fault again…._

_Psss. Just to remind you, I am not a cow, next time you write me, put me as a person!_

Author's note: MewPhong you are right again, it is Ross, as you notice this is after the red water incident in the anime, personally I would think the red water would mess with Ed's mind a bit. This is slightly depressing since the red waters basically triggered some thing in Edward, the weakest part of him, the part that want to depend on someone, thus he's acting like a kid. & I added the angry letter from Arakawa Sama. So Review.

Clue: Another minor character? 


	32. Revengeish

**Disclaimer: You know that I don't own it**

Everyone in the military knew Hakuro despised Mustang for his fast rise, but they didn't know how irritated he was by the brat under him. From the few times the general has talked to him, the full metal alchemist was loud, crude and rude….thus the many attempts to annoy him begins. Since he was a general he got the file of one Edward Eric easily….and he heard his rants before…so it begins.

Edward was going into the bastard's office again; to get another useless mission…although when he got there the usual rants and teasing followed….followed by the silliest mission ever! He was supposed to dress up as a milk bottle…to get kids to drink milk! Was Mustang messing with him? Apparently not… by his shocked expression.

He though it was over…yes he dressed up as a milk bottle (forced…by Hawkeye) when a random officer told him that a general wanted to meet him in lab seven. He went…and a bucket of milk was dropped on him…really this is just childish. When he got there, general Hakuro was there….wait isn't he that guy that hates Mustang or something….great, Mustang's enemies are targeting him, as if he doesn't have enough to worry about, he pouted, chibified and crossed his arms.

Hakuro suppressed a grin, when the brat got close enough; he shouted "men, fire!" and Edward was successfully hosed down by a hundred military officers. He couldn't believe that the general would say that…he thought he was going to be executed or something, and soak him in milk…alright stay calm full metal, you don't want to get court martial, but he was an alchemist…so they'll never know….right?

Before the general and soldiers, a large blue light swallowed them….and the hundred or so people were trapped in an earth dome. And Ed just left unaware of the fuming general who hated Mustang all that more…and him now to. Apparently later Hakuro putted him on his DA (despised alchemist) list and was currently planning more ways to get back at him…although they were even sillier than what he'd done.

Ways to get the brat

Dye his hair pink

Force him in a dress

Take him to a bar and get him drunk

Make him dance the cha cha cha in front of the whole military

Steal his auto mail

Author's note: Yeah not so sure what to do with him…so this is a random? I only had he hated Mustang to work with sooo yeah. So review if you feel like it.

Clue: ) Someone who have relation to the most sane but strongest and cruelest Armstrong. 


	33. Sadistic

**Disclaimer: Can I buy a share or something?**

A delightful reviewer was checking up on one of her favorite stories 101 Milk Ways, after reading the depressing yet somehow funny chapter she submitted a review, "That was... Angsty... Good but angsty... It made me cry... XDD yay! I like being right! Ohh that was one angry letter from the cow... Hummm Yoki? Or maybe Pinako? Someone from the fma universe? Rose?" little did she know a very angry chibi with his brother was right outside her door.

Within a matter of seconds, Mew Phong's room's door was kicked down by the blond chibi in pouting mode, and the suit of armor had to sigh again. "STOP GIVING THAT CRAZY WOMAN A REASON TO WRITE MORE STORIES….YOU SCREWED UP…..CAT?" Mew Phong's eyes were agape and her braining ran though ninety seven ways to torture Edward chan. While Al went over to pet Mew Phong because based on her name, he deemed her as a cat, like Ling's older bodyguard….who also looks like a cat.

But before either Eric brothers could anticipate it, Mew Phong pressed a red button and her room with the nice normal, desk, computer, homework, random stuff and Ed and Al stuffed pillows was turned into a mechanical science room with a variety of torture weapons. "Ha-ha, you can't use your alchemy chibi chan….and I've wanted to do this ever since this story came out!" Mew Phong went to…..mad scientist mode, she throw Al's head of out of her apartment...into some random place, ten floors down, and tied Edward on to an experiment table.

While Al chased his head….Ed was poked by Mew Phone with a variety of needles, some big, some small, some send electric shocks….and he was retrained arms and legs locked up. But the worst was yet to come, Mew Phong did a few mad scientist laughs then showed him where all the needles was connected to…..a fifty gallon milk tank, which was conveniently covered…somehow.

Ed tried to get out, but it was no use, although Al came back with his head on just to be taken apart by Mew Phong, she even locked his head up in her full metal alchemist super fan case which need DNA to unlock. So…Ed under the hopeless situation, fifty gallons of was forced into his blood stream, but that wasn't the end.

After Ed had his weekly dose of calcium, provided by this story though the many sane and not so sane ways of getting milk into the chibi. Mew Phong though her bio computing genius managed to locked Ed's mind into her computer. Our favorite blond cutie was a neopet or tamagachi…so Mew Phong fed him some virtual milk which resulted in.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT I BE A COMPUTER CHIP ON A COMPUTER!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL, EVEN DIGITAL PETS TAKE UP MORE SPACE THAN HIM!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL, HE WOULDN'T TAKE UP ANY SPACE ON A MEMORY STICK BECAUSE HE'S WORTH ONE OF TEM MILLION GIGBITES!"

And then she finally was worn out, so she took the mindless but alive chibi chan and cuddled him as she slept. Al…finally got his body back together half an hour later, he sneaked his brother's body back from the cling, crazy girl. Though a few trial and error, he putted the electrical thingys on his brother and got his brother's mind back.

When Mew Phong woke up….she was in a metal cage with seven inch thick bars fifty meters high and all the stuff in her room was gone….well it turn out they could use alchemy, oh well she had her fun, now how to get down from here…..

Author's note: I bet you're wondering what does Olivier Armstrong have to do with this reviewer…well to be frank she suggest (*coughs* bothered) me with it enough, so I hope that answers another review's question about the other Eric brothers, if you bother me enough I will do it…sooner or later. And to Mew Phong, in this chapter you're so sadistic because, wait I have a reason because Olivier's personality plus fan girl equals DEADLY COMBO for our chibi chan, so I hope you don't take offence. To the other reviewers, you're on my hit list too, or as I like to call it my H2IIS (Have to Include in Story) or (RA) Reviewer Appreciation list.

**Apocalypsefantasy**

**Theiving Alchemist**

**Sasu-Sama' Sarukiji-Sempai**

**ELOSSS Alchemist**

**DearDarkHeart**

**venus9814**

**Queen NekoChan**

**Storm Uchiha**

**Cristinia**

**Black-Masquerade – Killjoy**

**Kal-orne**

**Princess of Xing**

**merlyn1382**

**The Curse of Forever**

If you're not on it but want to be start reviewing :}If you reviewed but is not on the list or you want off the list, PM me (Although I hope not for the latter ^.^). Mew Phong I hope you understand why you're not on here. And consider this the first set of OCs, you can submit you're OCs or ideas, but there's no telling when they will appear…if I run out of plot bunnies. So Review.

Ed: CRAZY WOMAN! REVIEWS STOP REVIEWING!

Author dunks Ed's head into random cereal bowl with breakfast that showed up from nowhere.

Clue : ) A crazy but sane character in both series. 


	34. Rainbow

**Disclaimer: :{:{:{:{:{:[:[:[:[:[:(:(**

Edward Eric, after getting his brother's body back, proposing to Winry and traveled around the west had decided to visit his auto mail junkie as a surprise in Rush valley. He wasn't a romantic guy in any sense…but he thought that she would like the auto mail blueprints and a silver necklace with a solid opal amulet that he got for her in Creta. After all he haven't seen her bright eyes and that knowing smile in almost half a year….and his wrench prone sore spots on his head was demanding her attention….either that or he beat himself up.

It took a few days of train rides and hotel stays, but he got there, although the first person to greet him was not hiss intended, rather a flamboyant man who doesn't know the meaning of personal space…just like Armstrong. Although when he did see her, he was greeted with a smile and an almost kiss…because Garfield decided to stick something down his throat at the last moment. But it didn't stop there, the man plunged the thing up and down his throat as if he was a plumber fixing a build up pipe. He couldn't speak for a total of three minutes…before he kneed the over enthusiastic man.

When he looked at what was being plunged down his throat, it was a milk Popsicle, a huge milk Popsicle, no doubt a hundred percent milk…where did he get this? He huffed and puffed, Winry managed to calm him down, but the man's poor excuse"Win-win chan loves you, but she wants you to be bigger than a auto mail bolt Edward chan!" which embarrassed both of them….and got Garfield a heated glare from the full metal alchemist "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL AS A TOY BOLT, YOU OVER FLOWERY MAN!", and a screwdriver to the head by the mentioned "Win-win chan."

Anyways, the visit would've been sweet, seen as he was staying for at least two weeks, if it weren't for the over sassy man. When he given Winry her gifts, he complained….when well, to be frank…Ed didn't even know him. After that well, he screwed up the living arrangements, they were a couple for gate's sake why did he have to bunk with an Armstrong look alike. But that wasn't the end, somehow when he took a shower the next day; the water was milk, after several rants. The colorful man revealed that "he bathed in milk to get better skin, and it was better for Winry because of the unbearable heat in Rush valley." Which he didn't believe at all, resulting in his first full day in Rush valley in pouting chibi mode, but he heard that sweet laugh from Winry's lips.

But by the end of the week, Ed had enough…he wanted to throw the man out of his own house for gate's sake. Every sweet or romantic moment he had with Winry was ruined by Garfield sticking random dairy products in his mouth, cheese, milk, even cow shaped bacon….when all he wanted to do was feel Winry, her sweet smiles, her gentle hands, her round full lips on his….without that walking rainbow interrupting him. If he had his alchemy right now, he would seal him in their shared room, he's big…he'll survive.

After convincing Winry for the week after next, they went away with a note left to Garfied, they were going on their "pre marriage honey moon" or that's what Winry's calling it. To him it was "get away from the rainbow" but they were staying in central for a week, then going back to visit granny.

Little did they know, a very big man….was hiding behind a newspaper was following them.

Author's note: Crazy but sane, Garfiel, Winry's sensei in both series, anyways I hope you get the small innuendo with the ice treat, not meant to be overly graphic. But Garfiel is a very bright rainbow so yeah…you didn't think he would give up so easily did you? Anyways, there's a lot of EdWin in this chapter…which were ruined by the rainbow….now I'm thinking of skittles. So review.

Clue:) Someone who is essential to the whole series, although in one series you'll see this character but doesn't appear at all in another. 


	35. Motherland

**Disclaimer: ….same old message of you know that I don't have that much $$$ to buy the rights to it.**

To the people, he was the people's alchemist, to fellow alchemists he was full metal, to Al, and he was brother. They knew his faces, but that's all that…they, even Al really knows. Even if they are blood brothers, some things…just can't be explained.

People say that it wasn't his fault for the human transmutation, even Al believed that. They didn't get why he would "put the blame on himself," but the reality was much different or at least in his mind. Their mother was the only one who understood him, got him to do things that no one else can. Their father was there when he was young, but his studies were all he cared about, when Al came along, their father paid more attention to the new born than him. That's why Edward guessed when he was young; he resented his younger brother for a short while.

But…his mother was the constant in his life, soothing him when things got rough, and when their father left…all they had was each other. He wasn't like Al, Al was the sort of person that can get a robber to not rob him, or befriend a dictator…but him, and he was the trouble maker, the black sheep, getting into trouble, fighting boys older than him because they called him short.

Their mother though was always there, no matter what he did, she always embraced him and told him that it was okay. The things she done to make things drink milk, other than making stew was to a degree, ridicules. She used to tell him when he was three or four that if he didn't drink milk, he stay the height of a tree stump forever, tickled him and pour milk into his mouth when he was older. Even bribing Al with cookies to force bottles of milk down his throat since back then, he couldn't resist his little brother's puppy dog eyes and pout, the currency was for every bottle he gets five cookies, which Al shared with his brother.

And when she was gone, he was desperate, for closure, for warmth. He knew that his brother depended on him now; they were all each other had left. When they met teacher, he saw a chance to regain what he lost. He was young but not naïve, he knew equivalent exchange, their teacher given him warnings, but for his selfish reasons he never listened like the rebel he was, even when it was fact that no human transmutation was ever successful.

Then…that happened, despite the warnings, everything…it came like a tsunami taking away everything that he holds dear. If it weren't for the truth's deal, he lose Al too, his innocent naïve little brother who had only him left.

If it weren't for him, Al wouldn't lose his body.

If it weren't for him, their mother weren't become a homunculi.

If it weren't for him, Al wouldn't be in a suit of armor.

If it weren't for him, they wouldn't have to lose their mother all over again.

If it weren't for him, their hearts and bodies wouldn't be both broken…they would at least have their bodies even if their emotions flooded their senses.

"Brother, what are you think about?" Al worriedly questioned as he saw that faraway dream like gaze on his brother's face, golden eyes dimmed, and mouth in a frown.

"Nothing Al, nothing." Edward reassured.

But Al knew, he always did, he wasn't as naïve as his brother thought, that his brother would take on the world if he have to…just to preserve some sort of normalcy for him. Always allowing the burdens to pile on himself, instead of letting Al handling it with him. She was his mother too…

Author's note: YAY, soooo many people guessed ^.^ , but it's Trisha, she appears in FMA and is implied in FMA brotherhood, and you see her again in FMA as Sloth. So this is Edward's memories of his mother of various ways she forced milk into him. So Review.

These last few days I've been looking at the news a lot so…

DID YOU KNOW: America owns the world 14 trillion dollars, about twenty zeros behind the 14, I think. And they own well… rounded up about 1 trillion each to China and Japan. (Not thinking of paying back since USD is dropping so they own less :[ :{ :/) but here's my Q looking for a A, China is stable and all, but shouldn't they pay Japan sooner than the maturing date on the America debt bonds? ( You know, with the natural and nuclear disasters and all, or is the government that selfish?)

Clue: ) Someone who died but no one feels sorry for this character. 


	36. Holy

**Disclaimer: I wish…enough said.**

Edward Eric and his brother were just walking down the streets of central when they were confronted by someone they thought was died in both the FMA original series and have died already in this story. But due to the author and the current holiday she brought the idiot back and- "will you stop talking and get to the part where I beat him up!" Ed shouted to the forth wall. It couldn't be done right away seeing as how the village idiot wasn't bothering them…yet.

A pastor at the end of the road was handing out, you guessed it religious pamphlets, but instead of worship the lord or some other kinds of nonsense like that, it was THE HOLY COW. And he was splashing milk on random individuals who unfortunately had to walk pass him. It was Cornello.

"I thought you were dead, you religious begot!" Edward yelled at the injustice of the author.

"No, my child, I have seen the truth, and this should wash away your sins." The fake now real pastor said while pouring a large bucket of milk over Ed that appeared cutesy of the author.

"What are you talking about? How can you see the truth, you never done any real alchemy?"

"My child, our creator, the glorious cow have allowed me to see the truth, of my death, of the seven sins, of why you're a midget-" the village idiot stupidly said.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A RELIGIOUS BOOK COULD CRUSH HIM, YOU FAKE!" and a punch was delivered to Cornello's face. Al led Ed away before he could do any real damage.

But as luck would have it, Ed and Al saw him around central, in the military base where mustang almost fried him…although no one know how he got in. even during their battle with a homunculi who was just a baffled as how he was alive.

His preaching wasn't like other pastors…others worshiped a god, he worshiped a cow specifically the ones in dairy farms….which explained why the dairy farmers in the rural areas of central found their cows missing. They spray holy water, Cornello sprayed milk of any and all kinds even yogurt if desperate…which was why Mustang found himself covered in yogurt and found a pastor in front of him preaching about some cow?

Envy was confused, didn't sir eat- a- lot ate this guy, and why was he splashing milk on everyone. And what in cow's name oh great he sounded like the village idiot to even if he didn't believe in anything, just Dante. The idiot even busted into their base…and Gluttony didn't want to eat him again because "He taste bad, Lust, I want someone easier to chew" the sin even pouted.

Thus somehow Cornello was alive through the first week at least. But he was developing stalker traits to the one and only chibi chan…or in his words "the savior of cowland"…really original? So Ed found the man splashing milk at him where ever he went, like the milk man incident….even ruining a report that he was in the middle of handing in to Mustang. Although they couldn't kill him…yet, so they locked him up and the sentence was "for disturbing military and alchemist affairs" but the idiot somehow got out.

After the two month of religious terror, Ed drank three gallons of milk through the pastor unwillingly. The author decided that she had enough of the Cornello know to her as the village idiot, and killed him with a heart attack, like Death Note and all was peaceful again.

"You can't play god you insolent child!" the village idiot yelled.

"Uhhh….why not this is my story? And do you even know what insolent means?" the author replied.

"You don't question the higher power, and I'm that connection the higher power, I know the truth!" the ego idiot yelled again.

"Why not question? I mean if you don't question then you're just being brain washed…look at what you did at Reole and the only ones that know the truth in FMA series are Ed and Al…they actually met him." The author dryly stated.

"The cow's the way, not the white blob you silly child." The stupid one stated.

"The cow's you're creator and she isn't really a cow you moron. And the truth and gate are the gods of your world that she created." The author stated again.

But alas the author couldn't talk to the idiot anymore because the truth and gate were offended at being called a white blob so his soul was damned the hell known as the gate.

"Well you finally did some good!" Edward for once was happy about the story.

"Full metal, she killed the man three times, do you really want her to be happy?" Mustang cautiously stated.

"Hey I don't like him; I like you and Ed especially when he's in chibi mode." Goes to cuddle Ed who was in chibi mode when hearing this.

Author's note: No one that anyone feels sorry for when he died, Cornello! Well one of many people that no viewer feels sorry for, someone even mentioned Hitler. Yay so many people guessing ^.^! And as for why the village idiot showed up, well its Easter so…in relation to religion, he's our man. And the cow's Arakawa Sama if you haven't read that chapter. Although they should have an eleventh amendment in the bible, thou shou not conform others to thou's deals and interpretation of this book. Really…I've met some crazy religious people.

DID YOU KNOW: America wants to illegalize abortions based on you guessed it, religion or **Christianity** specifically. They complain so much about other countries' human rights but if this law passes through, women would lose their right in at least sixteen states. See the problem? _**Women are human beings too aren't they?**_

Clue: ) Something easy since SOO many people are guessing^.^ . A theme song from one of the series. And the _100 th_ reviewer get to pick the chapter after next, I'll PM you and you get to pick a word or sentence and I'll try to come up with something :] 


	37. Rain

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot bunnies nothing else…..the characters belong to the holy cow.**

He wasn't such a kid anymore, not the loud bash kid who outshined every other alchemist but had a temper that rivaled the seven sins themselves. Edward, the golden eyed blond boy… one of the famed alchemist Hohenhiem's sons, who abandoned him and his brother. The brothers who performed the ultimate taboo and survived somehow…even up now he never understood how.

Rokugatsu no uso me no mae no hontou  
Sepia ni shimaikomi  
Yorisou to kanukumori to ka  
Wakaranaku natteta.

Was it the gate's mercy, or their father's bloodline that saved them, Mustang wondered after learning about what the boys had done. When he and Hawkeye went that day, it was to find the famed yet undetectable Hohenhiem but what they found that day was a tragedy that should have never happened, a boy who lost all hope, and another stuck in a suit of armor.

"Kimi wa hitori de heiki dakara... Ne ? " to Oshitsukete sayonara  
Sono tagui no kiyasume nara  
Kikiakita hazu na no ni

The small golden eyed boy, with a missing arm and leg, dimmed eyes that saw no future. Seeing that, he just, just lost it, how could a child do that and survive, how could a child looked like death after facing itself…it wasn't right. He yelled at him, grabbed him by the collar, weather by impulse or gate forbid some greater force, he offered the boy a place in the military. He questioned his sanity and motives then, but the offer has already been given.

Nariyamanai;  
Youshanai omoidetachi wa  
Yurushitekuresou ni mo nai  
Me wo tojireba ikioi wa masu bakari de toomaki de, kimi ga warau

Two years later, he met the child again, this time with fire and determination in his eyes. Turning out to be few of the selected alchemists going into the military that year. The other colonels wanted him under their care but he knows they will only utilize him as if he was a weapon, a tool. It took weeks of petitioning, but Mustang had the "full metal alchemist" under his care, although the boy was different from the one that he remembered the years before.

Ame wa itsuka yamu no deshou ka ?  
Zuibun nagai aida tsumetai  
Ame wa doushite boku wo erabu no ?  
Nigeba no nai boku wo erabu no ? 

As time went by, he noticed many of the quirks that the brat had, such as calling him a bastard whenever the opportunity arrived. Short rants that go on forever and are always original, and how much the people's alchemist despised milk. Always keeping the colonel entertaining…but other times he didn't understand how trouble followed him so.

Yatto mitsuketa atarashii asa wa  
Tsukihi ga jama wo suru  
Mukau saki wa  
"Tsugi" ja nakute  
"Sugi" bakari oikaketa

The seven sins, homunculi, undead humans. How in the name of the truth did he got involved in such a scandal. They went after him…even though he had little to defend himself with and the will to lose everything if he could to get his brother back….when Alphonse showed up in his human form in his office, he expected the loud bash youth to follow, but he never came.

Nagusame karakikkake wo kureta kimi to urameshiku kowagari na boku  
Sorosoro ka na... Tesaguri tsukareta hou wo Kattou ga koboreochiru...

Another two years, he saw the child again, he had grown and matured, but his stay was never permanent…but this time his brother left with him, that's all he could do for them.

Kako wo shiritagaranai hitomi Arainagashite kureru yubi...  
Yasashii hohaba de iyasu kizuato Todokisou de todokanai kyori

Ame wa itsuka yamu no deshou ka ?  
Zuibun nagai aida tsumetai  
Ame wa doushite boku wo erabu no ? Tsutsumarete ii ka na

Ame wa yamu koto wo shirazu ni  
Kyou mo furitsuzuku keredo  
Sotto sashidashita kasa no naka de Nukumori ni yorisoi nagara

Author's note: The song and lyrics are from Rain, and this is cross over between the two versions of FMA, since this is set around before the FMA movie from Mustang's perspective. So review.

DID YOU KNOW: CNN complains about China too much, and is extremely bias about it. Since I've studied English media before, it promotes a very narrow view, with extreme media bias. Focusing on the tiny things in China when sooo many bigger things are going on in the US. If you're American, don't be offended, but since I'm Chinese and it took so much time criticizing my home county, I'm going to sum up the major global conflicts each county faces, if I list all the minor ones I could finish my one shots with it. America External Conflict: Iraq war, Afghanistan war, Libya, 14 trillion debt to other countries and federal reserve (whatever that is), trying to police the world, bring the US currency down, and nuclear radiation fear although it's half way across the world. Internal conflicts: religion taking over politics (last posting), birthers, education decline such as southern states teaching creationism, Arizona banning ethic studies, some city making chess a mandatory course, crazy people making online videos and misrepresenting Americans, two parties that don't have the will of the people at mind, only corporations, and a president who isn't doing too well, not based on race but by his actions….going on too many TV shows and have already started campaigning…two years before the next election. Now China external conflict: radiation fear from Japan. Internal conflicts: small matters that CNN is either misrepresenting or emphasizing on the negative aspects such as "not being able to practice religion" when there are also blogs in CNN complaining about how religion overtook politics, hypocrites. You may think this is bias because I'm Chinese but I've read and seen other American media, it really is the most unbelievable one. It's using the same argument that Maclean's "Too Asian" article used, blaming the people that are willing to work when the only thing the US is exporting is weapons, not saying that people aren't willing to work…but China have more man power and brain power. Which makes it sound ridiculous when someone says that we're coping of the US, the education system is also harder. And for the worker's right thing, blame the corporations, I know someone who owns a factory there and are taking care of their workers. And some views are unbelievable, some people actually want the two countries to go to war, one of the comment, "let's nuke them," the only way to kill so many people is by nuclear, do they want WWIII: Death of the Planet? And "let's show the chinks where they belong," wow, racism at its best, you can't beat them….degrade them? honestly, right now the American government is not a beacon of democracy, rather corruption…as showed. But to be frank to me…it feels like Germany after WWI, why, government overprinting currency, check. Blaming other people for the country's problems, CNN check. Every government have problems, but communism is not always the problem since even in a democracy they can arrest you, Canada G20, and either Arizona or Texas have given the policemen too much power over illegal or legal immigrants, if you been to China or see some of the shows, you see that media like CNN is corrupting the young minds from seeing other cultures….and the Chinese media only mentions the US when related to more wars or weapons nothing more…..ironic.

And just in case you think I'm making things up, I've watched Chinese, Canadian, American, Taiwanese news, and the first three from a variety of programs… that's why this segment started. ^.^ And sorry this segment is so long, but the truth is never in the media, you have to see a variety to find the truth…so with all the negativity from CNN about China, I am in a way rebottling it….with so many problems in your own home, can you lecture other people? 

.ca/2010/11/10/too-asian/

/man-invent-stair-climbing-wheelchair/ how's this for innovation?

Clue: )Bother Candycayne, he or she was the hundredth reviewer, which by the way please submit your word or sentence through a PM or review, next Friday's the deadline, and I hope that you got my PM.

Backup Clue: Someone who's death was just…too tragic. 


	38. Nurse

**Disclaimer: Once again, it belongs to the famed animator, who draws herself as an animated cow.**

Edward Eric was in the hospital again, why was Winry not surprised….and it wasn't even because of a battle. Since Edward lost alchemy, he turned to fixing random things in the house….more or less wood shop, except he was clueless to what to use to fix what with…this time he was on the roof…with a mechanical screwdriver…that drilled several holes into their roof…..and accidently falling of it because he though with his combat skills, jumping of a roof would be no problem. Gravity proved him wrong.

And now she was in the Resembol's local hospital, bringing Ed the home made lunch since to Edward the food at the hospital tastes like cardboard. When she was walking in, she heard him conversing with someone.

"Here, why don't you eat this instead? Do you want me to feed you?" that sounded like a girl!

"Nah, I can do it myself, why can't Winry be like this…" the first part was out loud, and the latter Ed muttered but was heard by both women.

"Honey, if I give it to you, how I know you'll eat it?" honey! How dare, that, that tramp calls her Ed that.

"Hey, lay off, I'm already in the hospital." Edward said with a pout to the nurse.

"Awww, you're so cute, just let me feed y-" the nurse didn't get to finish as Winry slammed open the door seeing another strange sight, like the auto mail incident. The young woman, who should be in her early twenties was wearing a skin tight nurse outfit, she had long blond here, grey eyes, and full lips….that looked like they were inserted. She was trying to feed a blushing Ed a meal not n the hospital menu, it was made by her it seemed.

"Excuse me, but I'm here to give Ed his lunch." She said with restraint.

"Ed, huh cute name…yeah, go ahead." And the bimbo left her and Ed alone.

The meal was eaten in relative silence….Ed tried to make conversation but was shot down each time by Winry. While Winry was plotting her revenge.

Through one of her contacts at the hospital, since her granny's automail shop and the local hospital worked together many times. She got a nurse's outfit which she modified, some bandages, and a glass of milk….and some strawberry tarts…..just waiting for her target to fall asleep.

Ed woke up in a very compromising position, he was tied by clothes to the bed, and now really whose great idea was this. Why was he tied up anyways…..he haven't tried to escape the hospital since the bastard threaten to make his crisp shrimp and his brother threatening not to talk to him ever again.

"You've been such a loud patient, Edward." Wait, he knows that voice.

"W-win-winry?" he guessed, and got the surprise of his eighteen years of his life. Winry was in a nurse's outfit, it was a normal nurse's outfit, even with the skirt slightly longer than the normal one…..even with the red cross had…..and she had that look in her eyes.

"Now to prevent you from getting yourself into more accidents, really, I hope you learn from this." And she kissed him….well it wasn't as if they haven't kissed before but still…he was at least in control….sort of….unlike this. He tasted her honey and lavender fragrance with milk gloss? Wait milk gloss? She was feeding him milk like this?

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A NEEDLE WOULD MISS HIS BY A MILK BECAUSE HE'S JUST THAT SMALL!"Edward pouted, but she just kissed him again, with the same results, euphoria…..than the taste of milk flooded his mouth.

"WHO ARE CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE BELONG IN THE LAY ROOM IN THE HOSPI-" he didn't get to finish as the process repeated itself, again and again…..until the whole glass of milk was gone.

She finally untied him, and brought out strawberry tarts from nowhere, they ate in silence…..although Ed was in his chibi blushing mode….while Winry was also blushing and glance at him every now and then.

When she was about to leave, she heard words she thought she would near hear.

"Hey, Win could you stay the night with me?...you don't have to change, that outfit…really fits you."

So Winry slept in Edward's embrace that night….and the bimbo was very angry and quitted her job upon seeing it…..but the truth was she was already fired for flirting with patients….instead of helping to cure them….even in the surgery room.

Author's note: This is candycayne's theme Sentence: When Winry catches Ed drooling at a hot nurse...things doesn't go so well. So yeah. And Review.

DID YOU KNOW: Bin Latin's caught? Of course you did, but….is the "war on terror" a witch hunt? Since although there are people who are crazy and murderers being killed, the majorities are innocent people, or people who lost everything and is turning to terror plots. I say this because in recently reading a book on witch hunts, Salem and all that. They also include the red/communism scare….which is reappearing in American society…..but its half way across the world, and the system is more in name than in action (see last post's complaints). The battle was fought for ten years, even if they pull out of Afghanistan… there's Libya, still three or four wars, Iraq, Iran, now Libya with the Mexican drug war on the side? And although there are good decent solders, there are ones that kill on whim or order….saw a Wiki leak clip of it on global 16:9, the guy treated the circumstance like a video game….it even looked like one to me from where I was watching, you know one of them shot them or die games. So I ask you readers, and neighbors to the north….is it a witch hunt? Since the military budget according to an article that I saw state the military budget is the highest since WWII, maybe 1-2 trillion dollars….and they spend 2.5 trillion (My guess is 5 trillion or more…but they're covering it up) on catching Osama, and they got Hussein years earlier. But they are not pulling out any time soon.

Clue: ) An easy one, a cutie who dies way too young because of a mad kin who killed his mate. 


	39. Doll

**Disclaimer: In a thousand years…maybe.**

During the Eric brothers stay at the Tucker mansion while Ed was preparing for the state alchemist exam…..a lot of misfortune happened. The brothers were welcome with open arms and unlimited access to a private alchemy library, but Mustang conveniently forgot to tell the brothers several things about Shou Tucker. So it begins.

Ed was wondering around the house while Al was busy playing with Nina. He happened upon a strange room, a room full of dolls, one that caught his eye was a doll with blue eyes and brunet hair, almost like an older version of Nina. He pulled the string behind the doll and it cried out "Save me, please!" but it was ignored due to Tucker finding him in his special collection, which Ed was then shooed out of the room.

Tucker was desperate; he needed something that'll allow him to pass the renewing of his state alchemist exam. Then an idea came to him, one that would be forever embedded in to Edward Eric's memory. A week later, Ed was called into the same room he was shooed out of, unknowingly to him, an alchemy circle activated, turning him into a doll…..or him in his chibi mode. Tucker tested out his latest creation, an inanimate object that can perform alchemy, which was really Ed doing all the work, but it worked. But because of his ego or carelessness, the doll was found by Nina two days later, since her father was washing the dog, little big brother was buying food, and big little brother was nowhere to be found.

When the little four year old found the golden eyed and haired doll with a pout on his lips. She was so happy, immediately treating him to her favorite game, playing "mommy." She got out the doll's milk bottle, filled it with milk and began to feed the little cutesy with it. While Al was looking for brother, which Mr. Tucker said was going out to do some "field" research, something isn't right. And Nina now was sharing her doll with Alexander who chewed off a chunk of Ed's later known trade mark jacket…..which led to Tucker believing the dog ate his creation because since Ed was so cute, he was put in a dresses from one of many Nina's other dolls.

A week passed, Tucker was still angry at the dog, Al was still looking for his brother, and Ed was still in a dressing, being cuddled every day and night and being force feed milk by…a four year old. During one of his playtimes with Nina, Al noticed the golden eyed doll which he knew was not sold in any stores. He asked Nina about it, she responded with, "I found it little big brother, do you want to play with it?" and he did, unfortunately he pulled the string at the back to the maximum, what came out was.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE'S A DOLL, HELP ME AL! DAMMIT I'VE BEEN STUCK LIKE THIS FOR OVER A WEEK!"

Yep, that was brother, with some minor convincing of Nina with promises of ice cream and cake, Al took the doll to central, however even upon meeting Mustang, he was still depressed. He was a suit of armor while his brother was…..a doll.

Mustang couldn't believe it, that doll was Ed come on, why are the brothers trying to pull such a prank now? Wait, wait, never mind that's Ed alright, only he would say bastard fifty times in a row, and they would sell such foul mouth toys in stores. So with the release of Tucker's first creation, a talking functional doll, thus the name the sewing life alchemist, making inanimate objects come to life…which now they knew how, but blackmail photos first, the kid when he becomes normal again will never be this quiet…or cute?

Nina was reassured by the nice police people that she had to stay in another room. While Mustang single handedly forced Tucker to perform an experimental alchemy circle to bring the two people, Nina's mother and Ed back to life. It worked….sort of Tucker was turned into a very ugly dog human hybrid doll, which when Nina walked in, threw the ugly doll into the trash and reunited with her mother. The Tucker doll was send for military experiments, but alas, it was a doll so nothing much could be done, so to the dumps Tucker went, for his overextended life.

Ed was slightly annoyed with Nina at first, but when the little girl attempted to feed him ice cream all was forgiven. Little did he know that this incident will affect what happens seven years later.

Ed and Al with their bodies was all of a sudden, pulled back into their world. However what they saw would leave Ed in chibi mode. When they visited Winry, they saw that their old room have became a shrine of sorts with dolls, The Short Runt /Rant, The Other Full metal, The Eric brothers, Hello Eddy (like the hello kitty), and even the special People's Alchemist collection, all featuring chibi Ed and a few armor Al, for the hello eddy collection which was Ed in various costumes, there was even a kitty one which Al adored upon seeing it. They had to stay in the room for a week, which Al thought was cute, but Ed thought it was creepy with mini hims all around him. They even found out that the dolls were in their teacher grave, keeping her forever company.

When they got to central and Ed busted the bastard's door down, the explanation was to decrease the people's taxes, and build support for the military. There were two collections, the military collection, which featured the best military personals, and the alchemists' collection. Mustang had a special Mother Hawk on his desk which was Hawkeye cuddling Black Hyate, and Hawkeye had the workaholic Mustang, also special edition. They found out the most popular were other than the Eric brothers were, Mustang, adult version which was a lighter doll, the hawk which was a Hawkeye down with a build in spy camera, ice queen, Olivier as a timer which will shock someone with her sword upon the setting. Everyone else…..wasn't so popular, other than Grumman, the lecture doll.

So in the end, Ed and Al had became ambassadors and saw the truth child in their dream every single night….or whenever he wants too, since even he had a collection too. And the truth child's collections are really mini versions of Ed and Al.

Author's note: Yep, you're right, it's Nina, now this is from how you interpret sewing life since to me it also sounds like doll maker. Now as for how they got back to the other side of the gate, since even the truth has a collection, he would want to attach a part of the Eric brother's soul, spirit and personality. The other side has no alchemy so the truth brought them back, so the exchange is a part of themselves, to keep the truth entertained, so in part they are attached to the truth. So review.

DID YOU KNOW: That the education system is failing in the US and the media's finally reporting it? Now in the comments, I've seen a lot of it blaming the teachers, students and parents. But to put it into perspective, that's not the case. There are GOOD teachers, there are EAGER students and there are WILLING parents. The problem, the way that I see it is with the things that are taught, for example, in Arizona at the beginning of the year they banned Ethics studies, you can look this up, and banning ethic studies means that students don't learn about WWI and WWII, "those who don't learn history are doomed to repeat it." And don't learn about other cultures. That and that religion and school from what I've heard are closely linked in the southern states. It isn't the quantity as some of the comments say that because "everyone gets an education in America" since the same thing is in Canada, where I am and we scored higher…I think, but the quality, since education in every government system cost money. But the stuff being taught can be educational and useful or meaningless; being tested a lot like in China isn't always a bad thing since only being tested will you find out where you are at the scale. AND SOMETHINGS NEED TO BE MEMORIZED, LIKE IN MATH AND SCIENCE….so even if there is more memorization doesn't mean that there isn't creativity. Now why do some people find the world "simple" offensive? There's outrange over what Wang Qishan said…I mean simple can be a good thing, having a simple life, wanting simple things. But being simple minded, or seeing even the most complex of situations black and white poses a problem. I've seen arguments that the US is made out of complex cultures, but the problem is the "melting pot" of the American aspect. To be frank, simple isn't even an offensive word, you hear worse thing in most rap music. And the history aspects in connection to this, having history means that you can learn from the past, rather than keep on making mistakes, yet some people see China's history as a bad thing? The US history wise is very young, and comparing to other countries, it's a baby. Not having history should be a chance to study other people's history, European, African, Asian, yet some people get offended at this….. I don't know what to say. =_=

Clue: )Where would Ed be taken for his birthday? 


	40. Legal

**Disclaimer: Never will own it, even if the world ends.**

Edward Eric, never in a million years thought it would come to this…..but then again this is Mustang we're talking about. It was his eighteenth birthday, which he completely forgot due to monitoring Al, you know since he got together with the bean spout. So on that on so joyful day, note the sarcasm, he was called to central, even though he wasn't a state alchemist, and people blinded him with cameras while making him deaf and cranky with their modification of the happy birthday song, into.

_Be happy you're a Shorty!_

_Be happy you're a Shorty,_

_Be happy that you only come up to people's knees!_

_And we can treat you as the baby of the military!_

Which ended with some minor mishaps….even without alchemy, he was still dangerous. Anyhow, the present opening was eventful to say the least, although only people who he knew in the military was there, the party looked like it was funded by the state with huge banners, a huge cake, huge buffet table…..was it designed to make him feel small? Back to the eventful present opening.

Winry given him a wrench….to hit himself on the head with?

Al given him some old Xing philosophy book, it can fix the table with uneven legs?

Mustang given him…..a box of condoms, what a surprise? And it caused Winry to hit him on the head! The bastard.

Hawkeye given him lesson in self defense, well a year worth of classes with a martial artist, so far the most reasonable one.

Mustang's crew excluding Hawkeye and Havoc given him a bunch of gift card to various stories in central, well Winry can have her shopping spree then.

Havoc given him a book titled "How to Woo the Finer Specimen" which cause Winry to throw another wrench at him….why do they keep on giving him these thing?

The bean sprout girl given him….. a lot of calcium pills….and a picture of what he's suppose to look like, he though she was over that fantasy, no wait there's a note "You'll never be as tall or handsome as Alphonse sama!" which landed a thump to the head by Ed to Al.

Olivier given him…a threat of pain should he decide to invade Briggs again, and a pistol with over three hundred ammo included in the set, really, really dangerous gift from Mustang's perspective.

The other Armstrong, Alex decided to give the older Eric the gift of "the secrets of the Armstrong that been passed from generation to generation to guaranteed a mate" which was an over graphic book about the pleasures of such acts…..which traumatized everyone in the room. And got Alex kicked out by his eldest sister, and a wrench to his head.

Sheska given him a book on….how to read books…..did he really need that?

Ross and Brosh given him another two books of advice on women, why so many?

Grumman got him by far the most useful gift, a tool set with instruction manuals….and a book on why auto mail attracts women, really?

Now that that was all over with, Mustang took him for a man to man chat since by then the party was pretty much over. Now to get back to the current problem here, He was in a stripper bar which Mustang took him to! Why in the name if the truth, gate, and even the freaking seven sins would the bastard take him here?

Ed thought it was bad now….then some half naked girl came up to him and started to dance on him…..while calling him cute, and small. While Mustang with his all knowing smirk, five minutes later…..he was being hosed down by the strippers on the stage when their war cry of "let's get him girls!" and he was soaked to the bone with milk because a huge bucket twice his size was sneaked up upon him while he was being harassed, and the content, milk was poured on him.

Yep…that summed up his eighteenth birthday, after he got a change of clothes. Mustang slides him a shot of whisky saying the most reasonable thing he heard all day.

"You've grown up full meal, even when you've seen more in your eighteen years than some people their whole life. You've turned out to be a fine man….."

And he had to ruin it.

"…..whose height and short temper is balanced by a wrench to the head."

Author's note: This is Ed's eighteenth birthday, and well would you expect anything less of Mustang, so yeah, he hired people at the bar to drown Ed in milk, which turned out pretty well, sort of. So review.

DID YOU KNOW: The world's going to end according to some crazy religious old guy tomorrow at 6 pm? Which will not happening seeing as how the guy makes a prediction every five years or so. The US has also reached their debt limit! 14 trillion and then some…..how are they going to support the middle east's reform to democracy when they're not even spending their own money, which I think the debt ceiling will be raised again, it been raised 70 something times in the last ten years or so, if other countries and the federal reserve doesn't let them borrow money, what will they do? Why is education been condemned in the US? There are articles criticizing the public school system yet also condemning a higher education, that's a main reason of why jobs are been shipped overseas. I've seen some of the campaign ads for another MP or something at the white house….which is blaming jobs being shipped overseas to China….again with blaming others. When the education system between the east and west is very different, the east have a clear focus on education which focuses on studying and knowing every aspect of a formula, graph and the likes before applying it to various aspects, while the west values creativity and innovation over knowing the basic structures…..which doesn't really work out in a way since in order to build a car or house or whatever, knowing the inner structure i.e. the basics or being educated first like knowing  before . Having creativity and innovation doesn't count for much if you can't create what you thought of. And a higher education is encouraged instead of frown down upon as seen by CNN's attitude anyways. And why is the US home land security blaming the Canadian borders now? The amount of paranoia and terror over a non existing threat is sadly in a way amusing. The government thinks so much of themselves yet the people benefits so little, apparently now blaming the Canadian borders for terrorist attacks…which have to go through both borders before attempting their attack.

Clue: ) There is none seeing as how the world might end tomorrow, this is me going dramatic, but this week, no idea for now

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	41. Moocher

**Disclaimer: I wish.**

Now that all the horrific events with father was over, Ed thought that he could finally took a break…but his break in both Central and his old home town was disturbed by a squinted eyed person who was younger yet taller than him, you guess it, Ling. Why the prince, now king was there he didn't know, all he knew was that Ling kept on mooching of him, buying excessive amount of food, under his name.

How had he done it, well stealing his watch and taking out about two thousand cenz to feed his two persons army, him and Ran Fan. Ordering room service, stalking him at whatever restaurant he was eating and ordering too much…..and taking the last piece of apple pie that Winry bakes., which putted the blond in a very bad mood, so the many shouting matches began.

"Buy your own damn food! You're the king of Xing!"

"But Edo chan, you're the host, why would I need to feed myself?"

"I never invited you to overstay in Resambool you stalked me here!"

"Stalking's such a harsh word Ed, I just wanted to see where my bestest littlest buddy lived!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A GRAIN OF RICE IS TALLER THAN HIM! AND WHEN DID WE BECOME BUDDIES?"

And it continued as the now human Al watched on….although even he didn't know why Ling came back after becoming king, he didn't even see May with them…well he said that it was for his and Ran Fan's pre marriage honey mood….whatever that means, but he stayed for almost three month now, to be honest even he was getting tired of Ling mooching of Ed, and he wasn't even the one being mooched of off.

But one day Al got asked some very strange questions by Ling, what was his brother's favorite food, he said eggplants. What was his brother's favorite drink, milk. Well he know that his brother hates those things but since Ling's asking what his brother liked, something's up…and it can't be good, so he said what his brother most despised.

Two weeks later, Ed didn't wake up to an alarm bell ringing, or even a rooster's shriek but mooing. A lot of mooing from outside their little house, what he saw, he didn't like eight milk factories with hundreds of cows surrounded their house.

"LING, WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"Edo chan, in order to repay you for your hospitality, I got you your favorite drink, milk! Sorry I couldn't get the eggplants, but the farmers would have to move across the desert.

"Wait, wait- what?"

"Al told me that you're favorite drink is milk, so I got you eight milk factories, here they're all under your name, here are the property papers."

"ALPHONSE ERIC!"

After Al explained everything to his brother, he was in ultra chibi mode, although Winry was happy talking about milk baths, milk masks and varies beauty care methods all involving milk. Pinako was frowning, who though that Xing boy could be so much trouble, and now they own eight milk factories, is the boy trying to put their auto mail business out of shop?

So it began, milk bathes, milk in bacon, cheese, apples, oranges, and varies other things. The little Eric/ Rockbell family's live was entwined with milk and Ed didn't like it one bit. He didn't like it but with Al's puppy dog eyes and increased strength, Winry's wrenches and her teasing smile and the old hag's nagging, he had to live in milk. For a whole month, every part of their diet was involved with milk, Ed in that time was in ultra chibi mode.

Although finally Al had enough, he had to bargain with the Xing king to get him to take back the milk factories. Things quieting down again and they left for another three years before coming back…..which Ed complains about the king's mooching habits.

This time, Ed didn't get cows; he got eight bulls which chased him around like cars chasing a mouse….all because of his red trademark coat.

Note to self, never complain about Ling's mooching… too dangerous, Ed reminded himself after it was over.

Author's note: You know how Ling always mooches of Ed, so this is how he would pay him back, since Xing's based on China, he kept on getting Ed eight of everything since eight sounds like gain in Chinese which can be gaining wealth, power, position etc. So Review!

DID YOU KNOW: That the US putted biochemical weapons in a South Korea military based, they disguised it as pesticide. Biochemical weapon could cause cancer, mutation or death and is said to have leaked into their water system. The saying really is true "with friends like this, who needs enemies," since they were thought to be allies, but it's the same thing they done at Vietnam. The US military have took that to another level, and if you want to look up on it, check an Asian news sources, South Korea's probably the best. And the BRICS want a say in IMF, abut time since well IMF is suppose to be international, but is run by Euro/ American bankers. And those countries haven't manage as well as any other country, so about time.

To Ninjafoodlover, I don't like the US's politic, media and military; I have no problem with the people, unless they are ignorant. The politics is like a soap opera, look at Trump and Palin…the media tells more lies, are more opinionated than objective, at least the major ones like CNN, and the military, starting too many wars and what they recently done. The DID YOU KNOW section wasn't created to bash the US, but rather a small news segment of what's happening in the world, it's mainly about the US though because…..well I live in Canada, next door neighbors, yay? And from all the news that I seen, the US currently is always dashing ahead for the hypocritical award, unless those changes, it's not going to be about other countries any time soon.

To An Unknown girl from Johto, why do I need criticism, you're the first one to criticize? This is Ed, one of his trademark is his short rants, there is never too many…there's even a story named 500 of Ed's short rants. How does my writing suck when I have at least 1500 hits every month, and a lot of people don't have betas. **"And third, you're a psychotic BITCH!"** WHAT, HUH? WHAT DOES MY PERSON HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING, AND WHY INSULT ME AT ALL? And the flaws you see are unrecognized by 15, 234 readers, and if you don't like the story read something else please, you say that you don't hate it after a very negative and unnecessary rant.

Clue: ) A very small and wormy character. 


	42. Knowledge

**Disclaimer: I will never own it, ever, period.**

Sheska was making her rounds in the central library when she spotted a very depressed suit of armor, how could she tell? He was sighing ever two seconds. At first she didn't know what to do, how do you comfort a suit of armor? But she tried anyways, since she owned the Eric brothers too much. They talked about randomness, cats, books, cats, the new Liberian, cats, the new books that are in, cats and more information for their research, more cats, and social events and more cats.

It took two hour of the conversation for Al to glorify anything other than kittens and fur balls, and he finally broke down. "Brother will stay short forever!"Which Sheska honestly didn't know what to say, but after a bit of prying, it turned out that Al read an extremely long scientific book on calcium deficiency titled "Never Grown an Inch." And from that moment on, she decided to help the boy on his cause no matter what...even if the claim was slightly outrageous, but Al was only fourteen.

Since Ed finally had a day of he stayed in the military dorms….he didn't want to but because of his minor injuries, Al decided he wasn't fit to leave. The suit of armor even took his state alchemy watch and left him in the dorm with a huge bowl of stew that could be readily heated, after two hours he sneezed. He knew it; the bastard was plotting against him!

The plan was set, during the next visit of Ed to Mustang's office, with Al of course. The blond alchemist was kidnapped by Sheska, who didn't waste a moment; he didn't even get to start on his short rant. He was pulled into the meeting room in Mustang's official office (not only his cubical), and was tied down to a chair. While Sheska began a huge lecture about calcium deficiency, broccoli and milk, yuck! Mustang and his crew were just plain curious of why Ed was dragged away, they listened into the lecture….and sweat dropped at Sheska's professionism when speaking about "calcium hydroxide" and "magnesium hydroxide."

The lecture went on for five hours, which ended with Ed having over fifty books about calcium, broccoli and milk to read. Yeah right he would read books on something he hates, and he's got more important research to do! But neither Al nor Mustang would have it, for every five alchemy he read, he had to read one of those books, why? And now, his meals consist of, pork, broccoli, beef broccoli, snow peas, broccoli, eggs, broccoli, fries and more broccolis! Why are they trying to turn him into a broccoli! Oh wait, he hate milk, and broccoli is the vegetable with the most calcium, but did his brother and the bastard have to take it this far!

After two weeks of the broccoli diet, Edward Eric, the Full metal alchemist aka the people's alchemist aka shrimp, midget, and chibi drank milk willingly. He had to otherwise he thought he turn into a broccoli and wouldn't be able to do anything. And that was the day that Sheska nearly died from a bone crushing hug from Al who was as happy as he was when he was taking in a stray kitten.

"Knowledge is power," true in another sense, "Knowledge, the only power that can make Ed drink milk, willingly….sort of." From that day on Ed learned to never judge a book by its cover all over again, Sheska can do more things, she isn't just a bookworm but a driving force of knowledge which forced him to fold.

Author's note: A small wormy person, Sheska, a small character and a bookworm! If you seen the women's calcium commercials, you see broccoli, so in this case overdose on the green stuff by Ed…thus forced to drink another source of calcium, noticed her Hughes moment. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: Canada is pulling out of Afghanistan! The Austrians, British and other European countries have plans to pull out. Unfortunately the US may stay longer due to other countries' pullout, which is an excuse to stay longer. Cell phones may cause cancer…..I think we all knew that about ten years ago, so to all you cell phone users, used the earphones(not the Bluetooth ones) when using your cell phones, or email or write letters? But now a day's anything can cause cancer, we live in not only a commercial, corporate world but a plastic world, the food that we eat all have chemicals of one sort or another, on the same note. BEWARE OF FOOD FROM TAIWEN! THERE'S EXECESSIVE USE OF THE CHEMICALS! Why does CNN's still talking about Tiananmen? It was a mistake and people recognize it, but there are greater problems going on right now within the US and it was thirty-forty years ago. I don't think the same news station care about Inner Mongolia since they never bother to study the history before posting the ethnicity story. Fact: There are 56 tribes in China, people of all ethical background…have a counter part in China and Fact: China have been taken over by at least two of these ethnicities, Mongolia was one of them. In a sense it's a collage and a melting pot at the same time, the collage is the different cultures and history within the culture and history, the melting pot aspect…well most of us look the same, black hair, brown eyes. But there are European looking, Middle East looking even African looking people who are Chinese not because their parents married into the country.

To Ninjafoodlover, I wouldn't say the US and Canada are too similar, to began with, at least here we own less debt, so probably a good move to go north. And the collage vs. melting pot aspect is visible but I can't really compare, you won't find open discrimination here. But I've never been there, only seen the media, from a student perspective, the education's better and cheaper. I'm not sure if education really cost over 100 grand, or is that for Harvard or Yale? We're more accepting, that's all I can really say and economic wise although I'm only a high school…well soon to be university student who been studying this for less than a year but we're not falling as fast as the US? Yeah…I can't really compare I don't want to go through the perverts at the US airport securities, or meet with paranoid US border guards, but from several people that I know, two of them somewhat personally they adapted really well and if you don't like it here, you can drive back home. ^.^

To An Unknown girl from Johto, "You're a freaking IDIOT YOURSELF! Ahahaha!" AGAIN, REALLY? First of all, this is FMA, the bible was questioned by episode one, this isn't the renaissance! You're pro life or…. pro choice, you don't make it clear, you say abortion's a good thing, then say that women will lose right to kill their babies. I'm personally a pro life, but there are circumstances that force the woman to give up their child, but there are people who enjoy the night life and the likes…..who I think should get their reproductive organs tied. And America as of now does not have the most rights, do you watch the news? Do you know what's going on in your country? Things will get worse before they get better; there are many aspects that could be improved, such as education. If they have so many rights, why can police in Arizona detain anyone they suspect as an illegal immigrant?

Clue: )Another midget in the series! 


	43. Alkahestry

**Disclaimer: Well all I can say is I own a computer?**

Edward Eric been through a lot in his life, human transmutation, dealing with a bastard boss, fighting undead humans, fighting clone like fake people, trying to stay alive through Winry's wrench attack, dealing with their bastard father barging into their life, save a whole country, and the author can go on for two whole pages of his accomplishments but chooses not to….seen as there is another story to be told.

Having dealt with those things though did not prepare Ed for this, his brother's girlfriend…..that's right; the bean sprout girl was the cause of his misery for the last two month. Why? Well, it all started…well Ed didn't know when and what that girl keeps on doing except it working and there is too much cow juice in his system.

May Chang was pouting again, Alphonse sama was complaining about his brother again. As much as she enjoyed his company, Al really was like a mother hen when it came to that little midget who didn't live up to her expectations, humph! They went out for two dates after she came back again since Xing was boring with Ling ruling…..and besides he married Ran Fang and only her so no more real life court dramas for her to watch. And although Alphonse was so nice and sweet and cute and a gentleman, his brother's stubbornness became both of their problems…..so better deal with her future brother in law now, so that he'll know not to mess with her in the future, same goes for Alphonse sama! The little panda made the same resolution….even though she couldn't do anything.

Ed was just relaxing after doing some fixing up around the house, with a cool glass of orange juice, a few apples he was preparing to relax…when the Xing girl attacked him with needles. It was connect to an alchemy circle, and all of a sudden he froze, his body was frozen to the core. While the bean sprout was muttering about Al and a mother hen while pouring the vilest substance in his mouth, milk.

It didn't stop there, every day after that incident Ed would get frozen five times a day, well he get unfrozen after half an hour. But the mini evil Xing girl (Yes, he still remember the shower incident with Ran Fang, that's why there's a mini) always pour a glass of milk, broccoli juice, or even some weird calcium mixture into his mouth. Although he normal wouldn't attack girls, she knows martial arts…and it never works, she always finds a way to poke-freeze him.

Al was wondering what was going on…why was his brother statue like at random times, why was May constantly happy, and why was Winry trying to pour soy milk down Ed's mouth now? Women, he'll never understand them, from what he seen especially with the PMS incident, keep them happy, you'll never know what they have up their sleeves, especially a woman like Olivier. Oh well, not his problem, look like brother got the blunt of it, good for him?

Ed, through two weeks of prolonged torture finally got contact from Ling who send him several books on Alkahestry…..which took a month to arrive; you know the desert and all that. It took another two weeks for him to properly study them…..but alas since he didn't have alchemy anymore, he did the next best thing.

"Alphonse sama!" The cry that was heard though out Resembool, Al sleepily woke to a screech of his name, and saw May dangling in front of his window tied with rope, restricting her actions…..and she was in a chibi mode of sorts. When he went down stairs, for the first time in two month, his brother had that grin…oh boy….

What was Ed going to do to his wife if his romantic interest is tied up…over protective brother who needs to drink more milk! Humph!

Author's note: The Xing alchemy that May used was something like the shadow jutsu in Naruto. Since this is based on Chinese martial arts, if you press the right chi spots a person can freeze. And I'm not joking, although it sounds mythological, if you heard of Shao Lin Si not the cartoon from a few years back, there are martial arts that can do too much damage, and there is some truth to it such as in Chinese medicine which a part of it is just massaging chi points. I can list one right now, the point between your thumb and finger if you use pressure enough to cause discomfort but not pain can prevent colds. And there are tons of chi points on your hands and feet, if you know which ones to press or rub to create heat to warm up your blood. Save money on hospital bills! ^.^ So review!

DID YOU KNOW: That the numbers of natural disasters are increasing each year, well…I doubt anyone is surprised, who have a hole in our ozone layer…we're the only species that's wiping out other species. Why's Canada spending so much in Libya now, 26 million and growing? Are they going to pull out of Afghanistan and going full force into Libya…really? As an educated society, I would think we would condemn war, not embrace it, WAR IS AN EMPT INVESTMENT, where the young dies, old cries and riddled with government lies. Not to offend any Americans, but following that government's spending budget there and North America will be destroyed finically and willingly. Why is CNN so paranoid about China, it keeps on publishing various articles about China becoming a global super power….which although have some truth, but it's not what the government's aim. Overall, the government even wants the GDP to slow down this year, focus on education and other topics. Although it's even through a western view….which focuses only on military power, which is bleeding the US dry and causing real bleeding in other countries. If you're an American can you explain it to me? There's never such…..paranoia in CBC or Global, this…fear mongering and bias views is creating haters, just look at the comments on such articles, why target one of the most major immigrant groups, isn't that a bad idea? +.+ =.= :? :/ 

Clue : ) The summer's here, what would Al make Ed do? 


	44. Fried

**Disclaimer: I wish….**

The summer was here, the sun was shining, the birds chirping and one blond chibi was being dragged onto a bus by a suit of armor. Why? Well it started two weeks ago, Grumman was petitioning King Bradley for years, a "military long weekend" to re-strenghten the military family during the summer and it came though somehow. So when the brothers visited the Mustang unit three days ago, they were invited to a long weekend to a beach house. Ed, naturally said no, but Al with his puppy dog eyes, even in a suit of armor convinced his brother…..sort of thus the dragging of the chibi chan right now.

The bus ride was three hours long, during that time, Ed and Mustang insulted each other fifty times, Ed won twenty times of poker with Havoc. Lost a bet to Breda….and almost got shot by Hawkeye…..note to self, never go though Hawkeye's stuff, even if she ask you to find the map in her purse.

They were there, the Mustang unit and the Eric brothers, however Ed wouldn't strip to his swim trunks…..since his auto mail would over heat…but then Al pulled out a really long white sock and a long white glove from their suit case…..which leaves Ed with little argument…..little brothers, they think of everything…..to torture you.

So, Mustang was barbequing, Hawkeye was reading, Fuery was fiddling with some new device, Havoc was trying to pick up girls…..and the rest were relaxing or watching the conflict between the brothers.

"Brother, drink this right now!"

"Where did that come from? You're not putting one drop of it in me, Al!"

The argument ended there, Al pried pen his brother's mouth and pour the milk down….he then proceed to make Ed into a sunscreen advertisement….with the amount that he was putting on his brother…..Edward Eric….looked like a little fluffy cloud that dropped down to earth.

It was finally over, the people's alchemist finally relaxed, and proceeded to dream land on the long sun bathing chair. When he was in dreamland, Al makes sure of this….when his brother was in deep sleep, not even a blow horn could wake him….which was what he did. The rest of the Mustang crew looked on, as Al was alchemizing mirrors from the sand, and placing them all around his brother.

With that finished, Al finally relaxed and went to play with the turtles…..why couldn't there be sea cats? There are sea horses. But forgetting that the sunscreen will only work for three hours at a time, no matter how much he applied.

Ed woke up to the smell of well done pork, beef and various vegetables, although he was blinded when he opened his eyes…..all the mirrors that Al putted. When he finally woke up, he sleeply went over to get some free grub.

"Mustang, finally done…..that was slow, you think with your fire alchemy you fry this faster."

"At least I'm not a fried shrimp." Mustang snickered at the condition Ed was in.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A SHIRMP COULD ADOPT HIM AS THEIR SON! NOW GIVE IT TO ME-OW!" Ed shrieked as his attempted to grab the kabob failed, he got it…..but his hand burned when he touched it.

"Brother….did you just meowed?" Al just returned from turtle time.

When Ed turned to his brother to answer, another shriek was heard.

"BROTHER WHAT HAPPENED! DID COLONEL MUSTANG REALLY ATTEMPT TO FRY YOU! I'M GOING TO GET HIM NOW!" an angry suit of armor was a very bad day for Mustang.

Before anything could happen though, Hawkeye fired her gun three times, really she thought, all three of her boys were so silly. Through a lot of explaining to Al, yes the sun helps calcium absorption in the body, Ed didn't need mirrors to magnify the high UV rays. Lecturing Mustang about laughing at Ed's poor predicament, with a glare, and treating Ed, she knew something like this would happen….who else but them would do something so silly like this.

Although….it wasn't the end, Al through local conversation found out that the sun can cause cancer…..what was he to do? Well….at least it worked sort of, Al cursed the book that the old guy with the weird beard who hosed down Ed once given him out of the blue.

On their way back from the one day trip, it had to be one day since Ed needed medical treatment...the skin was a bright rash like red. It wasn't a pouting little chibi sitting in the back glaring at the suit of armor; it was a little cherry tomato. (HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL A CHERRY TOMATO COULD EAT HIM!)

Author's note: This chapter's moral, don't over tan! Although the sun could help with calcium and all that…look what happened to Ed, and don't trust things strange old men give you, Grumman. So the summer's here don't go to the tanning solons, natural's better, but tangerine only looks good on oranges! Not people. BTW, my exam week's coming up, after that the minimum number of updates is the usual, but there could be up to three updates a week…if I come up with enough ideas. ^.^

DID YOU KNOW: The US is getting involved in the South China sea disputes, even possibly doing military demonstrations with Vietnam and the Philippines…..here's the problem although in one perspective, it's "standing up for the little guys"….the US did do military demonstrations with Japan over the Fishing Island (Which was one of many island dispute Japan was in at the time, still is), then the natural disasters hit like there was no tomorrow, then the US military pulled out. Although to begin with, it's regional dispute….America's very far from Asia, the US have no business there, I doubt they even solved the chemical dumping in South Korea yet (Probably the only one reporting it is South Korean news). In this case the US is again, the unwanted aggressor since well…..they are backing up the "little guys," but with possible military acts…when they say they want to talk it out. And every country has their own claim, history or geographic wise, and I don't even know how this would work out…with the islands at least it's solid….but water's always moving, how can you even have a border? And let's hope the US military does not turn out to be a bad omen, it might have been a coincidence with Japan….but well, karma or for every reaction there's a reaction is true for not only physics but life. And why does the US government care about….ear piercing a baby, this amuses and baffles me….some of the topic that their talking about, is this what tax dollars are meant to do? Some of the topics I've seen on CNN, why is one of the biggest media giants of news in the US such propaganda machine/ filled with so much nonsense? You would think their debt ceiling would take more of the news...but the sausage scandal tops the news. *o*

Clue: ) No idea, but something will come to me….hopefully. 


	45. Exam

**Disclaimer: In a million years…..better start saving up my money now.**

Edward Eric couldn't believe it, he already got what he wanted, his brother's body back. Yet that bastard still wouldn't let him leave the military! Well at least he was going there with Al and Winry to give the bastard a piece of his mind right now. It wasn't even a month after the whole homunculus taking the world business…yet he was called back.

He walked down the familiar halls, within minutes he was in front of that bastard's office again, maybe he could trying being nicer since the man was blind and all…yeah right, he'll send Mustang a get well card or something when he's back home. Well let see what the old man have left in his sleeves, honestly when he was in the military for every real lead…there were at least fifty goose chases. And now when he attempted to resign, he can't? What do they want him for anyways; he can't even use alchemy now.

"Full metal, is that you?" Mustang asked when he heard the uneven footsteps and the slam of a door.

"Yeah, what do you want now?" the frustrated pouting teenager asked.

"It's not what he wants sonny boy, it's what I want!" Grumman popped from a random closet (Don't know why he was in there in the first place) scaring the living daylight of the blond while the blinded man just sighed and face palmed.

"You see full metal as the new head of state, General Grumman here have putted your resignation letter in limbo….so you have to do another state alchemy exam this year." Mustang explained.

"WHAT! WHY CAN'T I RESIGN YOU OLD GEEZER!" Ed screamed in the old man's face.

"Edward." A very irritated Riza appeared from the door way to give Mustang more paper work since the country's being rebuilt and all…

"No need to get frustrated Riza, just telling the boy what he'll be doing for his state alchemy exam!" a very joyous weird mustached old man declared.

"BUT I CAN'T DO ALCHEMY…." Ed grimily replied, really how was this suppose to work, he wasn't a state alchemist anymore, he wasn't an alchemist anymore.

"But you're still the people's alchemist, that title won't be so easy to shake of, even if you can't do alchemy anymore, they won't forget you any time soon." The elder said with eyes that looked towards the past, or in a half daze.

And so the exam was explained, it was relatively simple. In three days time, Ed would have to go through an obstacle course designed especially for him, if he done it in as little time as possible…he might be able to resign from the military. Providing that Grumman doesn't forget of course, he wasn't that young anymore.

The days pass quickly, Winry and Al wee both curious about his exam so they went to watch. Along with the whole military base like Flame vs. Full metal except that there were some civilians among them since it was an open event…..really the head of state, fuehrer Grumman was even declaring it around central with a gong and a voice magnifier. Ed just turned chibi at his exam being turned into a public event, or stunt.

Well….there wasn't much to say about the obsacle course, heck it was easier than his first. In the beginning there was a series of questions about alchemy that he had to answer, then a physical course…not that hard, he got to swing around, jump around climb around…he was in his natural element. But the end of the exam was one that everyone would remember for ages, he had to drink a glass of milk, how was milk related to alchemy? Or the military? So he just sat there in chibi mode pouting with his arms crossed glaring at the glass of evil.

Half an hour passed, nothing happened, an hour passed, nothing happened. Finally, Grumman attempted a bunch of things….which did not work. Bribes, he could fire Mustang if he drank the glass of milk, which led to an outrageous cry from Mustang which he had to discreetly reassure that he would re-hire. Threats, if he didn't drink the milk, the military would follow him where ever he went….talking his every move. Trying to make the boy laugh so he could pour the milk….except he told a bunch of short jokes. Even took on the grandpa figure and attempted to coax Ed to drink through his years of wisdom, which both Hawkeye and Mustang attempted to stop but Grumman stopped with a loud declaration of "I'll stop trying to adopt this midget as my great grandson when both of you make me some great grand children!" which lead to the two blushing and Ed red as a tomato, he couldn't very well yell at the person running the country in front of so many people.

Every attempt, Ed got smaller, he went from chibi mode to ultimate chibi to the Nth degree small….a lot like a bean…..and then Grumman just poured the milk on the little bean.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT I CAN LIVE IN A BEAN!"

….in the end though he was still in the military since he didn't finish his exam.

Author's note: This is the state alchemy exam under Grumman's role, to celebrate my exams being over…..so he's being the grandpa figure sort of.

DID YOU KNOW: NATO's killing civilians in Libya? No surprise there….why can't they sent another group of SEALS to go after Gaddafi, it would cost less money, kill fewer people….and maybe get him? America's pulling out of Afghanistan, good baby steps…there's only Iraq, Iran, Libya, Mexico, and the military bases all over the world. The military complex should slow down, looking more inward than outward. Which leads to another question, why's the president's wife lecturing Africa about education when statistics show that the US could do with some improvements? Really? =.=

Clue: ) A character that you see for two seconds in the whole FMA series. 


	46. Himself

**Disclaimer: Will only own this in my dreams…**

Edward Eric couldn't believe it, how could his other world counterpart be like this? Well at least he was alive, he thought that Edvard Heric…weird name, yeah he know could be like this? After he and Alphonse returned to Germany, by a game of chance they met up with him. Through some interaction though they both found out, he was nothing like the blond alchemist.

Which surprised Ed, considering how alike Al and Alfons were, they both like cats, strays especially, they both enjoy teasing him and they both can cook a five course meal….and they both thought more rationally than he ever would. But his counterpart, although they had the same features, they were very, very different.

Edvard flirted with girls….he didn't even know how to began a romantic conversation with Winry….let alone flirt. Really this…him reminds him of Mustang with the sweet talking, gift giving. And dare he say it bedding of a variety of woman. Well, his little brother was traumatized…and not even by him when he walked in his alternative brother in the act since they somehow ended up living together, humph he didn't get to traumatize his little brother! That's his job, not his look alike's.

He isn't as hard headed….really, Al made him do a bunch of things he would never do. Such as bringing strays to shelters, teaching little kids to read, raising money for orphanages. Well…the good parts, they also seen him drunk, vandalize the library, poor books and even attempting to get Ed to pick up girls with him.

He also…..got along with Mustang, or Roi Mustan in this world, he was still about ten years older though. They picked up girls together…ewww, got drunk together, and even had man to man talks. Edward honestly didn't know how it happened, Mustang was a bastard to him in their world….yet is mentor in this one? Is the truth playing some kind of a trick on him?

He was able to reject Al's kicked puppy look...yeah he knew they weren't blood related but Al even told him even Hawkeye couldn't resist that look! How could he reject such a pitiful, adorable look? Some of the things Al couldn't get him to do, stop vandalizing the library, getting drunk for no reason, leaving his….used under clothing every where…doing it….when ever and where ever he wanted in their shared living quarters. Yeah he had seen himself doing it to…..weirdest moment of his life…

He still had his mother, Trisha was alive in this world, his father left when e found out she was pregnant, figures once a bastard, always a bastard. And she worked in a palace called Russia as a nurse, Edvard left home to venture out on his own. His counterpart didn't know how lucky he was…but in the end it's the same situation when he thought about it, his life line in the there world was his brother, in this world, is mother takes that place.

He hated books, how could this be physically possible? Well it explains why he wanted to destroy the defenseless library with the stacks of knowledge. They had a discussion about this one day, one of those conversations where one thing led to another. His reason "lies, that's what they are…only the winners get to write history and the elite write knowledge to use the masses for their own gain. If you believe in the words on those pieces of paper, you are a sheep that is being herded." Which led to Ed thinking about it, with the military ran state government back home and the recent Hitler incident here…maybe he was right not trusting the things being written. His counterpart wasn't as dumb as he made himself out to be.

Somehow….he was also friends with the hurmonculus, at least Wrath, Envy, Greed and Lust. Now he really didn't know how it worked….well when e saw them….he attempted to beat them up which somehow led to a game of truth or dare. But they're better, sort of, Wrath was whinier, really acting like the kid he was, Envy was a girl? Huh it had a gender in this world…and attempted to hit on him, cue shudder. Greed wasn't the head of a gang, no he was much bigger, he was the head of the biggest mafia in Germany, SINZ and Lust was married to Scar….somehow….lest seducing and more motherly?

The biggest surprised of all. EVARD DRANK MILK! That's right he drank the cow juice and every time they have an argument about it, which was every single day. They got into a physical tug of ropes, or milk carton. Ed always lost because well… he didn't drink milk. It was unbelievable, arguing with himself every single day…..and the sad part was the other him called him midget, shrimp, shirmpy, bean sprout, itty witty, small fries, a molecule, a tiny pebble, world's shortest seventeen year old and the list goes on…..in conclusion his short rants didn't work against the one centimeter taller version of himself.

While Al was pondering, why wasn't his brother, the one he's related to by blood, shorter?

Author's note: This chapter is thanks to a reviewer suggestion, Apocalypsefantasy.So, here it is, Ed arguing to himself about drinking milk. And as for why Al's wondering, if Ed's physical body supported two, well he was fifteen; puberty and Al even at ten could eat just as much. So how did he get to be four foot eleven or something/ one hundred and thirty something center meters? Since as much as he eats…well Al's body was still underfed when he got out, so how could he grow at all since the age of eleven, and Ed was short to began with….so hence the alternative Ed is drinking all the milk….to make sure Ed grows….at all. So review, I keep on forgeting to add this!

DID YOU KNOW: Both European and American countries are all pulling out of Afghanistan! This would be good news, but the civilian casualties or their suffering will never have compensation. Although they could have done a lot better, you may ask me why? Well for starters, all they did was more or less bomb the place, like Libya, that isn't a good military strategic move by any means. This is a very bold, thoughtless move, "you can't build Rome in a day"…well you can't restructure afghan society by constantly threaten and bombing them and tear their way of life apart. That isn't strategy, and I've noticed the American military always make the boldest moves such as Hilary Clinton's statement while visiting Japan in the last few days, "China is the reason for the disputes in Asia/South China Seas". When there are at six countries more or less that lay claim to those waters, and she was visiting Japan to partner up to do another military demonstration (WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE, THEIR COUNTRIES ARE IN A MAJOR FANANCIAL CRSIS OR PARTIALLY DESTROYED AND THEY SPEND MORE MONEY ON MILITARY DEMOSTRATION! XO). And sorry to say that Japan isn't the only one, the US is partnering up with Vietnam, Philippines, South Korea (Why partner up with the military that dumped an Agent Orange like chemical in your own back yard not too long ago….I'm speechless), Australia, even India (I might be forgetting one or two) to do military demonstration….the war isn't over yet. (Source: CCTV 4/ Focus Today or news stations from one of the countries listed, search it up). Well, might is not always right, it's a game of brawns vs. brains, and brawns can only take you so far, it's like a heavily muscled man throwing empty punches at a regular guy who knows where to hit, either the throat, vital organs or legs. Or like Code Geass, Lelouch vs. Suzaku, in the end although Lelouch died, he got what he wanted while Suzaku played Zero…..maybe they should get the US head military strategist to watch military anime as a qualification for the job? However the losers would be the countries throwing the money away in military demonstration….especially, sorry to say the US since it's pretty much conformed (You can blame Clinton and McClain, which is both parties? I'm not sure which one's which.) Since it may be a demonstration…but they use real weapons, and since the military is funded by the state which means you foot the bill. And if you ever played a board game, a few well placed moves are better than a bunch of bold ones, the bolder they are the more they can see through your strategy. And the reason behind this is probably the "new red scare" as reported respectively by American media such as CNN, Time and The Economist, but the latter two is better than the first one. BTW please don't shoot the messenger, I know that a lot of readers may be angry but chances are the media there isn't even going to report it, or report it a lot later (CNN reported the SK chemical dump a week after I posted mine up), or twist it so that it seems like America's fighting for the little guys….how are India and Australia little? So don't get pissed at me, I know this is the worse news I've deliver since beginning this section^_^. And a recommended anime that reflects the trouble in our world, financially is **[c] - the money of soul and possibility control.**

Clue: ) Someone related to Mustang. 


	47. Alcohol

**Disclaimer: …. I own the plot, nothing else.**

Why did the bastard take him to this place again? He knew that he was legal…..but the bastard took him here right after his fourteenth birthday party. It was a bar…and he didn't even get the chance to decide! Mustang just dragged him here. Humph! Adults these days….why was he here?

"So midget, since you're finally legal now, what would you like rum, whiskey, wine, beer..?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A DROP OF 0. ALCOHOL COULD GET HIM DRUNK!"

"Relax Full metal, now that you're legal, as you're superior, I should be treating you shouldn't I?"

When Ed was about to reply, a woman in her fifties came to where they were sitting, she had raven hair and eyes almost as dark as Mustang's.

"So Roy boy, what can I get you today?"

"Just whiskey, how about you Ed?"

"Ummm….beer?"

"Sorry honey, we don't serve under age customers."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE HAVE T RIDE IN THE TEA CUP RIDE IN THE AMUSMENT PARK BECAUSE HE WAS TOO SMALL FOR THE FERRIS WHEEL!"

"Madame Christmas, it's okay, he's legal…though he may not look it."

Their drinks came only several minutes after, Mustang got his whiskey…..Ed got a cold glass of milk. His eye twitched as he went to chibi mode, was this a sick joke that Mustang was attempting to play on him? To tell him that he still looked short even though he was legal? While Mustang couldn't help but snicker at Ed's predicament, his aunt was really something else.

So…..Ed huffed and puffed while his commander drank away. Although after that incident, he visited the same bar about fifty times with his brother…..and the old hag always gave him milk….and called him "honey". She even gave Al rum…..even though he was a suit of armor! So by the fifty first time, he brought his ID which Al suggested after finding out the problem form Hawkeye who heard it from the office who heard from Grumman who was told by Mustang….which worked.

Except when Ed got drunk enough…..Madame Christmas switched his alcohol to milk….and the after taste was unpleasant as the headache, as the blackmail material Mustang got, he even called Winry to say "I love you." Maybe he should stick to milk…..even milk doesn't have such bad and embarrassing after effects…and he took in a stray kitten.

As for Madam Christmas, well she knew who the brat was; Roy told her enough about him….but she never thought that he was actually that small. Well if he decides to get drunk in her bar, he'll get a dose of calcium with the alcohol; after all he was a kid and still illegal in her eyes, no matter what the state says.

Author's note: Well if you can't tell yet, Ed got drunk and his alcohol was switched with milk. I know the legal age is small, but Ed was really busy at fifteen so the legal age in here's fourteen. And the bar he was taken to, Madam Christmas's, moral of the story, don't get drunk….and always have ID on you? So review!

DID YOU KNOW: NASA is attempting to launch a missile to Mars? Great idea and all…..but with the US's financial situation and that landing a man on Mars won't do much for the situation on earth. Since the landing of a man on the Moon didn't allow humans to make the Moon a resource, no one went to it after. It can be a great expedition though, but alas we are only human, space travel is currently only a great theory….and everything is better in theory than in real life, such as political ideals. And a small question, why is the election hype in the US already up? They're already talking about candidates and so forth; couldn't that campaigning money be used for better topics? With the current crisis, you think that they would be pulling out military bases from around the world, not attempting to threaten their debtor (last post) and getting involved in random water dispute (South China Sea isn't the only one, there's also apparently military demonstration in the Black Sea against Russia). If getting elected/ re-elected is more important than the will of the people, they should really put the money where their mouth is. At this point, does it matter who wins, when both apparently keeps on playing the blame game instead of attempting to pay down the debt, reimage the view of America as a war monger, and doing something about the education instead of "All the jobs are being shipped to China/ India/Africa" or "immigrants are taking all the jobs away." In theory though, we are all immigrants to the plant earth….since we're only here for a period of time and have to leave whether or not we want to, no one's permanent residence unless you count the trees that's been here for hundreds/thousands of years. ^.^

Clue: ) Another one related to Mustang. 


	48. Bet

**Disclaimer: Will not own FMA…..maybe in a million years**

The office was buzzing with excitement, a huge office bet was placed and the chain smoker was the victim. You see it all started out three days ago in the military cafeteria, Mustang's crew saw Ed ignore the milk, but took an ice cream desert. Which got them wondering, what kinds of dairy products can they force into the little blond. Thus a bet was born; even Hawkeye was involved, so it begins, the many attempts of the Havoc forcing random dairy products into Ed.

Havoc was wondering how he was going to get the boss to eat cheese, ice cream, yogurt, and maybe drink milk. He wanted to win this one, there was a 50000 cenz bet on it, and Mustang betting the most saying that he won't get one single product into Ed before the day was done. Fuery being the most encouraging with two products. Now he had to do this right….or else he may end up in the hospital or something if Ed figures it out.

Unfortunately for Ed, a plan was born, he was just in the library, reading up on the philosopher's stone with Al when he was put in a body bag and kidnapped by Havoc. Al watched in horror and amazement that someone would dare to do that to brother, so he followed him. Havoc went back to the office, dumped the little blond chibi out, and began to tie him to a random chair.

Ed was pouting, what was Havoc thinking? And why was he tied up? And why in the gate's name was everyone staring at him. Can't they stop with this….well he didn't know what this was? Why was Havoc taking of his boots now?

An evil grain was on the sandy blond's face as he took out a feather and began tickling Ed's flesh limb, a small giggle erupted from the small alchemist. Yes his plan was going to work. Havoc took a feather duster….don't ask where and began tickling the blond with it. Al was questioning the chain smoker's mentality, tickling brother was never a good move…the last person who tried it Russell and Ling both got black eyes from it.

When Ed was laughing with his mouth open, Havoc opened a carton of milk and pours it into the blond's mouth, and stuffed cheese and all the other dairy products he got for the occasion into the boy's mouth. The office watched in awe, Hughes even took photos of this momentous moment.

Unfortunately, Havoc didn't tie the small alchemist to the chair tight enough. Ed got out, long story short, Havoc won the bet, went to the hospital….and the bet money was exactly his hospital bill.

While Ed was even more temperamental about his height, even yelled at the cafeteria lady, and destroying Mustang's desk again for allowing such a bet.

Author's note: So….this is my version of what an office bet involving milk would be like. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: The US may default on their debt? Is it so hard to cut the unnecessarily big military unit? While Greece have to sell the country's assets, but what's with the credit rating system? Greece and the US both own a lot, but Greece gets the worse rating? Well, all that really shows is that stop spending beyond your means, and the world is coming to a new era where America, Japan, the countries with the highest GDP are coming down, now Asia's raising up again, no one should be surprised, nothing can stay at the top forever, gravity will pull you down. WHAT'S WITH AMERICA'S LEGAL SYSTEM? If you've heard of the Casey Anttony trial, how can they let someone who committed murder off that easily? All she gets are lying about the evidence? Shouldn't she be sentence to a mental ward…at the very least? So that she won't be a menace to society, and I'm sure there are people who would take it upon themselves to do what the legal system couldn't. *-* 

Clue: ) One of the oldest characters in FMA.


	49. Pinako

**Disclaimer: Don't have any connections to the production of FMA :'''{**

Edward Eric was in grumpy mood, ever since he and his brother came back from the doomsday battle. The old hag had been working him like a cow! Al was recovering of course and wasn't allowed to do much, enforced by him. Day and night, if he didn't have to fix something around the house, he had to help with the auto mail business; couldn't he relax…for once?

Pinako was grinning, her adopted grandson, and soon to be son in law were back, granted Ed did grow taller…but he was still short in her eyes. She remembered the earliest days where she could get Ed to drink a glass of milk with a thump on the head with her pipe and a glare….now that he's under her wing again; he's going to start drinking the substance again.

"Midget, come here, there's more things for you to take upstairs!"

"Old hag, how many times have I told you not to call me that, I'm taller than you!"

"Not tall enough, still short as a bean sprout, not get these boxes up there!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE IS A BEAN SPROUT!" and a metal pipe came his way, knocking Ed unconscious.

Well…what was she spouse to do, the brat was like a dog, and he could sniff the milk out in any food that she or Winry makes, its better this way. And she walked to the kitchen, pouring a glass of milk and pouring it into the boy's mouth. While Al sweat dropped at the scene, why couldn't other people just glare at his brother until he drank his milk, that' what he used to do in the suit of armor….it worked…sometimes.

When Ed woke up, there was a small bump on his head, and he had a funny taste in his mouth. Unfortunately for him….it continued, the old hag's pipe hits harder than Winry's wrench, so at random times, but at least once a day, he would be knocked unconscious and more white calcium related substance would be poured into his mouth. And another blow, Winry saw what her granny was doing and started perfecting her throws with her wrench, now the random head thumps were to make him unconscious, oh joy.

While Al watched on, not getting either women…..and wondered, why were people always on about his brother not drinking milk, but never about him not eating spinach?

Author's note: One of he oldest characters other than the immortals, non humans, Pinako. So yeah, putting that pipe into good use, knocking Ed unconscious. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: The space age isn't over, apparently now the race in space is between China and India! Which I have no idea why the two countries are constantly being compared to one another, there's different politically system, the history 5000 years is only similar in amount, but overall different histories and cultures. And now China's considered a global power….by a military official in the US? Why does everything have to tie into the military? And they found rare earth deposits on the ocean floor! Now, another problem, is it environmentally friendly?

Clue: ) I'm running out of plot bunnies…so a reviewer. 


	50. imnotobsessedwithanime

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything….maybe the reviewer….?**

Imnotobsessedwithanime was put into the FMA universe curtsey of the author, what she was going to do there well the author left it to her. While unknowing to the full metal alchemist, trouble was in his world, he still shudders when he thought of the "mew incident" and he was still traumatized by the over….zealous fan girl. While imnotobsessedwithanime was going on a chibi hunt for her favorite blond alchemist. Fortunately though, the author putted her in central where Ed was now it was a matter of finding him.

So like any good fan girl, she pulled out a megaphone (out of where the author has no idea) and began screaming into it.

"SHIRMP!"

"MIDGET!"

"SUPER DUPER TINY LITTLE ALCHEMIST THAT LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN GRADE SCHOOL!"

Which of course got the little chibi's attention, he was red in the face and screaming charging at the fan girl, while dragging the armored Al with him, it was a funny sight the small blond dragging the big suit of armor. While Al face palmed. He was huffing and puffing and wondering who this new stranger was, but with a once over he confirmed another one of the "crazies"…..as if the people in this universe was forcing milk into him, this strange girl was going to do it do. So he ran, while Al was questioning his brother's sanity while imnotobsessedwithanime grinned evilly.

Although Ed ran and ran, he got nowhere, actually he was trapped in a back alley, the fan girl closed in on him and somehow jumped on top of him, prying his mouth open and attempted to pour a glass where she pulled out of nowhere in his mouth. He escaped, but alas, not for long. Since she was in the anime world, might as while as mess with the plot line, within twenty minutes imnotobsessedwithanime was the fuehrer of Amestris, and within three minutes the whole country was after the little chibi.

With all those people after him, Ed got caught, Al sweat dropped over the fuss and the trouble the girl was making. The girl grinned like a cat that got the canary, or FMA fan girl that got her chibi and revealed her invention in the last hour.

"W-what, how are you doing this you crazy woman!" Ed in chibi mode cried out, he was in restrains again, what's with fan girls and loving to tie him up?

"Anime logic." She answered easily, still watching her invention going to work, it was a shrink ray….and she had a whole habitat set for the little chibi too.

No matter how much Ed struggled, he couldn't get out, Al was looked up again watching the chaos, so Ed was downsized to the size of a hamster, and was put into an aquarium where it was only twenty percent land, and eighty percent milk.

Since imnotobsessedwithanime got what she wanted, she through anime logic went back to the real world because she wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

Ed was hamster size for a whole seven month, he attempted to escape, but alchemy didn't work….and he got a stomach full of milk whenever he tried to escape. In the anime world, people were wondering where the little chibi was, it was almost time for the final battle. Al at first pleaded then threatening the author; she finally opened a portal to the real world, landing Al in Australia….but imnotobsessedwithanime resided in the United States. He cursed the author and through six month of travelling got his small big brother back, since he didn't trust the author of this fiction to land him back safely, so he threatened the "hamster girl" who got both of them back in central.

Since Ed drank milk….even unwillingly for seven month, when he finally got his original height back curtsey of the truth. Even he was feeling sorry at the many milk incidents the small alchemist went though, he grew two center meters.

While Al at this point was fed up with all the milk incidents that the author putted his brother in, that was his job forcing milk into brother, and was plotting against her.

Author's note**: I want to give a big ****THANK YOU ****to the readers, reviewers & followers of this fic; **we're now just about half way through. To be fair, I never thought that I could write so many one shots, since forcing milk into Ed has been done by so many previous authors, so think up new ideas was seemingly impossible. This reviewer was chosen at random as will others be. So Review! ^.^

DID YOU KNOW: The US is either increasing the debt ceiling or defaulting by August second, it's a sad situation. Although the world is different from before the recession in 2008, there's the saying "when America sneezes, the world catches a cold," now though it's a different situation, the most effected is most likely to be North and South America, Europe got its own crisis through the various countries that are near bankrupted, Africa doesn't do a lot of trade with the Americas, there's already more than enough trouble in the Middle East, and Asia is likely to be the least effected since the first round of recession only landed a soft punch. Australia is dependent on America for military means, economically, Asia or China to be specifically. Now the effects are more or less by region. Although what started this would be another quote "if you own the bank a million dollars the bank owns you, but if you own the bank a hundred million you own the bank." This quote shows the mentality of living on debt, using logical terms, no bank would be stupid enough to give a lender fifty one percent or more of what they have, and as it is the bank, the said person isn't the only investor or lender of the bank….unless the said bank is ran by five year olds or people who just don't know better, the bank owns the said person either way. If you want to find this quote just look up "America's debt to China" that's where I found it. Although even in such times, people's arrogance are astounding, with America's possible fall and currently China's rise, all some people can go on about is how "America built China up with Wal-Mart." This is beyond laughable, Wal-Mart is just one of many muti-nation companies that occupy the world today and considering the amount of things produced in China, in America unfortunately, it's only weapons, in a globalized world, America is only considered one costumer. "The West gave capitalist ideals"…..that would be false once again considering the history of trade such as the silk road, business men and women who traded spices, knowledge, architecture and various other things in the Eastern countries before the West was civilized.

Clue: ) People related to the Erics but not by blood. 


	51. Tringham

**Disclaimer: -_-, Yeah in a million years maybe.**

During the Eric brothers' journey to find the philosopher's stone, they met many people. And the Tringham brothers were just two of them, their path crossed yet again several month after the "other full metal" incident. The Eric brothers were on another wild goose chase after some crazy alchemist that butchered cows and took the liver in a small town north east of central called Azu, the other set of brothers were there because they heard that the small town's library held rare books on plant alchemy.

So the bickering, pranking and random other nonsense began, for the elders of the brothers….unfortunately there was only one hotel in town. Which only had one room available, so the youngers had to suffer though it all. They face palmed.

In the first three days, Ed and Russell had an alchemy war, going on all levels….nearly getting them kicked out of the hotel, for another three they pranked each other…and random bystanders. Unknowingly of the conversation that was going on between their younger brothers.

"Why does brother have to do this?" the suit of armor pouted….figuratively.

"I know, my brother's the same, he never listens to anything I say!" Fletcher ranted.

"And they never tell you what they're doing."

"What they're planning."

"And he never drinks milk!"

"Oh, my brother would never touch peas….he says that they're a mutant of a vegetable with no real purpose."

"Ed says that its cow juice…sometimes I wished a cow borne Ed instead of our mother….at least he have to drink then…"

"Other than being biologically impossible, for once he can't argue with that."

"How about this then? Since both of our brothers have food issues, I tackle Russell while you target Ed, they never see it coming.

"Deal!"

"Deal!"

And so the brothers were cornered but not knowing it by each other's little brothers.

Day one

Ed woke up confined to his bed by plants while that little rascal poured milk down his throat.

Russell was man handled and forced to eat peas by that tin man.

Day two

Ed was half awake in the middle of the night because Fletcher wanted to play cards with his brother when something cold reached his lips, it tasted creamy, milky and sweet. When he woke up in the morning, he discovered it was a milk bar.

Russell had a glaring contest with the suit of armor and….lost, he had to eat the peas now. But what was he thinking? A suit of armor can't lose in a staring contest.

Day three

Ed woke up to a coconut in his face; well half although he unknowingly drank it….he didn't have much of a reaction.

Russell was covered in peas…..according to room service that was what he ordered; a bathtub of peas….which got dumped on him by the metal pea.

By the end of the third day, both older brothers were on to what the younger ones were doing….but they can't stop them….no with the kicked puppy dog face. So they suffered for five more days, by the end of two weeks the Erics had to leave since their mission was complete….although Fletcher had one more trick.

He given Al a coconut tree which was bio alchemized, it needed the minimum amount of air water and sun light and grew up to only one sixth of a regular coconut tree. Al preserved it in his armor, and so whenever they really didn't have any food left or was stranded in the middle of nowhere, Ed had to drink coconut milk which he didn't mild as much and ate the coconuts.

Unknowingly to the author, while she was writing this story, Al came out of her laptop and knocked her out with his helmet. Humph! She was not going to force any more milk into brother, it was his job!

Author's note: So this is the Tringham brothers, since they were the other Erics. So in this chapter, plant alchemy was used, and Ed instead of cow juice drank plant juice. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: News of the World's fall from grace from their phone hacking. Although all media have its many problems since phone hacking is about the worse a news station could get, but there are also many news stations which covers up news, report bias news, report news that isn't news at all, sensationalize the smallest of news and I can go on. We live in a world where media is all around us, they all have a selective reporting of sorts, and however seeing more than one station could help. California teaching gay history? I thought the educational system was crazy when Arizona banned Ethic studies, but this is a new….extreme. History is important as I've stated in previous posts, but do people studying it really want to know who various people slept with? A simple solution for the education crisis, import board members from Asia, Australia, Europe, even Canada. Since focusing on equality is important, but to highlight this instead of making it one section of history is unrealistic. Even in Canada, the most extreme was Afro centric education which is reasonable consider their huge role in North America progress, even a Native centric would be reasonable/ recommended. The system needs to be modeled after one that works. [o]

Clue: )A cat like person. 


	52. Fu

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I own it?**

Ed really didn't know how he got into this mess….no really he really doesn't know. It started two month ago, when Ling visited again, for some diplomatic reason? Yeah right, anyways after owning milk farms and being chased down by bulls, Edward stayed far away from the maniac as possible.

But he popped up where ever Ed went, while Ran Fan conversed and helped out, he was being stalked by a guy who he doesn't know if he could see. Anyways, they got into argument after argument, even louder when it was about food. The guy wanted to force milk into him again, but this time he used his auto mail, kicking the insane guy in the face when ever things got over heated. But it never worked.

Fu watched again as his prince, now grandson in law getting kicked by that brat! How dare he do such a thing to the prince of Xing! The brat needed a lesson in honor…and he just wanted to rough up the boy a bit, it's been ages since he had hand to hand combat. Even less so since Ran was pregnant, he was going to be a great grandfather soon.

Al didn't like the look on old man Fu's face, remembering the incidents with Ran Fan and Ling, he shuddered at the thought. They were too good at getting Ed to do what he would never do, not as well as him….but still he prepared for the worse, which was distracting Winry while hide away in the basement or the attic and hope for the best.

Then it finally happened.

"SHIRMP, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A BATTLE OF HONOUR FOR MASTER LING'S SAKE!" Old man Fu declared at the dinner table one evening.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT LING WOULD NEVER SEE ME WITH HIS SQUINTY EYES….well I'm not sure if he can see me now, but what battle?" Ed questioned.

"A BATTLE OF HONOUR!" Even Ling's mouth was agape for this.

"…"

"YOU WILL BATTLE ME TINY PIN SIZE BEAN SPOUT ON FRIED RICE!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU CENTURY OLD STATUE!"

"YOU WILL BATTLE ME THE SMALLEST OF SMALL RED BEAN WHICH IS NOT BIG ENOUGH TO BE CONSUMED BY A MOUSE!"

"YOU'RE ON OLD MAN, LING BETTER PREPARE TO SHIP YOU NTO THE HOSPIAL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

"Now, now, things don't-" Ling attempted to settle two very hot tempered people down, but the death glare was too much.

Al face palmed, Winry and Ran fan shacked their heads while patting their pregnant bellies telling their future children what morons their father/ great grandfather were about thing. Ling trying to talk his body guard/ grandfather in law, which was no use, the old man was more stubborn than Ran Fan, and she's like a mountain which is impossible to move by mortal means. Pinako watched on, there was going to be some entertainment after all, she liked the old man already, and a brat like Ed needs to be challenged once in a while smoking her pipe.

So here he was, the battle about to begin, if he wins, the old man will teach him a few deadly martial arts techniques….to be used on Ling later, but he didn't know it. If the old man wins, he had to drink milk, yuck, for three meals for two weeks.

He charged at the old man, but he disappeared, he felt a kick to his head. He fell, while falling, using his feet to give a roundabout kick to the old man's stomach, it worked. But his leg was grabbed; he twisted his body to give a punch to the old guy's leg. It worked, but he left himself in the open and the old man took this advantage and flipped him. And so the battle went on.

Five hours later, a winner was declared, old man Fu won by experience, so Ed being a man of his word suffered again.

While the author was writing this Al came through the laptop again, he thought that her being unconscious would stop this insaness. But it didn't work, so he tied the author up and putted her out on the balcony which was near the top floor and allowed her to hang out swinging back and forth, not being able to go up down and can't go down for the fear of death. He went back after the deed was done.

"AL!"

Author's note: So the character that looks like a cat, Fu! It was in one of the FMA comics at the back of the book, where Al saves Fu because he was a cat, lol. So a battle to the finish, and this would be set in an AU if he was alive and didn't get killed. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: The tragedy in Norway is just unbelievable; in this day and age white supremacy ideals are still alive? But then again extremist of any origin is bad, religion, politics and especially when race is involved. But it was also unbelievable to see people assuming that a certain group was at fault too, what happened to "not judging a book by its cover"? As human beings we come from different walks of life, the difference is not a reason to shift blame on a certain group since although the cover may have similarities the content of the books are very different. Just hope that Norway law will make an exception, 21 years is NOT enough for his actions. It really is a war of words in the white house, the debt ceiling is a long term problem, and no short term solution will be able to solve it. But considering that it's like a maxed out credit card/ cards, raising it doesn't sound reasonable. Before anyone say that I'm "right winged" which I don't really support any politically parties. But borrowing more when they are borrowing to pay of interest on previous borrowing is a roundabout logic, it's a circular trend which questions if/will it stop, even with the cuts. When a person reaches the max on a credit card, the company will want the person to pay it back, if the person uses another credit card to pay back the minimum amount on the other credit card, said company would not be stupid to give the person another credit card. There might be short term gains on raising the debt ceiling, but there's another question to the American public, which country/bank would let the US government borrow more? Even if their rating is AAA, they haven't been paying back on any of the previous debts, instead printing funny money, even if it was for a limited amount of time, the USD is still the world's common trade currency, which devalued other countries' currencies.

Clue: ) A none human in FMA. 


	53. Rewrite

**Disclaimer: I only own the lyrics…on this page only.**

_kishinda omoi o hakidashita ino wa_

_sonzai no shoumei ga hokani nai kara_

_tsukanda hazu no boku no mirai wa_

_songen to jiyuu de mujun shiteru yo_

Edward's body felt light, who would've thought that death, would come so swiftly, it was for his brother, to fix his mistake. It didn't matter that he wasn't able to see his brother ever again, all that matters was to fix the mistake that he made, that Al paid for. Alphonse held his brother's lifeless body, how could he just leave him alone here, he got his body back, but at the cost of his brother's soul, an anguish raw primitive cry was let out of his lips, despite his weak and much smaller body, he held his brother as his life line. As Rose ushered both of them out of the forsaken place, where his brother's death became reality.

_yuganda zanzou o keshisaritai no wa_

_jibun no genkai o soko ni miru kara_

_jiishiki kajou na boku no mado ni wa_

_kyonen no karendaa, hitsuke ga nai yo_

The truth wondered about the golden eyed child, it seen him more times in his short mortal life than any other alchemist. The boy traded his soul for his brother's body, but where the boy's soul should end up, the gate already had a direction, the boy was not meant to die yet. and besides, the truth needed some entertainment once in a while, normal humans were so boring!

_keshite riraitoshite_

_kudara nai chougensou_

_wasureranu sonzaikan o_

Mustang seeing the dead body for the first time after meeting Al in his human body, why did Ed have to give up so much? All that suffering and still suffered until his death, he cupped the boy's cheek; he looked so young, so peaceful. In his trance he didn't notice the short alchemist's eyes' opening, and a loud wail could be heard though out the Rockbell household.

"Wahhhhhhh, who are you? I wanna momma!"

_kishikaisei_

_riraitoshite_

_imi no nai souzou mo kimi o nasu gendouryoku_

_zenshin zenrei o kure yo_

Edward woke up, wait he woke up? Wasn't he dead, or suppose to be? Why did his underwear feel wet? And why in the truth's name did he feel like playing with a choo choo train? In his train of thought, unknown to him, the door opened, and there she was, his mother. Cupping him up in one arm, she proceeded to feed him milk though a bottle. When Ed realized it, a brick wall hit him, he was even smaller! Wait, his mother being alive, him being this small, the truth let him traveled back in time? After he finished the bottle, and no he didn't fight it, after all it was his mother, the real one not Sloth feeding him the substance…as vile as it is. She cooed and cuddled him before putting him back in the crib like bed.

_mebaeteta kanjou kitte naite_

_shosen tada bonyou shitte naite_

"WAHHHHHHHHHH!" Al tried to calm his brother down, who was acting like a three year old for the past week, well he counted his luck that it was three year old….at least by that time his brother was potty trained. What in the truth's name did the truth do? After realizing that Ed wasn't dead, Mustang, for all his ego, actually cuddled and comforted the boy, who seemed that much smaller and cuter, he even attempted to play with Mustang's "funny gloves" and almost set the living room on fire…if it weren't for Hawkeye's quick reaction. His brother didn't remember anything…only up until the age of three, like the incident where he bumped a little buggy on the head; he guessed…he was the buggy? Ed thought that he was his little buggy's real daddy so that he could go to their house and pick the buggy up and take him home. Wow, he always thought that his brother always liked him, but seems not….so now he was his own father….? Winry loved the cuter acting Ed, he actually let her cuddled him; he thought that he was "Win-win's big sista". So if the three year olds soul's here, does it mean that his brother traveled back in time? He hopes that his brother doesn't do anything to drastic, or stupid.

_kusatta kokoro o,usugitanai uso o keshite_

_riraitoshite_

_kudara nai chougensou_

_wasureranu sonzaikan o_

He loved this, his little brother was little and cute again, not that he wasn't adorable to begin with. He still had his non transmutation circle alchemy, and he get to make the bastard's life hell…before he leaves to save the world and what not. His mother was alive, and he still had his memories. The truth was seriously drugged or something when he made this deal, he had everything that he ever wanted, despite knowing that it'll end soon. He truly lived the moment this time around, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek and telling her he loved her whenever he could. Beating the bastard whenever he could, punching him, stumping his feet, even biting him when he passes it off as a tantrum and drinking his mother's stew again. Now that there was one more thing left, thanks to his small size, he sneaked on to a train to Eastern, he did an alchemy replacement back home. Still remembering where the other bastard's office was, he marched right in and stumped the younger Mustang in the foot, "humphed" and alchemically wrapped him up in concrete, and just left.

_kishikaisei_

_riraitoshite_

_imi no nai souzou mo kimi o nasu gendouryoku_

_zenshin zenrei o kure yo_

Ten years later, he wasn't able to prevent their mother's death, their father's departure…but they were better off more than ever. You see on that day where he gave the other bastard a piece of his mind, it was all caught on a surveillance camera, Mustang came with Hawkeye days after…since he was only three years old, they couldn't recruited him, but they offered him a place at Central university teaching alchemy. They rejected of course, but the offer was kept, when his mother passed away and his father finally left. The brothers did seek out Izumi again, but this time it was for some history to remain, to reconnect with their old teacher and for Al to experience alchemy on another level. After the training, he went to Central with his brother where Mustang was relocated and accepted the offer. The second time around, he wasn't so naïve, he wasn't so rash, he wasn't so impulsive nor despite for warmth that he found the second time around.

He knows that he will face the homunculus and Dante in the near future, it's fated to happen. But this time, he had wisdom and knowledge beyond others in their youth. The truth he ponders at time, made a mistake, but then again, it was the truth, he didn't make mistakes, although he would never believe in judgmental eternal beings. The truth just seemed more human, equalviant exchange, the basic law of alchemy, the truth has nothing, locked in a vicious cycle of taking and giving into human sins. What he took for this reality, Edward thought was for once instead of an exchange, and it twisted grander laws beyond its control and gave for once.

"Brother come one, you're going to be late, here's your briefcase and I'll see you at lunch, I'm going to Central library!"

Author's note: Know the song? Its rewrite, the non human in this case would be the gate, the truth's been done. And if you're wondering where buggy came from, another one of the FMA comic pages where little Ed didn't like baby Al. HARRY POTTER'S OVER :''', just watched the final installment.

DID YOU KNOW: That the whole debt ceiling crisis was a literal soap opera, in such a serious crisis, there was more bickering and making the default seeming like a more realistic possibility. Although questions still remain, are they ever going to pay off any of it? Are they going to print more money to pay off it? And why is the rich not taxed more? Now, the focus is back to the euro crisis, such a financial hazards time we live in? On a brighter note, the saga of our ages came to it's finally halt, with a blast. But it's a small positive in world full of negatives such as the famine in Africa and the various financial crises. But if people can be more aware, that would do the world a greater good, since although money can be donated, what percentage actually gets there is questionable. Such as Haiti, ten million was donated, one million got there, and this information could be googled.

Clue: ) A tribute to the novel which captured our generation. (Really, the younger kids don't understand the significance; the kid next to me wanted him to take the Elder's wand calling him stupid, lol.) 


	54. Potter

**Disclaimer: Don't own FMA…but I do own a few Harry Potter books?**

Why was he doing this again? Ed questioned himself for the millionth time that day, his little brother, oh right…but really over some kid who had a scar who had to fight some weird snake…thing? It's all Mustang's fault!

Al had this obsession over Harry Potter because of him! It was during the first year he became a state alchemist, other than giving them wild goose chases, Mustang also liked to distract them. So with the promise of a new lead, they took it. The book was titled "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", they read it, and Ed thought that it was actually a lead….until he realized that it was under the fiction section. But Al got hooked, they had a movie night over at the colonel's days after, he slept thought half of it.

So whenever a new Harry Potter book came out after, Al would use his state alchemist privileges to get the new book…and instead of searching for a lead. He had to listen to the kid with the scar, beaver teeth and a kid with too many siblings battle this and that. Really their own situation was much direr than those silly books, for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why Al was so hooked.

Two years after Al got his body back, the final movie was out, finally! But then Al became depressed after seeing the last film, he wouldn't come out of his room! So Winry had a great idea, she given him a stick or wand or whatever and told him to make what ever's suppose to happen, happen.

"Wingardium leviousa?" Al questioned the wand.

The teddy bear flew, thanks to gravity and Ed throwing a brick on the other side of the bed. Although Al knew that it didn't really work, but he can prank brother with it!

During dinner, Al pointed the ting at him and screamed "Brother drinkmilkiss", there was a big question mark over his head, until Al pouted and said "brother, you're suppose to drink the milk!" but that wasn't a spell in the series, as if reading his mind. "Oh, come on, can't I make some things up, now brother you're suppose to drink!" he was using that kicked puppy face again, alright, alright….he'll drink.

And so with the wand, Al made Ed drink milk, Mustang confessed to Hawkeye under the threat of his eyes being poked out by the wand, got beat up by teacher…it didn't work out on her, got Winry to counter with her wrench….but in the end Den chewed the stick up.

Oh well, on o his next "obsession" to bother brother, silly bands, there's even a milk bottled one.

Author's note: Well, this is what I could get for Harry Potter, and well as for chibi chan not thinking much of the series, just compare the FMA series to the Harry Potter series. Overall, I consider FMA to be more tragic…and gruesome (FMA movie).

DID YOU KNOW: About the riots in London? It seems now; just about every single continent had a riot of some sorts, except that this one's burning down historic buildings. And investors' eyes are on the stock market, looks like a QE III may be coming, which is generating a lot of dislike toward the American government. If they keep on print more paper money, then a situation like Germany after WWII will occur. And even if the USD is the current trade currency, there is room for change (Such as Russia, or China's currency), considering that a sizable proportion is borrowed from other countries. Although countries can dump the bonds, none would be naïve enough to dump it all at once, but even with all the financial troubles the US is facing, the military budget is bigger than previous years, anyone see a problem? If the UN is intervene in Libya, why isn't anything done about Syria? 

Clue: ) An Ed in a mode that we all want to see and cuddle ^.^


	55. Neko

**Disclaimer: For the X number of time, do not own anything.**

Edward was grumpy, very grumpy, not only did Mustang gave them a false lead again…they had a run in with a crazy cat lady who attempted alchemy. It wasn't pretty…he tried stopping the old hag, but stepped into the alchemy circle and got turned into a neko. Of course she got arrested and contained and all that, but Al, his own brother…kept on cooing over him…since now he got a brother and a cat. He pouted not only did the alchemy circle given him kitten ears and a tail, he was even shorter now! That old hag mixed his genes up with a month old kittens. Mustang was going to get it!

Roy Mustang was drinking the bitter coffee, another day, another paperwork he sighed, while at least the brat was reporting in today. Walking through the halls, he saw a group of female military personals gathered around a suit of armor. Wondering what the spectacle was about, he eased himself into the group. The sight that greeted him, a ten year old Ed with cat ears and tail, he was glaring and scowling…well more like huffing and pouting.

"Mustang, you bastard!"

"Full metal…where did you get such appendages….Halloween is in two month?"

"This isn't a freaking costume, you send me to a crazy cat lady's place!"

"That doesn't explain…your midgetness."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A WEEK OLD KITTEN WOULD THINK OF HIM AS CATNIP!"

"So where's the report full metal?"

"The cats ate it!"

"No, really full metal where's the report?"

"colonel mustang….brother's not lying, cats really did eat it, after you send us to the town to quell the disturbance, the townsfolk told us about the….crazy cats, brother had already written a report…if you can call it that-"

"AL!'

"Brother…you wrote it on a napkin….after you wiped your mouth with it, anyways when we went there…the cats got the better of us."

"SO FIND A WAY TO REVERSE THIS BASTARD!"

Although Mustang didn't completely believe it, they had bigger problems to solve namely Edward's kitty side needs to be rid off. But then again the crew was too occupied with scathing Ed's ears, cuddling him and generally treating him like a baby.

Since the transformation enlarged his golden eyes and made them more cat like, while the rest of his feature shrink, with an even smaller mouth and nose. Of course he was much quieter during the day, sleeping on the couch for twelve hours but at night he was a terror…tearing up his furniture, who else would get stuck with the brothers…or had enough room for them?

During lunch one day though, the most impossible thing happened in the history of mankind….or Ed's life. He drank milk. He actually picked up the glass and just drank it. However with this new development everyone including Al was skeptical on turning him back to normal, after all this Ed was cuter, quieter…in the morning and drank his milk.

Although the military funded the reversal process….when not only Mustang's furniture kept on being scratched apart…yes even Bradley since it took half a day to get new furniture…every single day. The costs pile up so the military decided that having normal Ed destroying random building was more cost efficient.

And the author was in somewhere in Latin America, where Al after thanking the author for giving him what he wanted, a brother and cat. He putted her in his armor and ran from Canada to the middle of nowhere in Latin America where the author was left stranded. All to get her to stop it with the story, he'll force milk into brother not her!

Author's note: An Ed we all would want to cuddle, a neko Ed. So review!

Al: Don't encourage her….

DID YOU KNOW: There's a lot of paranoia in the US over China's new aircraft carrier…it really doesn't make sense since the ration's 11:1 over the number of carriers both country have. And besides the US's investment in the military already surpass so many countries, such as the new airplane/bomb which can defy time/space and fly to another part of the world in less than an hour….to kill someone. This investment is very questionable, since investing in NASA, medicine or higher education would cost less while having more effect, the only benefit of having or developing a weapon like this is preparing for WWIII. Just think about it, in what situation would the military would ever use it? The military at this pace is preparing for every kind of conflict possible, but then again the US military is more often on the offensive position rather than defensive. While other countries are investing in infastructure, education, and the economy itself, this….investment will only have benefits in wars. Although high technology does not guaranteed success such as the Korean War or the Vietnam, now the Iraq and Iran wars.

Clue: ) Another sin? 


	56. Gluttony

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I own it?**

Edward Eric was in chibi mode and pouting, he was in Gluttony, stuck with Ling and Envy. It wouldn't be so bad….if he wasn't surrounded by milk….and cookies of all things to find in the sin's stomach. Oreo cookies, cup cakes, various sweets drowned in milk. He was sitting on an island of cookies right now.

"Cone on Edo chan, let's find a way out of here!" Ling somehow over hyperly said even in their dire situation.

"…" Ed just glared at the Xing prince.

"You think you can get out of here, ha! Don't make me laugh, what can a midget and a guy with a sword do." Envy mocked.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOO SMALL, HE WOULD DROWN IN A GLASS OF MILK! AND WHY IN THE GATE'S NAME IS THA BIG BLOB'S STOMACH FILLED WITH MILK AND COOKIES!" Edward couldn't take it anymore and shouted his misery.

"First, you're still a pin sized bean, second, well what do you expect? The guy eats meat every day; he needs something to wash down those chucks of human flesh." Envy brushed the question off.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN FIT ON TOP OF A PIN! WHAT'S WITH THE COOKIES?" Ed screamed again.

"Cool down, pipsqueak, you're becoming hotter than a pepperoni…slice. Gluttony may be a sin, but we like cookies too. Come to think of it I can never leave him alone with sweets, always eating my share… " And the sin pondered on the wrongs that Gluttony done him.

"Come down, Ed, if we just think rationally….at least we have food." Ling said with an unusual serious tone.

Ed just kept on pouting, the big blob that called himself Gluttony drink milk and ate cookies…that putted a funny image in his head, Gluttony eating the cookies, the cookie factory…and the workers in the factory. So Ed pondered away, imagining Gluttony eating everything, realized with an irony in theory, he was also "eaten" by Gluttony.

Ling had an evil glint in his eyes, so much milk to force feed into Ed, starting with the simplest method, he pushed Ed of the cookie island while he was pondering. Splash! The chibi ended up soaked in milk….and now he was sending death glares to the Xing prince. Ed attempted to punch Ling…but the prince just grabbed the fist thrown at him and pulled Ed down with him….into the milk again.

"EVIL COW JUICE, EVIL PRINCE, EVIL GLUTTONY FOR DRINKING THE EVIL COW JUICE!" Ed ranted his anger very profoundly.

"Hey, I'm offended chibi, where's me?" Envy glared.

"Shut up, when I'm down with this cow loving prince, you're next?" Edward marched on, attempting to attack the prince again.

"I thought that I was the enemy here, chibi chan, bean spout, midget, shrimp." Envy insulted…but Ed was still focused on revenge…so Envy transformed into the green dog, humanoid, gate related thing…the author does not know how to describe such a mutation of all things horrible in this universe and beyond (Envy: HEY!). And used his size to splash more milk on the small golden eyed alchemist, which finally triggered reactions to Envy's insults and doings.

"WHY IN THE TRUTH'S NAME AM I STUCK IN A COOKIE MONSTER, WITH TWO COW LOVING FREAKS!" Ed shouted.

"HEY!" Envy and the Xing prince responded at the same time…well at least they agree on one thing even if they were on two different sides, torturing Ed with milk is fun/ entertaining.

While the author was written this, she got back thanks to her cell phone. Al came into her room and putted a virus on to her computer while sleeping (Where did he learn that!). He was going to get revenge, for his kin, for his job…and so that he had something to do…really he was rarely in her stories….he appeared no more than possibly five times in 101 Milk Ways, in Colonel's Orders, he was a sub character…a character for brother to shout it due to the colonel….and he died by chapter one in Hour Glass! Revenge is going to be sweet, and he'll appear more times…

Author's note: A redo of when Ed, Ling and Envy were stuck in Gluttony….it isn't hard to imagine the sin of all foods as a cookie monster. So review! And to the readers, starting next week, there likely will be fewer weekly updates, before you throw anything at your computer; I have a sane and valid reason. Gotta prepare for university, education hobby. But I'll try to keep up with the regular schedule with this story. [^.^]

DID YOU KNOW: Libya is officially/ unofficially free? They're just looking for Gaddafi…although this revolution is vastly different from Egypt's, since even now he still has loyal supporters. Although, it may not be another Iraq or Afghanistan, there are too many question faced by the new government of Libya, they are free…but will the western countries that helped them attempt to take their resources (oil)? What kind of a democracy does the people want, two parties or muti party? With so many people with guns, how will they enforce safety? Ect. Why do extremist on either side get so much power? There are media stations that rival CNN in the US. The Sun in Canada, every piece of news is either politically correct/incorrect. Well, there's one in China too, Xin Tang Ren, the exact opposite of CCTV. Although they may all have valid points…it's overshadowed by opinions (All of them), they show their bias profoundly (CNN/ My guess is conservative since the political tracker is filled with Palin and the like. The Sun/ Fiasco conservative…whatever that means) and Xin Tang Ren's contradiction in its messages (Although it's anti communism, almost every single day there's an hour or two of repeating the old communist ways, black and white shows and bashing it….but repeating the ways, way more than state owned channels.) What happened to delivering the news? Does politics have to ruin everything? Why do such views need to go so extreme? When it goes too far, the valid points are lost, i.e. tea party. Anyways check them out, if you have any interest in this post, unlike them….I'm not paid anything to write any of this, instead of state owned, or private owned how about self owned?

Clue: )…I'll get back to you o this one. 


	57. Revenge?

**Disclaimer: Don't need this thing…. I'm in FMA!**

Hello everyone, this chapter of 101 milk ways will not only feature brother, but the evil author! It's me, Al, anyways I got annoyed at her, and she never puts me in a positive light on any of her stories…at least let me force milk into brother more. So after doing some research, finding out what she hates, this chappie is going to be about the horror of eggplants to the author.

The author was sleeping in her bed dreaming about how to milk torture Ed… well there's water torture….but then her dreams changed, dark clouds looming…like a bad omen. Armor Al's face showed up in the sky, he glared and her and pouted before pushing a red button. Then the author was surrounded by eggplants, evil mutated eggplants, like one of those cheesy Halloween movies.

There! Now on to brother! With this virus I'll be the one writing the rest of 101 milk ways, humph!

Now let see…brother was walking down the streets of central, when he was kidnapped by Envy, who got beat up by me. Brother got another lead from the colonel, who had finally given us a real lead. (Glares at Mustang) and we went over to a warehouse were there was a huge transmutation circle. Brother accidently activated it, and we were other in front of the gate and that truth…thing.

Since I'm the author, brother demanded my body back and the…thing? Complied, except while giving me my regular body back (Not eleven!); it had turn brother into a baby. When I got back from there I went back to the colonel and got milk for brother.

….Wait I should be in this story, as a character, author time over temporarily! Al out.

**Disclaimer: The real one…..**

Since Al turned Ed into a baby, the author decided to do the same to him….the eggplant nightmare only woke her up to write more stories, where she saw her laptop typing away by itself, with a chibi Al icon in the corner.

Mustang was having a head ache, a really big one the mission that he send the boys on turned them into babies. Well…Al forced him to give them a real lead under the blackmail terms of a real lead…or showing Riza…that love letter? Which he didn't even write, Al did…but he got the colonel's signature down to a tee. Since when did Alphonse become the blackmailing one? Ed was the usual one that creates more paper work…and chaos…

Well, all he and Hawkeye could really do is ride this one out, and hope the effects are short term….he was too young to have kids, only twenty nine….and that Hawkeye would put bullets in him, if he tried anything. Kids, well they're younger...so they should be easier to take care of, right?

Mustang was proved wrong by the following month; Ed despised milk even as an infant, mere hours after he drinks it. He would puke on Mustang….and it was always him….no seriously. Al was better sort of….except Mustang saw the baby as a competitor for Hawkeye's affections, she loved cuddling the little Al. and there was the diaper changes, waking up at mid night to feed them, and the loud wailing of both boys.

But on the plus side, Hawkeye was living with him, and sleeping with him! No, not that way…he still wanted to be a man and to reproduce, thank you very much. But since there were only two bed rooms, the boys shared one while Hawkeye was with him in the other room. She had to move in, after a week of him taking care of the boys by himself, they were a mess…and that she was the only maternal figure in his crew.

He sighed, waiting for things to go back to the way they were, but wanting everything to prolong as long as possible as he looked on to Riza's gentle features. Brushing away strands of her hair and giving her a butterfly kiss on her lips.

Al's note: HUMPH! SHE TOOK OVER! NOT FAIR! Goes chibi.

Author's note: As you can tell, Al took over… but the virus he putted was too weak so we have a royai moment curtsey of him. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: There's an Eastern-phobia presented in North America, especially in the states. Now when I say eastern, I don't just mean Asia, but Middle East. North America even up to present day is a Christian dominated society, yes the religion have evolved much faster than Middle Eastern ones like Islam (I'm not going to defend or attack either, on the bases of had too many religious argument with Christian fanatics and I don't know enough about Islam to attack or defend it, and I'm going to take everything I hear about it with a grain of salt). But how do you expect a closed society to evolve socially when they are in a constant state of war and turmoil? The invasion of various Middle Eastern countries isn't bringing peace; they rooted out the terrorists…but aren't going to pull out any time soon. Take Africa for example, there is poverty but things are changing because of countries like India and China's investment in it, and yes more should be done. But social structures won't change because of brute force, if things change economically, naturally there would be a ripple effect. But it would explain the US's over inflated military budget (funding both side of the war…what's the point of a war then…?) from various sources, research it. The eastern peril is blaming Asia specifically China for its economic woes, while using the Middle East as an excuse for the continuous expansion of the US's already vast military. There is a lot of over generalization, every Arab is a possible terrorist, and anyone who defends China must be a "50 cent army" or government agent? That's like saying every European is a rioter (based on the London riots) or a hit closer to home, every American is a crook (based on how Wall Street took every cent). The effect isn't positive, and this phobia will only divide people up in an already divided country.

Clue: ) Teens use this daily. 


	58. Facebook

**Disclaimer: I will never own FMA :-( **

Edward Elric was glaring at an inanimate object, the source of all his woes for the pass month. You see King Bradley had the great idea of making every military personal get a face book account. He thought that face book was some kind of disease you get from reading ancient textbooks but no, it was a "social networking" site since Amestris was introduced to the computer. He didn't want it, but though Mustang's annoying orders and his brother's optimistic views, he got it… and poor naive Edward Elric putted his real name on there. Within the next hour, he got ten thousand friend requests, fifty thousand messages declaring their love of him… or wanting to mutilate him… and it wasn't even Scar.

So he added several of the saner looking profiles, along with everyone else in the military. Now you could find him bantering with Mustang not only in really life but though tens of pages on face book, and Al trying to be polite… somehow he only got 10 friend requests…well he was smart, he just putted his initials there were thousands of on face book.

Now here's where his problems began, some random girls began to spam his face book page!

Sasu-Sama' Sarukiji-Sempai wrote on Edward Elric's wall, "CHIBI CHAN DRINK YOUR MILK! SO U CAN GROW TALLER & I CAN ACTUALLY DATE U ;-)"

Edward Elric replied "WHO R U CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE'S THE HEIGHT OF HIS DATE'S HEELS! & Y WOULD I WANNA DATE U =.="

Sasu-Sama' Sarukiji-Sempai replied "Awww, chibi chan, u r so kawaii! . I wanna cuddle u :p"

Edward Elric's reply "=.="

Even worse, was another girl named An Unknown girl from Johto.

An Unknown girl from Johto wrote on Edward Elric's wall "Beware of god! U R A SINNER & READ U R BIBLE!"

Edward Elric replied "WTH R U? & it's a well know fact that I don't believe in a perverted old man watching my every move!"

An Unknown girl from Johto replied " U R AN IDIOT WHO WILL FEEL GOD'S WRATH ON JUDGEMENT DAY!"

Edward Elric replied ":S I'm blocking u, crazy girl, go marry Cornello or something!"

If that wasn't the worse, on face book, everyone was spamming his wall telling him to drink milk… he even had milk companies call him… how did they get his number? Even in games, yes he got addicted to a game called Ameba Pico, it was like seeing chibi him, but still he could do things there that he never would in real life… except Al played too and always left virtual milks cans for him.

"I'm deleting this account!" when he finally couldn't take the milk companies' spamming, the random fan girls putting nonsense on his wall, he left a final post to king Bradley and Mustang….. And destroyed face book's headquarters and… putted Mark Zuckleburg in jail for "destroying the peace."

Mustang posted on his wall ". Edward, what will u destroy next?"

Riza Hawkeye replied "Sir, your office was destroyed, & Roy u really shouldn't have compared him to a megabyte of information… he knows what that is =.="

Author's note: I'm not dead! Yes, sorry for the long wait, but well university still matters more, hope that you enjoyed Ed's face booking and once again reviews are selected at random. So review ^.^

DID YOU KNOW: About the protests on Wall Street? About time! Although why are the police arresting the protestors, considering it's a peaceful protest doesn't that fit under the freedom of expression? And congress is pressing China to raise the currency again? Really? They did that several times but the situation in the US never changed… and why does the US want to intervene in Syria directly? They are officially in, let's see… Mexico drug war, cold war with China, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan Libya… and internal war with the protestors. Not to offend any Americans, and yes Bossier should be taken down… but look at all the official and non official wars the country's in? They don't have to sent armies there, they could easier just provide the means for the people to make the revolution a success…since Libya from my perspective was half successful…. If they didn't bomb the civilians which well how could they not? It's air attack, they don't always see who they bomb… killing the civilians to protect them? Once again, I have to point out strategy rather than brute force. Anyways GOOD LUCK TO THE PROTESTERS! Democracy only works when people are well informed and take action, when dire by any means… just not harmful that is necessary… that's why Socrates was executed.

Clue: )A place chibi chan should be by the end of FMA. Edward, what will u destroy next?to king bradley nonsese or him.

like seeing chibi him, but still he could do things there that


	59. University

**Disclaimer: Well, if I set up a fund to attempt to own the rights…. It take me fifty lifetimes, too long =.=**

Edward Elric was seething, why did the bastard send him on a mission after he resigned from the damn military? Was this a parting gift or some kind of a joke? And he was enrolled in central university under the guise of Alphonse Heirich; couldn't they come up with….oh he didn't know, a more original name? It was only after two month after he and his brother went back to Resembool when the bastard decided to drop in. Al wasn't much help; he was attempting to hold in his laughter, while congratulating his brother into getting into university.

His mission, to find professors who've been using his students as alchemic test subjects… but the bastard enrolled him in the most ridiculous classes' home ec101, nutrient science 139, science of dairy consumption 203, cooking with cheddar 211 and a seminar course "Why are midgets always so angry." He honestly didn't get why these cheese and dairy courses and a very insulting mini course was supposed to help him find the maniac. He complained to Winry but when he told her his classes, she just laughed it off, leaving him in pouting chibi mode.

As if that wasn't enough, he joined a frat house… well Mustang did, he dropped him off not at the school residence but Alpha Zeta. But he didn't know it at the time, and….. Beat up all the other newbie's, for you guessed it, calling him short and… feminine looking. So he got automatic membership, though he didn't even want to join, he attempted to refuse. But then the senior members of Alpha Z made it their mission to make him one of their own, and began stalking him… so he was forced to join.

But his mission wasn't going well, although he was looking for one crazy professor, all of them seemed crazy. They kept on calling on him to be their test experiment, even in a room of over a thousand people. The other students weren't too bright either, the girls kept on thinking that he was a little kid that got lost near campus, he was not that short… now! And the guys kept on mistaking him for a girl and attempted to hit on him, which led to at least twenty five guys to the emergency room… per week.

Another thing! Why was there only coffee on campus! There was no other drinks even water… so he was forced to digest the bitter substance with milk and cream. Well now he knows why he dropped out of school by the age of eight. But all he wanted was to get this mission over with!

A month later, the professor was caught in the act…although for one it wasn't what the military though. He thought a magic300 class, which was titled "How to make yourself Magic" which involves using alchemy to hide one's self…. Something along those lines. The students never disappeared; they were just very, very bad at alchemy and got themselves trapped in the class room. Ed's eye twitched.

Author's note: Hey, so this is what would happen if the military forced Ed to attend a university, by the time the series ends he should be 17 or 18. University age. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: About the two deaths that captured international attention little Yue Yue and Kaddafi. Although I can't believe what the little girl's death is being used as, RIP Wang Yue, I've seen the I guess you can call it Canadian/CBC and American/CNN responses and I have to say, Americans need to take a good look at themselves. Some of the comments such as "its sad to say this is typical reaction of Chinese people to this kind of situation." This is stereotyping over one billion people based on twenty people's actions. The people that should be condemned are the drivers and the passersby not an entire race of people; they make up less than 0.01% of the population! Other comments like "this is the nation expect to overtake the US as number 1" is making a little girl's death into a political/economical issue, how that even compassionate, that's just being cold and bitter! And the gender stereotyping, the comments may have been true fifty years ago, but in urban areas, having a healthy child is what matters, in rural area there may be more bias but there was an article on CBC on how some orphaned girls in China who were adopted overseas might not have been orphans at all. And unfortunate to say but these cases are not foreign to the US either, the NYC case where a women was stabbed multiple times in broad daylight, over 30 people passed her by and a more recent case, it was on CNN, an inbred looking family treated their youngest member like a dog and even had a cage, the neighbors saw the abuse and did nothing, they didn't mourn for her death either. So for the small minority of Americans, who rather condemn rather than educate themselves, please do the latter more. The most outrages comments were "the Chinese have no souls to souls search" sorry, but don't they REALIZE that when they are condemning an entire race it includes the family of the suffering child! They weren't foreigners, but that would cause just as much or even more outrage. This is a problem for the human race, as technology distance us, industrialization divides us and capitalism making us forget the truly important things in life, not specific to any group of people. Kaddafi's death was bound to happen, so will there be a puppet dictator in Libya now? And WTH does Hilary Clinton want an "Arab Spring" in central Asia, isn't there enough chaos in the world? Besides, an "Arab Spring" the US would the world some good, considering the US's position, get rid of both parties which are funded by the same people, and maybe the US can not only repay its debt but prosper again. Anyways, I know this is really long, but as a rational human being, I'm disgusted at what a child's death is being turn into, like I said in the last post, over generalizing goes both ways… but how far some ignorant, selfish, racist people takes it it's just too far. 

Clue: Let me get back to you on that…. 


	60. Chibis!

**Disclaimer: [=.= ] This author =/= $$$ to buy the rights!**

The movie was over, and the party began. All the chibis gathered at the house party from Ed to Wrath, Greed to Lust. However little did Ed know what was planned for him, since the full metal alchemist series was officially over.

When Hawkeye blew her whistle, it wasn't an army of black hyates… but an invasion of cows, Ed's eye began twitching. He and Al got ran over by cows! Who putted that in the script? The cows didn't just gather together but on Mustang's command began chasing Ed all over the house, attempting to squash him like a bug.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A BUG COULDN'T SEE HIM!"

When Envy arrived in the dragon suit, he didn't go for his more… feminine form, but instead transformed into a bull. And chase Ed some more, except that the sins because they were so fond of him, dumped a pool of yogurt on to him.

Ed began growling, but since he was a chibi, all it did was make him look cuddlier, like a teddy bear.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR A TEDDY BEAR!"

The author dryly replied"uhhh…you, chibi chan."

But his troubles weren't over yet. Winry held the picture of him and Noa glaring at him and because she was drunk and thought more rationally. She began throwing bottles of milk at him, which were produced out of nowhere. Al wasn't much help….all he could do was watch his brother get being assaulted with the substance he deem "cow juice."

When Gluttony arrived, Ed was so ticked off; he just stabbed the big blob homunculus thing and out came more milk. He was officially glaring at the author now, who was at the party with her laptop. Who have to stop writing now because chibi chan was coming after her with the auto mail sword!

"I AM NOT A CHIBI!"

Two Als simultaneously sighted then face palmed.

Author's note: This is my version of the FMA "Chibi Party" the original was cute… but it would've been great to see everyone turn against Ed and force milk into him. lol. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: That the EU is looking to China for a bailout, so much irony? The atrocities that Europe did to get rich has not been forgotten, the opium war, the burning of the summer palace ect. Although it's almost funny in how the western media portrays the rise of the Asian dragon/tigers, because in a way, the world is going back to the old world order. Since some media and people like to compare China's rise to Japan's. Which is a false analogy, here are a few points to consider, Japan was never a regional power, and it attempted to colonize other SE Asian countries but never worked. China had influence in Asian throughout the course of its history; the same could be said for India. Japan was never an international power, but empires like the Mongolians or Ming aren't easily forgotten among various other Asian empires. Asia's rise should not be a cause for concern, no matter how much propaganda western media is making of it. Unlike the western counterparts, colonizing the world and forcing other people into the western way of doing things, trade is much more important. Although it really begs the question, why can't they work and get out of debt? Both the US and EU? Since other countries in Asia came from worse situations just thirty years ago yet the governments of these countries could only seek to increase debt? Some people will say that it's the western investment, but again when the European powers plundered China, they also took away the riches and valuables, so the "investment" is pointless, since they robbed a wealthy country then began funding it? The western governments really should focus on reality rather than ideology, since they're proclaimed "greatest" system is failing them… I'm just dumbfounded at how the media like to spin things.

Clue:….Since I'm at a loss for ideas, any scenarios that readers want to see? 


	61. Greed

**Disclaimer: Do I want to own FMA, yes. Will I ever own it, no possible way!**

Greed

Edward Elric was pondering a very important decision… what kind of a deal should he make with the homunculi. Al was shouting at him, not to do it and going into anime ranting mode. But he had to he really had to. Since his attempt at destroying the giant milk molecule didn't work. He was going to wipe out two birds with one stone.

"Alright…I'll tell you the secret to Al's body, if you destroy the giant particle of cow juice!" all the characters' mouth was agape, Greed and his minions were wondering what the little alchemist was talking about, while Al wanted to face palm himself, but couldn't since he was tied up.

"…The what!" Greed finally croaked out.

"You know, the giant cow juice particle, Sloth, destroy her then I'll tell you everything." Ed coolly replied.

Al piped up from the background, "brother is this really necessary?"

"Something like that should not be living, dead, or existing!" Ed declared sending a glare Al's way.

"….." Greed really didn't know of what to make of such an abnormal request.

But the battle happened anyways, the ultimate shield vs. the formless milk particle. Greed wants to know the secret so he went along with the little brat's ideas. And when he won, the brat didn't tell him the secret…. But instead went after him because although Sloth was dead… she was all over him. And a milk covered chibi chan, was an angry chibi.

Greedling

Ed was glaring at Ling…. Who decided to visit…again. Unfortunately for him, Ling had not only the power of wealth and power. He still had the ultimate shield and was still unbearably determined… especially on getting him to drink milk or stuff dairy products into his mouth.

Greed watched in amusement as his contractor chased after the full metal alchemist again. Father didn't completely destroy him since Ling had more greed than many normal people in his soul.

He had the raw desire of wanting the entire Xing Empire.

He wanted one woman, to have all of her, Ran Fan.

He craved of peace and prosperity among all of the clans of Xing.

And most of all he needed to annoy the small alchemist, why? Well among all the other diplomatic and important stuff. He needed some entertainment. An angry Edward is always entertaining, especially now that he had the upper hand!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, STOP FORCING CHEESE INTO ME! DO YOU HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO YOU IDIOT!"

"….No, nothing, shirmpy chan."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A SHIRMP CAN EAT HIM! STOP FORCE FEEDING… WHATEVER THAT IS INTO ME!"

Author's note: Someone requested Greed so here it is. The first greed is inspired by what if Ed didn't kill this fic's Sloth. And the second, well I don't think Greed was gone completely from Ling since as human beings, we all have a bit of this sin within us. Especially Ling… the Xing Empire isn't a small thing to want. So review!

DID YOU KNOW: That the US stationed 2500 soldiers in Australia? When there is already about five million troops in SE Asia. (BBC chart on where American troops are stationed in SE Asia) although it's for symbolic reasons, couldn't there be better ways? They could've easily send 2500 marine or arctic scientists/ engineers since Australia's position would allow a lot of research to be done… having more soldiers there just seem pointless, especially since like every other country, Australia got its own defenses. America's return to the pacific…can't America stay in America, the continent? Instead of going all over the place, military gears included, wouldn't be wiser to let the most well off of each continent to guild the other countries. Brazil for South America, the three other BRIC countries for Asia, Germany for Europe and so on. (I'm not sure which countries are the best off in the Middle East or Africa). Many of the actions are unfortunately military (The economist: Dance of the South East Giants). Instead of trying to "contain" another country, wouldn't be better to use all the money spend on military back home? And it looks like the war in the Middle East may start again, this time Iran for WMDs/ nuclear weapons. Seriously… this kind of aggressive mentality is creating chaos everywhere… 

Clue: …..humm an awkward situation? That's all I can think of….. any more suggestions? 


	62. Birds

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I will even own this… **

Mustang was pondering; scheming ways of getting back at the twelve year old brat… who transmitted his dating suit into… a clown suit. Polka dots, puffy legs, weird designs in all. As much as he wanted to transform it back… it was on him, he needed a circle and his date was already there. The annoying brat! The kid had been playing pranks on him when he officially entered the military, if it weren't for his effectiveness… despite a lot of infrastructures being destroyed. He would've already court martialed him.

A scheme came to mind, Edward Elric was a preadolescent boy. And Mustang was the one to guild him through these trying years. He was getting things ready, this would be good and he would force the brat to drink a gallon of milk too.

The next day, Edward was called into central by the bastard at six am in the morning, six freaking am! What did the bastard colonel want anyways; sure he might have gone the top with the pranks. But to see the look on the stoic man's face each time was worth it.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU BASTARD!"

"Edward, come here."

"What do you have planed bastard?" a heated glare was thrown the colonel's way.

"Now, when a sausage and a donut loves each other very much-" Mustang was cut off, cue the Elric eye twitch.

"…Mustang, are you ok? Did you get food poisoning?"

"- they go into each other and make… uhhh, an orange…."

Ed's eye kept on twitching during Mustang's lecture to about sausages, donuts and oranges. Was he playing insane? He's never seen Mustang go at it like this, talking about the features of the sausages, donut and the how the orange somehow result from them… what kind of alchemy was he talking about, you can't turn one food into another by combining two of its polar opposites?

"- and that's how an orange is made!"

"Sure, yeah… I'll get Hawkeye…."

"No, this is the best part!" Mustang said while pushing Ed into the military cinema room… who thought the military would spend money on something like this? And a very graphic video began playing, two people in…uhhh very intimate positions. The full metal alchemist's eyes turn wide as saucers, he finally realized what Mustang was talking about. Wait, the bastard was giving him the talk? That was what all the sausages and donuts were about?

And now…he's watching… adult entertainment? At only eight in the morning to… he tried to get out, but the doors were locked.

"Let me out of here you bastard!"

"Full metal, every boy goes through this phrase, you're going through it to. So watch it so when time comes you'll know what to do…. If, the girls maybe think you're illegal no matter how old you are."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THA WHEN HE GETS MARRIED HIS WIFE WILL MISTAKE HIM FOR ONE OF HER KIDS!"

"That just maybe possible… that is if you can find a chipmunk to marry you."

"WHO ARE YOU CALING SO SMALL THAT A CHIPMUNK WILL MISTAKE HIM FOR A CHESTNUT!"

"…that maybe possible. Anyways full meal. There is a gallon of milk on the table there, f you drink every last drop I'll let you out. If you're thinking of getting out with alchemy, this room is unnecessary secure… unless you want to set off an alarm, then you're on your own."

"BASTARD, COW WORSHIPPING, MILK OBSESSED BASTARD!"

"I am, there's more than one kind of milk you know, full metal!"

"EWWW, BASTARD YOU'RE THE ONE OBSESSED WITH ALL KIND OF MILK WHY DON'T YOU DRINK IT!"

"Because full metal, you'll never get laid, shrimps aren't on any girl's menus, maybe your mechanic though?"

By this time, Ed resembled a cherry, pouting, grouching tomato. He can't believe he just had this conversation with Mustang of all people. This was a no win situation. He didn't want to be watching these people doing it, ick! Unfortunately the lesser of the two evils was really the milk this time. So he took a deep breath and drinks it all. But he swears, he will get Mustang back!

Author's note: This is the part one of Mustang giving Ed the talk! Enjoy and review! ^.^

DID YOU KNOW: That Iran have one of America's drones. This shouldn't be surprising at all… considering all the military and the weapons that are placed around the world. They're bound to lose a few. The election debate in not only the US but Taiwan is really heating up, it's quite entertaining… but some party's campaigns are epic fails. The most recent ones in Taiwan, two Taiwanese dollars for a pound of those yellow tomatoes, I'm not sure what they're called, but they're more fruit than vegetable, the male strippers' incident and the possible financial fraud led by Zai Ying Wen. 2012 is looking up to be a very interesting year, with all the major country's political leaders changing. The campaigns, being more entertaining than political. 


	63. Bees

**Disclaimer: You know that I don't own it….**

Edward, after the milk and…porn incident sought revenge. Revenge on the smirking bastard who forced him to watch those people going at it….the bastard probably own a shelf of those kinds of disgusting videos. The full metal alchemist shuddered at the thought. To get back at Mustang, he tried to come up with a variety of plans but none of them came to maturity simply because they didn't do enough damage, he was running out of ideas…until Al's simple words.

"I hate to see lieutenant Hawkeye angry, she's already scary enough…like teacher." This was the sentence that would spell out doom for the colonel.

Ed dragged the suit of armor in his little venture, he bought a camera…and like Hughes, he began taking pictures nonstop, but those pictures had to be taken discreetly and that's where the suit of armor came in. They were officially stalking Hawkeye. But Al didn't even know what was going, all he heard from his brother were bastard and revenge, yeah, not helpful.

It wasn't hard to stalk the sniper…but then again, they weren't been creepers…well not to that extend. They just took pictures of her grocery shopping, yelling at the colonel, at shooting practice, yelling at the colonel, working out, yelling at the colonel, polishing her grand collection of guns, and yelling at the colonel.

Now for step two, the little alchemist attempted to buy porn magazines…but got shunned away. They thought that he was from a local elementary school and attempted to cramp him back there, resulting in rants of how he was not that tiny…and the adult shop destroyed completely. So…Al had to buy it, it was so awkward… and why did brother even want them? He was a hermit! Well it isn't like he got time to inspect the finer species… he barely get along with Winry… if Al ha his body, he would be red as a chili pepper from having to buy those…things.

When he got everything he needed, Ed cut all the heads off the photos of Hawkeye that they took and alchemized them to… the characters in the adult magazine's faces…all the while the suit of armor wondered if he had a thing for Hawkeye? Or something…why couldn't his brother just tell him what's going on?

The next day…Hawkeye found some very interesting magazines on the colonel's desk. Mustang as usual was dozing off on the job…he just signed the thousand something paper today. When she saw what was in them, guns went off, Hayate barked, the crew scrambled to get out of there alive…and Mustang was nearly castrated.

"FULL METAL!"

Al finally knew what was going on…now he had to keep the colonel away from his brother and vice versa. Otherwise they might really kill each other, he face palmed, again.

Author's note: Hehehe, this is Ed's revenge, no milk in this chapter…but Ed finally get to have some fun after all the milk that's been forced into him. Enjoy & review! ^.^

DID YOU KNOW: President Ma of Taiwan won the second term of his presidency, now at least the relationship between Taiwan and China are looking stable for another four years. Why does the US have to get the whole world involved in whatever its doing? Since there are rumors of Iran's developing nuclear weapons, and the US wants the whole world to pose sanctions on Iranian oil…Since America have claimed this before and they are the ones who is against this notion…Shouldn't the US government be forcing sanctions, but does it have to attempt to force other countries? Also, the US among many other countries already has nuclear weapons…and its destructiveness is known, someone has to be crazy to actually use it. The Middle East is in more than enough chaos, isn't there a more diplomatic way of going about this? All the countries that have nuclear weapons had already signed a pact. North Korea's change in government, which is pretty much a modern day monarchy in practice…don't expect much. Unless the whole family and system is over thrown. Although its new leader is the first 80s after to get his hand on nuclear weapons… =.= 


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